First off,do not dismiss this post as a despo rant by a lonely,sad pathetic unproductive individual of society,(as much as it'll probably degenerate into one by the end,as the angst slowly builds up).For this is in actual fact,a response to a controversial blog post that has taken the Singaporean web realm by storm,and also a last ditch attempt to salvage whatever remains of my literacy abilities,which pretty much lies in shambles since the last CDR post.Content too personal/inappropriate for mass consumption on facebook?Too bloody long for an msn display message?Take it to the good ol' blogosphere.Alright.And so it begins.

An introduction to the aforementioned controversial post...NAWWW!!TOO BLOODY LAZY!!!Read it for yourself here.I feel compelled to write a response.The guy's edition on girls.Allow me to enlighten you imaginary readers on the makings of a VJ boy's mind.

I shall classify the quality of girls in order of their secondary schools,since it is society's paradigm to define a person's character by her secondary institute of education.

RGS
...
TKGS
...
KC
...
St NIX
...
SCGS
...

Alright cut it out.It's too painful to continue.Obviously,one did not spend much of his pubescent years pondering about the complexities of the opposite sex or more precisely,the human relationships with them.(since everyone has porno sites for discovery of these complexities)While most ABS(All boy's school) guys were staking out hunting grounds for fresh meat,honing their methods of approach and going on experimental group dates with their AGS counterparts,the post-school life of an ugly,loser VS bum went something along these lines.

-Wan play LAN?
~No money
-Aku Blanjah
~Scared mother scold ah,she wan me study :(
-Say got project lah
~...yah hor,actually can.set.

And so,many afternoons were spent on the conquest of the numerous projects handed out to us seemingly every single day of the week.Since schools are too specific and wayy above my level of comprehension,I shall use another method of arrangement.*Do not proceed if you are sensitive to homonecropedobeastiality*

NSKs-Sibei song dah!!!Chinese NSK XMM.Song ttmz.Damn cute and cuddly.Lurbs <3 Will probably lose her virginity at 10,fail all exams as a result of gallivanting with ah bengs and end up marrying a rich,sad,lonely,ugly guy (someone like me,minus the rich) once she reaches her late 20s and realises she has no stable income.
MOA(method of approach)-Be the most sat-ki kid in class,have the wildest hair,buy soft toys for her,and whisper sweet insincere praises into her ear.

Atas(smart)-Parents drive her to and from school,takes ballet,violin and high-class external lessons after school.Unattractive,but highest potential to live off her after marriage,if one has no manly pride whatsoever,and a significant dose of good looks of course.
MOA-You don't approach them.They approach you if they find you a suitable husband.Kinda like a job application for a high paying job nobody wants.

Atas(Dohhh...)-Parents drive her to and from school too.Fails all her classes,but who cares?She can just manipulate her parents into feeding her money by taking them on a guilt trip for the time they never spent with their child,making them hope that money can compensate for the insecurity and total asshole-ness she now has.Dreams of being a model (read,euphemism for whore) and will sleep with any douchey jock once she leaves her expensive atas AGS.
MOA-Be a total douche,preferably with some connections to a bigshot in a modeling company.

Everyday Average Normal Gal-Decent grades,Decent looks,Decent body,Nothing special just everyday normal 9 to 5.
MOA-Be an Average Normal Guy with EAN dreams of working a 9-5 with an EAN paycheck living an EAN life,meet under EAN conditions...you know the rest.

Glamour Queen-Pretty,Friendly,Smart,Likeable(In a mainstream sorta way)Usually from dance or some glitzy CCA.
MOA-Be the coolest kid in school,kinda like the most sat-ki,except like y'know in a suave,sexy sorta way.

Plenty more,too lazy to list.Post gettin' kinda long and rant-y.

Right,as a response,I should also post what accomplishments you should have if you beg to differ from my opinions.

1.Have you earned more than 900/month at any point of your life?
2.Have you had a pretty XMM gf?
3.Have you passed Higher Chinese before?
4.Have you held a job for anything more than 3 months?
5.Can you make any coherent noise with a musical instrument?(APART FROM THE RECORDER!THAT DOES NOT COUNT!)
6.Can you run 2.4 km in 15 minutes?
7...I'm really struggling to think of accomplishments here.

ONLY if you have answered yes to these questions are you qualified to debate (or highly potentially,embarrass) me.

That's it for the night from me!

You know those old ahmas that u accidently bump into them on the bus or the train or in some public place for that matter? They'll look at you as if they want to gorge out your eyeballs, suck your brains out with a straw and leave your carcass by the roadside for the vultures to feed on, even after you have apologized. I really don't get how they can be so hypocritical especially since they whine about this and whine about that every single day. Every single day! Chances are they are the majority of your mums or aunts so i guess you can empathize with that. Here's an advice for people as offended as me by these thoughtless beings. Give them the finger and say "thank you very much, now fuck off." For those mindful people thinking of giving up their seat for an auntie or uncle, this gives u a very good and valid reason to think twice. Singaporeans will be singaporeans after all. What goes around comes around, there's no need for a spoil market to exist.

As a sidenote the standards of Singapore girls are dropping. Or are my standards just getting higher? Sigh the pain an idealist has to endure...

ZY:Holy crap!MRT got fire sia.
Me:Nonsense
ZY:Serious!My friend SMS me news report
Me:LKY would sue the fire to bankruptcy and exile before it can even reach the MRT

Happy April's Fools day.

Rant time.Ok.So this Monday i was at the gym just doing my stuff and keeping my lithe sexy body in shape.Then 3 VS boys (presumably VS cos of the crude behavior they were about to display) came in.They

1.Lifted with jerky stupid motions and slammed weights all over the place
2.Used profanities like crazy even though the context was completely inappropriate and no statement required the injection of profanity to express emotion.
3.Spoke damn bloody loudly
4.Compared who could lift heavier weights (totally stupid) which resulted in more of (1)
5.Carried themselves with this aura as though they're the most bad-ass bunch of niggas in the gym
6.Acted like they damn big shit.Oh wait,same as (5)
7.Polluted my air with their cocky aura

Seriously.What are you all trying to prove by throwing weights all over?No,you're not strong,you'll just get joint pains faster.Morons...

You guys have any idea what's the number one thing people look out for when trying to expose cool dudes for the math nerds they are?

PLUS SIGNS. Yes that's right, the thing you use to add 1 and 1 together.

Lost?


fuck yes brobee take my warm sticky plus signs like a good girl man that is so hot

Seriously guys why do you have plus signs spraying out of your cursor? That's just gay man.

Alright.here's a rant on a topic some might find rather sensitive.Foreign talent.

Just this Saturday,as I was heading home from a mentally taxing tuition session,I stepped into an MRT carriage as always,not having the financial or legal ability to drive a bulldozer home.Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.The handles were all in place,the seats were the same shiny green colour and PCK smiled at me reminding me to give up the seats at the corners for oldies.Upon closer observation, it dawned upon me that the nagging feeling in my gut that i was out-of-place was not unfounded.

There was noise in the carriage. Hell, there's always noise in an MRT carriage.But this time it was different. I didn't get a single word which was being uttered. IT WAS ALL IN CHINESE/SOME WEIRD NON-ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Nope,it wasn't the bitchy auntie raving on and on about how the new generation is a disgrace or the uncle expressing his hatred for our much loved public figure LKY. I looked around,saw a foreign couple making out in the middle of the carriage,a Chinese lady with heavy make-up carrying an LV bag (presumably fake.you wouldn't be taking the train if you could afford LV) and a bunch of Indian/Bangladeshi workers talking quietly among themselves.

Scanning the radius, I realised that i was the ONLY Singaporean within a 1m radius. With the exception of a guy wearing an army singlet with the beh kan NSF regular look.

SERIOUSLY!!!THAT'S DAMN FREAKY!!!

We're becoming the minority in our own country overnight!Alright.Just to put things in perspective.I do not have anything against our foreign friends.being an educated individual,I understand how these dudes are an imperative for the financial progress of our nation.I also do not have anything against foreign workers.They are super nice people.I chatted with a Myanmar and PRC guy before while waiting for my bus to school.And lets not forget my tiong-ge buddies in school who are seriously damn funny and cool.

The only area I'm uncomfortable with is that home just doesn't feel like home anymore. As much as I found the Ah Lians shrieking in Chinese,the bengs affectionately cuddling their lian counterparts and the matts blasting music from their phones annoying,these were the things which defined the environment I grew up in.They all brought a sense of familiarity when i step into public.And though I might not completely understand the details of all the conversation going on around me due to my abysmal command of any language apart from English, there was an order and understanding in the familiarity of it all. And these familiar surroundings brought a sort of calm and comfort.

Now that it's all changed in the blink of an eye, and more changes are foreseen in the near future, well,i fear that this country might not feel like the one i spent my childhood in. Give them time,the gahmen says, they will integrate.But who Integrates who?That's the question.Them, or us?

I'm sorry beautiful nation, but in the years to come, you might not see me here anymore. When you become a stranger to the surroundings in the place you once called home, one would choose to seek out other places with a more home-ly feel. Well that's all for my rant. PAP watchdog, this is one area you might want to look into. I don't think I'm alone in my sentiments.

On a completely unrelated side note, I am now the president of VJC's girl watching club. Our president is on the way to a definite engagement, which instantly disqualifies his membership, leaving me in charge. Sigh... A blessing? Or a sign of how horrendous and pathetically disappointing my JC love life (which is non-existent to begin with) is?

man i'm so edgy i scare myself sometimes.

Chapter 2: "School must be the harvester of sorrow"

Chapter 1 - "The world is square!" says the goldfish

He looks at the new timetable in disbelieve: More lectures, and a daily dismissal time of 5.05 pm. In addition to that he still has to accomodate his tuition, as well as his H3 course. He lets out a sigh, a sigh which he had made countless of times in the past year. He knows that it's going to be a long year ahead. "Where oh where am I going to find time to do my leisurely activities! (SuddenAttack)" he cries, but beneath that complaint lies an even more intricate problem that he's been tackling throughout the last year; returning to school only gives him that stark reminder. We will leave the elaboration for another time. School starts next monday, just 2 days away. We can only hope his life from that day onwards passes smoothly, though that hope seems bleak: He hasn't finished 1/8th of his holiday assignments yet.

Good evening my dear readers,I leave for Indonesia tomorrow,so before i leave,I shall leave one post for your viewing pleasure.

Sleepless nights.We all hate them.Tossing and turning about wondering if onyx would last two minutes against the ninja turtles and how it would eventually cause the pivotal shift in world politics.Whether the pudding you had for dessert was free from bacteria,or whether the pretty girl staring at the bus stop just now actually mistook you for a giant wad of chewing gum.Mysteries in life no doubt,but even these must be cast aside so that we can get those few hours of precious rest.

So what do people turn to for insomnia related problems?

Booze?

Pills?

HELL NO!!!NOT US COOL DUDES!!!

I shall reveal THE solution to insomnia which will blow us all away and put all drug making companies out of business.

MY SISTER'S KEEPER

My obsession with this film began around 2 months back.Now that things are different and my school actually has beings of the opposite gender,I pick up new forms of news.They began with "OMGOMGOMGOMGOM JODI PICOUT MY SISTERS KEEPER MOVIE!!!",escalated to "ITS TOMORROW!!!" and finally a large wave of "So nice,so touching.Really very good movie.I cried so much" ensued.My curiosity was piqued.What was it which was so intriguing,so riveting which could affect the opposite sex so greatly?Perhaps if I were to find out,I would finally understand the workings of the female psyche,aiding me in my never ending quest to capture that oh-so-elusive girlfriend.

And so I did.

No,not capture a girlfriend.Watch the movie,and i must say,I am impressed.Nothing has been able to lower my heart rate to such levels before.Touching?No.Beautiful?No.But the dog was pretty cute.Awesome storyline?Naw.Got predictable after the first twist.And I didn't read the book.After the first hour,I left the video running and played computer games while listening to the movie audio track.

I STILL GOT THE ENTIRE STORYLINE!!!

THAT is how awesome this movie is.The interesting thing is that after that one hour,the entire plot perked up.The girl started turning into a zombie,only to have her sister confront her with a fire extinguisher.After the sister assaulted her with the fire extinguisher fuzz,A drastic turn of events happened!Aliens invaded and resurrected the sister's sister before blowing up the entire world,killing the sister,her sister and their entire family!And..And..And...

Alright,I was kidding.But i really did get the entire story just listening to the audio.The actors should have channeled their efforts into something which would be more visually appealing,such as....say...A zombie movie!Zombie movies never fail.

Nevertheless,anyone without the XX pair of chromosomes can kiss goodbye to sleepless nights.This movie,packs an absolute knockout.It will put you to sleep.Guaranteed.

Alright fervent fans!Today,I shall introduce a totally new concept which will blow your nose away and revitalise your inner being!Pissing from your behind!

Yes!That's right.Always dreamed of breaking away from the monotonous cycle that is daily life?Ever wanted to do something different for once to glimpse at the traces that make you human and not machine?Well,NOW YOU CAN!This all all you have to do!

Step 1:Obtain these Ingredients
1.$10 dollar oyster omellete
2.$5 hokkien mee
3.Rojak
4.Blackcurrant juice

Step 2:EAT IT ALL IN 15 minutes!!!

Unless you have a stomach made of iron,these steps will allow you to totally transform the way your body works!Allowing you to piss from your behind instead of the front!AWESOME HUH!?!?!

These steps were tried and tested by the great waffle himself.He has been pissing from his asshole for 3 days straight,and has slept so much that is bum hurts from lying down.

Alright.As you all might have noticed,this is the first post in a really long time.And since i need time to get back into the swing of things,if at all,this post shall not have any pictures unless i feel like adding them in some time later on.

You might have watched the overly mediocre movie 2012.The plot was predictable and c'mon lets face it.After watching transformers,nothing can even come close on the visual candy scale.Apart from my current eye candy,eClair,of course.What's worse is that after watching this movie,you have loads of people believing that the world is gonna end in 2012.Why?Just because the bloody mayans said it.

HELLO!If the mayans were so great,why didn't they predict the invaders coming across the sea and bringing them pain and misery?!That's because they aren't great!They just didn't know how to count past 2012,or they ran out of space to write on the great calendar wall or whatever they write their calendar on.So if I were to go ahead and make some multi-million dollar movie with lots of explosions,throw in a few obscure references to ancient people playing around with their sticks,stones and leaves,and say that I am THE MAN for pretty girls to date,I would have loads of girlfriends?Well,that SHOULD be the case theoretically speaking right?!

"Heheheh WaFFLe,you probably can't afford to do that you loser!"Oh yeah?How about after I'm really really rich after clawing my way up the corporate ladder and stabbing loads of ambitious naive young people in the back?Maybe then I'll make the movie.

"Huhuhuh.WaFFLe,you're so silly.With millions of dollars you could have all the pretty young girlfriends you want!"Duh?I just wanted to prove my point that people are dumb enough to believe everything they see in a movie.

Nevertheless,I am a Singaporean.And Singaporeans always have a back-up plan on hand JUST IN CASE the world DOES end in 2012.

We(The CDR crew and affiliates) will have this huge underground bunker with watchtowers for us to snipe and lob explosives at the zombies. "HUH?WHAT ZOMBIES?" well,you don't really expect the world to end without zombies do you?Zombies are the essence of End of Worlds.

The bunker will be totally natural disaster proof and will be able to swim,cross land and fly to outer space at speeds not conceivable to the mainstream imagination of mainstream people.Notice that I used the singular form of imaginations even though people is plural and many people are expected to have many imaginations?well,that's because mainstreamers,yes you guessed it!They have only one mind.The mainstream mind.

Well,even though the bunker will ensure our survival,we won't be needing it.We will stockpile loads of psychedelic inducing chemical substances to give us the highest high chemicals can offer when shit starts going down.Then Peanut can use the safety of the bunker to lure loads of little girls into the bunker for his nefarious deeds while Kaya runs onto the street having fun with corpses.Me?I'll probably take twice the dosage everyone did and be in a corner of the bunker giggling away and drooling onto the floor.

Well that way I'll survive the apocalypse?HELL NO!Because being CDR,some bloody idiot is bound to forget to close the door.

Staying active!Staying active!Babababa!

The sight of JOOD brightens up my MOOD says:
- think about it.death is no barrier baby...the girl will be so touched thinking that i will love her even after we die
- when i was referring to necrophilia

I say this to you oh my dear Jood
Of my love for you,you know not the magnitude
In my routine of gyming and eating lots of food
Thinking of you comes as a brief interlude

Oh Jood you look so fine
Your smile sweeter than Aspartamine
You are always on my mind
More than the murders at Columbine (My PW topic what)

As you walk past me i pick up the smell
of slightly buttered caramel
As i look at your perfectly sculpted eyebrows
I feel like eating delicious beef kway teows

In whatever way blow the winds of fate
You from harm I will insulate
For you I will patiently wait
Always ready to capitulate
With all that I have written and said
I wish only that you reciprocate


It is my wish to cause a resolution
To soothe the angst of my infatuation
So would you...
Play with me playstation?

i just realised something very intersting today... When a guy asks people how he should cut his hair, the responses from the girls are "botak". The responses from the guys are "mohawk". And truthfully i just want to keep it long. School has done a great job removing my own free will (and my hair)!!

Getting MCs for exemption from PE is fun too! You can observe those people running around the field and playing meaningless games without being directly involved in it. What fun! So exciting!

What's even more fun is the extra lectures! Wow!! Innovative! I'm starting to love school more and more!!! I now end school at 5 pm everyday! Now I got more time to spend in school! How thoughtful!!!

Yipppeee!! They have even arranged special seating arrangements for us! So much so that they force us to sit in that arrangement! What an enchanting and exciting experience!! This certainly unparallels the effort to combat H1N1 to other schools!! How nice!!!

Aww but my parents didn't get invited for the meet-the-parents session... because i passed everything =( I really envy those people who got the invite =DD

Blah Blah Blah you all know where this is going don't you...

Today,I will share why bodybuilding is more effective than being a fashionista.

Cost of 1 tub of protein powder:Approx 120(can last like 4 months)
Cost of a shirt from some mid level shop like Levi's:40
Cost of a shirt from the Giordano: 6


Because sexy bodies look good wearing ANY shirt,a buff dude just needs to buy a giordano shirt to look as good,or in my opinion,even better than some skinny fart or blubbering whale in an expensive shirt.After the fourth unit of a 40 dollar shirt,the variable cost for the bodybuilder decreases to the point that the fixed cost(protein powder) is equal to the total variable cost for 4 units of shirts for the fashionista.

Eventually,there will be a great convergence between the variable cost and fixed cost curves of the bodybuilder,while that of the fashionista will show a divergence as he "advances" in level to LV, prada and other stuff gay-ass un-manly guys or guys with too much money wear.

Great application of Economics,which I will probably get a "U" for.Fucked up subject...

It's funny how much easier it is to decipher heavy metal lyrics than the chinese listening the smart people at SEAB had set. I'm screwed.

After visiting numerous random blogs i've come to realise something extremely irritating. If playing dumb pop the moment you step into their blog isn't enough, those dumbasses had to embed the whole song in their web browser itself and there's no stop, pause, or self-destruct button anywhere! Or they'll just dump their embedded music player right at the bottom of the whole blog site and you'll have to scroll all the way down just to stop it. All this while i'd be trying to enjoy my metal. It's a wonder how my eardrums didn't split open, though if i stayed at that page for more than 10 seconds my brain would have imploded and turned into grape juice. Along with that will be the emotionally over charged blog posts which will make my eyes burn too. Lessons learnt: Visiting blogs other than coolduderesource is hazardous to health.

Alright,today has got to be the best day of school this entire year.Perhaps because I didn't go to school.That's cos i hurt my ear after i fucking punched an alien in the face with my humongous pecs and the resulting sonicwave hit me at point blank range.

Today,I'd like to share what happens when an idiot meets with a genius who defines JC life as "fun".The idiot is undoubtedly,me,while the genius is professor wilnard Tan.Here's how our conversation went.

Me:Wah.Lan Jiau.Bloody hot man...Global warming sucks.Oh yar,professor,here are some of my solutions for global warming.Please comment on them.

Professor Tan:ok

Me:Blow lots of air into a giant float and send Singapore on the float to the north pole.

Professor Tan:*Stone*

Me:?

Professor Tan:But then got those continents in the way then how?And isn't Singapore attached to the seabed?

Me:No lar.Where got.Singapore can float one.And those continents hor,u got hear of rambo?He can like walau ~Rambo Rant~

Professor Tan:orh...

Me:Then then then,solution 2,we make a giant dome and air con the whole Singapore.

Professor Tan:But that creates more carbon emissions and doesn't exactly solve the problem at hand.

Me:But then more cooling what.

Professor Tan: ....

Me:Solution 3,we all make a lot a lot of ice cubes than throw on the road so will be more cooling.

Professor Tan:But that doesn't really solve the problem at...(realises he's talking to a moron)...The ice will melt wad.

Me:yar hor,then we all will drown.YOU DAMN SMART SIA PROFESSOR!

After reading this blog,I have found it amazingly immature, childish, offensive,insensitive and degrading to many groups of people.As such,I will now post an example of how future blog posts will be like.No more will there be female-bashing or vulgarity-laden rants.Blog posts will be what blog posts are supposed to be like,details about my personal life and a small window into my delicate state of emotions.Let me begin by diving into every single minuscule detail of my life today.No detail,however infinitesimal,shall be spared.Above all,I shall keep the tone cheery and happy so that we can all feel great reading my happy blog posts! =)


Today was an excellent bubbly cheery morning with the sun shining high in the azure blue sky!The chirpy birds were happy as usual.I got up to say hello to my wonderful family members and settle down to a great meal with them,laughing happily as we discussed stories in our lives.Once breakfast was over,I took a bath and did my beautiful hair and put on my make-up in front of my mirror before leaving to spend time with my buddilicous friends who provide me with lots of emotional support and have always been there for me.They are super refined and do not use any coarse language.

We spent our time at the department store contributing to the country's economy by doing our nails and buying cosmetic products.As usual,the conversation with my friendulous pals were great!We told each other how much we appreciated each other's company and how much we love being together.We even took a few photos together.Not really cam-whore lar.=P

Then we went to watch a movie!It was so touching!The protagonist kissed the girl of his dreams in a meadow full of flowers as the sunlight gleamed across their faces and as their lips interlock in beautiful embrace....

Fuck it

I can't go on.2 emoticons,one depiction of a romantic scene and an overdose of happiness.The torture I put myself through just so that all of you non-existent readers know how to create a gay blog post.The essential ingredients are

1.Happyness and love.LOTS of it
2.Pure innocent content.(Or at least fake it)
3.Poser smiling pictures of you and your "friends"
4.Details about your life nobody cares about
5.Gay-ass emoticons to display your inability to convey emotions and undertones with words and simple punctuation

And there you have it!A gay-ass blog post of your own!

Long scientific analysis incoming.Let's begin the battle of manliness between Rambo and Chuck Norris!!!

First off,weapons.As the great chinese philospher Cornlautzu once said,weapons make a man.After hours of complex mathematical derivation,I have come to the conclusion that manliness is directly proportional to the size of the weapon one regularly carries.It is evident who wins hands down here.Rambo,with his big ass mounted machine gun carried as though it weighs as much as a pistol,wins Chuck Norris' small puny ass sub machine guns.No contest.
Rambo:1
Chuck Norris:0

Next,further mathematical calculations and observations of the Earth's centripetal motion around saturn have shown that the size of Rambo's muscles in comparison to Saturn is as shown in the highly accurate scientific diagram below.Chuck Norris' muscles fail to even register on the diagram.How unfortunate for him.
Rambo:2
Chuck Norris:0

Alright,here is one aspect Chuck Norris would seemingly beat the pants of Rambo.Hair.Hair symbolises manliness in cultures across the world,and the density of hair present on a man's body is indicative of his worth to the tribe as an alpha-male.Chuck Norris is covered with so much hair he looks like a gorilla,and gorillas are manly!On the other hand,Rambo does not have a strand of hair on his gleaming muscular chest.However,one must take into consideration the fact that Rambo trudges through treacherous terrain with spikes and sharp objects protruding left right top bottom centre.He probably plucked out his own hair and threw them into the forest just so the trees would freak out from the presence of a substance so manly,causing them to uproot themselves and run.However,this is only a hypothesis.This round goes to Chuck Norris.

Rambo:2
Chuck Norris:1

Gritty dissection and study of movies both men have performed in revealed the obvious winner in this section.
Rambo movies involve huge explosions,imploding faces and enough blood to fill the Grand Canyon 10 times over and still have enough left to feed all the zombies and vampires in the Universe.
On the other hand,chuck Norris fights with homoerotic grappling techniques and fans seem to go crazy over his super flying kick,which is essentially just a super flying kick.No exploding heads,no super power colourful aura,no flaming legs,nothing.Rambo takes this round.

Rambo:3
Chuck Norris:1

Next would be the way both participants take out a helicopter.In the youtube video Chuck Norris versus helicopter,Chuck Norris takes out a helicopter with an RPG,causing fanboys to go crazy and jizz all over their keyboards.Rambo has taken out helicopters with an RPG,an Anti-Aircraft gun,the nozzle of A FUCKING TANK and not forgetting his FUCKING AWESOME EXPLOSIVE BOW AND ARROW!!!
Rambo:4
Chuck Norris:1

Next would be a youtube video titled Chuck Norris versus bear,drawing the usual reaction from his fanboys.In the video,Chuck Norris rescues a woman being threatened by a bear and grapples with the bear,eventually getting scratched across his chest.He then STARES DOWN then bear till it goes away.yeah.pretty manly.But this is what rambo would have done.

Rambo would have FUCKING WATCHED AS THE BEAR DEVOURED THE WOMAN BEFORE PROCEEDING TO FUCKING ROAST THE BEAR AND EAT IT WHOLE!!!inclusive of the woman in its tummy.That's because RAmbo is a cannibal,and cannibals are hardcore.
Rambo:5
Chuck Norris:1

Sorry chuck Norris,Rambo wins this manly competition hands-down.To date,noone has been able to even compare to Rambo's manliness!!!

Ok,so here i was,ranting my ass off about how awesome rambo is and how he epitomises manlyness when some random guy conveniently pointed out that some person called Chuck Norris kicks more ass than rambo.So I'm like WTF MAN!?!?!How can anyone kick more ass than rambo!?!?Rambo kicks so much ass all the silicone in the world won't be able to reconstruct the asses he ravaged!

Nevertheless,I shall look up this "Chuck Norris" person and find out if he is truly worthy of comparison to Rambo.Coming in my next post,a battle of manlyness,Rambo versus Chuck Norris.

We all know cool dudes are never punctual; they are almost always fashionably late. Therefore, it's imperative to give fashionable excuses whenever they are late. And cool dudes as we know it are the pinnacles of fashion, and everything fashionable. Therefore at CDR, as extremely cool dudes we have come up with extremely cool dude excuses for whatever the (late) occassion.

Late because of public transport:

1. Mister T had a stomach ache and had to go to the toilet.

2. I was taking the bus when suddenly the fire alarm sounded! Apparently there was a fire drill...

3. The bus i was travelling on started capsizing and we had to abandon ship...

Late because you woke up late/stuff u do before u leave the house:

1. I turned the heat too low, therefore i "wok" up late. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

2. I didn't have enough Thousand Island sauce, so i had trouble dressing.

3. I confused brush with bush....

4. I had breakslow this morning instead.

Late because u messed up the timings:

1. When you told me meet at 1500, i checked my clock but couldn't find 15.

2. When you said we were meeting at sunday, on that day itself i initially planned to go but it was raining so i had to wait for it to become sunny....

3. The clock ran backwards and i wasn't aware of it.

Ok i think that should cover most of the excuses that cool dudes should need! Oh wait there's still the...

I was walking on the road when i suddenly bumped into someone. He fell down and started bleeding profusely! I helped him to the hospital but at i realised that he wasn't bleeding, it was ketchup sauce...

Ok that's all!!

Signing off,
Peanut

While I would have loved to have launched a verbal assault on the random guy who sauntered in and started doubting our undeniable coolness, I fear that the volume of sarcasm dripping out of my computer from such an act would cause the silicon chips and what-nots to short circuit.So,i have decided to do another rambling blog post (probably my third) about RAMBO!!!

I shall now glorify everything that Rambo does in Rambo 3 which simply goes beyond the realm of manly into the unfathomable depths of KICKASS HARDCORE BADASS AWESOME MANLY!!!

I shall now type the rest of my blog post in CAPITAL LETTERS as an outlet for the sheer volume of adrenaline coursing through my veins after having watched one and a half hours of...stuff which simply escapes the ability the English Language has in describing its awesomeness. Perhaps i should use Chinese instead!Kidding...me cheena very feng he ri li.like zou jie lun.

OK TO START WITH,RAMBO GOT HIT WITH SHRAPNEL.SO WHAT DID HE DO!?!?HE BROKE OFF THE TOP BIT AND FORCED THE BOTTOM BIT OUT BY PUSHING IT OUT OF HIS FLESH!!!and here i was complaining about my microscopic lobe piercing...this guy has a hole THROUGH HIS FRIGGIN..ERM...stomach area?Diagram included to better describe postion of shrapnel insertion.

AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!WHAT DID HE DO NEXT!??!HE POURED GUNPOWDER INTO THE FRIGGIN WOUND AND FUCKING SET IT ALIGHT!!!SO THERE'S LIKE FIGGIN FIRE COMING OUT OF THE WOUND!!!IM LIKE HOLY SHIT!!!THAT GUY IS HARDCORE!!!
NEXT,HE WAS LIKE YOU KNOW?LIKE...YOU KNOW?LIKE!!!*GASP GASP GASP*FIGHTING WITH THIS GUY,AND THEN HE TIES A FUCKING CHORD ROUND THE GUY'S NECK AND LIKE PLUCKS OUT THE PIN FROM THE GRENADE STRAPPED TO THE GUY'S CHEST AND SHOVES HIM DOWN A HOLE!!!SO LIKE!!!THE GUY GETS HANGED AND U KNOW WHAT!?!!
HE HAD THE SHIT BLOWN OUT OF HIM!!!HOW HARDCORE IS THAT!?!?!BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
OKAY,AND NEXT YOU KNOW LIKE THIS BIG HELICOPTER COMES FLYING SHOOTING MISSILES AND BULLETS AT RAMBO,AND WHAT DOES RAMBO DO!?!?!?!
HE USES A BOW AND ARROW!!!A FUCKING SET OF A BOW AND AN ARROW!!!AND BLOWS UP THE ENTIRE HELICOPTER!!!IT WAS LIKE...BOOOOOOOOMMMMMM~~!!!
AND NEXT,THS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST AWESOME PART OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE.THIS FRIGGIN HUGE HELICOPTER COMES AFTER RAMBO DROPPING BOMBS AND FIRING LIKE 10 GAZILLION BULLETS A SECOND AT RAMBO,AND WHAT DOES RAMBO DO!?!?!
HE FUCKING RAMS A TANK!!!A STINKING TANK!!!!STRAIGHT INTO THE HELICOPTER!!!HE RAMS A TANK INTO THE HELICOPTER!!!A TANK!!!AND HE DOES IT WHILE HE'S STILL INSIDE THE TANK!!!STILL INSIDE THE TANK!!!AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?!?!?BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM~~~~!!!!

Gasp.gasp.gasp.Ok,I'm out of breath from all that virtual ranting.All those facebook bad-ass quizzes really get into your brain.If the SAF showed all the rambo movies to every single recruit entering NS, I don't think the army would have any slackers.But then again,I don't think a bunch of guys carrying huge guns spraying bullets all over the place can be considered much of an army....

Cool thought-inducing images to ponder over.

Waffle here.Today I shall document a few cool events that happened during a cool dude get together.When cool dudes get together,cool events happen.

Incident 1:The ear piercing experience

Shawn:Peer pressure peer pressure peer pressure

Me:Yeah ok.

Shawn:Not pain one.Not pain one.

Me:Mumbles...

2 girls behind us:Giggle...

*I sit down*

Piercing guy: 1-2...1-2...1-2..*click*
Me:OMG!!!ARGH!!!FUCK!!!SHIT!!!FUCK!!!

It felt NOTHING like a needle!More like getting shot in the ear by one of those air rifle shit guns.

2 girls:HAHAHAHAHAA (Seriously snide laughter)

Ok.As if that wasn't bad enough.here's wad happened next.

Girl 1:Chingchongchangcheeng
Girl 2:Chop suey

Yeah.They're speaking in Chinese.Girl one is kinda like trying to get girl 2 to pierce her ear somewhere or another.I don't take chinese ear anatomy so I have no idea what part they were talking about.

Girl 2 sits down

Me:Heh!Mutual entertainment.

Me and shawn stand there and stare.

*click*

The click sounded so loud in the silence...

Shawn plus girl 1 : HAHAHAHAAA!!!
Me: Whatever man! I have low pain tolerance ok!?!?

*Walks out of shop, ear burning*(not from embarrassment,from after effect of piercing)

Incident 2:Aku Pergi Tandas

Joel:Hey,could my friends get visitor's passes?

MJC Guard:I'll need your ICs

*Shawn and I fumble for our ICs*

MJC Guard:Purpose of visit?

Joel:Toilet

MJC Guard: .....

And I shall end off by a cool dude joke by peanut!

What's a canal without the sea?

ANAL!

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!!GET IT!?!?!?SEA...C...???!?!?AHHAHAHHAHHAA!!!

It's 3pm on a Sunday afternoon that I decided to get my lazy ass on the com to.... BLOG!! Yes yes I know... I'm so commited... Anyway I have compiled one of the coolest and hippiest jokes into one post. Lo behold!

Two peanuts were walking on the street, one was assaulted.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

"Do you know if there's a warehouse at aljunied?"
"Can ar?!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it was the wrong road.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

What do you call a pond? Pond
What do you call a bigger pond? PONDER

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

How did the old man win the olympics 100 m sprint? He used a hurricane

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

True or false? TRUFFLES!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

What looks like a grape and weighs a tonne? A one tonne grape

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Out of breath? GET SOME HEIGHT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One day a fly landed on a man. The man died. Why?
Cos it was a HOUSEFLY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mr Cabbage felt very hot one day. So he started taking of his clothes. Off came the sweater, then the shirt, then the pants, then.... HE DISAPPEARED!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

That should be enough to impress all of your imaginary cool friends...

A masterpiece of epic proportions.The perfect communion between love and sheer literary prowess.A harmonic waltz of the elements of the English language as they contort themselves to express my emotion.I shall now unveil the greatest love letter of all time.A masterpiece by the great Waffle to his current target.Who has not even read the letter due to his 爱情 making her fall ill.He shall completely eliminate the chances that the effects were so disastrous his informer refused to tell him of any results out of fear that his delicate sensitive emotions will be hurt.




UPDATE:My letter was described as being a "disgusting love letter".Sigh...Some people truly have no taste...Seriously,don't girls get bored of conventional mushy love letters?Those things make me want to eat myself so that i don't have to endure the agony of the words going through my brain and causing an epic mindscrew

Waffle is so friggin hardcore manly that he paid 1 dollar more on purpose at the hairstylist's just so he could pay the MEN'S rate instead of the STUDENT'S rate.

okay,time for a cool dude joke.

Singapore have bengali劳,thailand劳,myannmar劳,china劳 etc etc.

Which one make the most money?

卖蛋劳!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!

Yeah, so I was sitting around one night...reading the newspapers (I don't have a TV set that works) with my...dog(I don't have any friends) eating some...fruits (since there's nothing else in the fridge).When I thought of a great thing to do!BLOG!

So you think your post was long Kaya? it's time for me, the great waffle, to present another movie review to the masses. And the movie we have at hand to decimate, critic and make an absolute mockery of is... 17 again, starring none other than teenage heartthrob (His face gives me cardiovascular palpitations) Zac Afro!



Well, so this is how the linear non existent plot goes in between all the mindless sex. There's this fat dude with a beer belly who wakes up and finds that he is 17 again! HOLY CRAP! As if the title and trashy trailers didn't give it away already. The scary part would be that he is transported back into the 80s, where colourful reflective pants and outrageous hairstyles are all the rage. So what does our hero Zac Afro do? Well, apparently he lives with this really geeky dickasaurus and he's gay. Thing is, he's a circumstantial faggot, which means, he's gay only because he can't find a girl.


So once he realises that he's 17, in the 80s, and without a beer belly, he dumps the dickasaurus and starts things all over again, getting high on cheap booze, dancing at clubs where epileptic spasms are the closest thing one can get to breakdancing, and pretty much screwing every girl he sees, which is what contributes to the movie's R21 rating.


This movie fails in so many ways the sheer numerical values of phails would cause crocodiles to swallow themselves and cockles to bleed jelly. First up, we have the cast. Zac Afro fails. Period. wait. That was only one reason, but since Zac Afro fails so badly, it counts as a thousand gazillion. I mean, who could be more inappropriately cast to portray a person who is the epitome of manlyness. After all, that's what watching movies is all about, manlyness!


So who do I propose take his place? John Rambo! DUH!?


Rambo is the embodiment of manlyness. Forget being 17 years old again. We could star rambo being 17 MONTHS old again! Rambo is so hardcore he would still be awesome even if he's a stinking baby! Going around firing guns that weigh 100 times his weight, blowing up viet cong vehicles and ripping open the guts of viet soldiers before hiding inside their disembowelled bodies and controlling them like aliens. Better still, the directors could replace the vietnamese soldiers (they deserve a break) with ZOMBIES!!! ZOMBIES AND RAMBO IN A SAME MOVIE!?!? I fail to conceive how epic that would be.


Notice something? I coloured Rambo yellow. That's because rambo is so awesome he has got to be Chinese. Oh, and check out the new playlist, although i cant agree with the choice of some songs...

This better half of the post is dedicated to Kaya's deceased girlfriend(s), Ayumu 1 and Ayumu 2. I have too many waves of emotions to be put into words and I don't know where to start... Actually I don't have anything useful to say at all. Apart from HARDCORE MANLY ULTIMATE YEAHH!!!!! Ok moving on...

Oh yeah! My new mission for JC has been totally prioritized to being a super shinji ikari h game protagonist! My original plan for being a h game protagonist ended up in failure... So was my other plan to get a girlfriend without getting one. Oh yeah that'd be so hardcore. I'd like to pause here to explain my genius. Getting a girlfriend in JC is pretty useless, thanks to our wonderful education system we have going on in Singapore. Instead of making time to spend time with your gf or whatever, u can actually save time and still reap the benefits of getting a gf in jc! Cos it's unlikely u'd be doing anything much but talking about mushy mushy stuff stuff to your gf in class, after school, and over msn, of which i rather spend my time playing h games and surfing doujins than do any of those nonsense. So i came up with this brilliant plan. Make people believe that I have a gf! But in reality i do not. Man that'd be sooooo sweet... Get all those thumbs up from the matts and frequent "HARLER!!!", friendly shoves from them and.. and....

SCREW THAT MAN!!! IM FRIGGIN SHINJI IKARI NOW!!! I DONT HAVE NO FRIENDS AND IM A FRIGGIN PUSSY. I came to the shocking realisation that getting a gf without getting one doesnt reap any benefits at all. Therefore i went back to....

SHINJI IKARI H GAME PROTAGONIST!! I finally found out the reason why a 4d h game protagonist just doesnt cut it... Cos it's 4d damn it!!! So i'd turn myself into a 4d protagonist with a 2d-ish illusion, hence increasing the chances of me getting laid. Oh oh even better! A SUPER SHINJI IKARI H GAME PROTAGONIST!! That's be so awesome!! You can turn people into jello... ( I still dont get the ending to evangelion....)'

Oh well.. Waffle is still at the starting line.... and Kaya is still trying to find the starting line... I took a super detour and ended up crashing down the mountain and burning alive...

Ok whatever.... This post really sucks....

Smirnoff triple distilled is so pure it doesn't cause hangovers. Or maybe I just developed resistance...

After a really fun night,the cool dude management (or just me,actually) have come to a few conclusions about life.

1.American movies are nonsense.The crap they portray results in us never having a single female join our drinking parties,even if Peanut's girlfriend of sorts happens to live so near me.Why?Girls seem to be under the impression that getting drunk with guys will invariably result in them getting raped.Seriously.Rape?!?!?!That's probably the most mundane thing to do when you're high!Stupid Americans...

2.LAN when high is stupid.stupid stupid stupid!Waste high time..I just fell asleep at the computer.Stupid kaya...

3.Muthabak produces black puke and coleslaw produces white puke.

4.Bring ear plugs during sleepovers which involve guys and alcohol.Once the high is over,the bitching about personal relationships etc. etc. begins.Utterly unbearable when all you want to do is collapse and KO.

5.NEVER allow your sly sleepover guests to trick you into sleeping on the floor while they take your bed.

6.Do NOT carry your handphone around with you when you are high.You never know what type of bullshit messages you start to send.Encode all your contacts or do not save your contacts' names.You never know what YOUR FRIENDS will send out to unknowing contacts.

I just thought of the coolest delicacy ever during tuition class.It has the squishiness and sickly sweetness of a donut, the same golden brown shiny skin,the same shiny glazed outer surface,and if that isn't enough.It's double the satisfaction of a donut,and i have yet to come to the mystery ingredient.It's blue,it's flat and it's MYSTERIOUS....

Oh wait wait..Time for a cool dude joke.One day Mr Lee suddenly got killed.But the case was never solved and the murderer was never brought to justice.

Why?

Because it was a MISTERLEE wad!!!Get it!?!?MISTERLEE,MYSTERY!!!AHAHAHAHA!!!

Alright Alright,without further ado,i shall present the greatest invention of the century...


THE DONUT BURGER!!!A blue patty made up of an unknown sludge derived with the help of nanotechnology and advanced philosophy wedged between 2 donuts.Ahhh...The smell of genius...

Cool dudes Waffle,Kaya and Muffin decided to try parkouring.You know that jumping over walls,flying across buildings and jumping down stairways trying to be spiderman?Yeah that.Here are some drills we did.
Rolling after jumping down from random staircases at the playground

Handstands(or something which resembled handstands)
Super duper fast sound-barrier breaking sprinting

And what we looked like to other people.3 little piggies rolling around in the mud.YAY!

Real cool shit man

What cool dude WaFFLe did yesterday.We should all follow his kick-ass example.

Drank approx 150ml of 80 proof vodka neat.With coke light to wash it down.Totally tasted like hand sanitizer...

No big deal right?

Yeah.The great WaFFLe then proceeded to ice skate in his inebriated floaty happy sunshiney zoo wee mama state. The results were needless to say,awesome.

What he did do:
-Growled at everybody passing by
-Cut into a bunch of people taking a photo
-Raised his middle finger to some zhabo who objected his divine intervention in her photo
-Shouted FUCK YOU TOO to that zhabo
-Headbanged(Duh?)
-Laughed uncontrollably(Duh?)
-Shouted HIIIEEE!!! to lime green but she totally did not turn around and fungus did not pay him 2 dollars
-Wiped out till his jeans were totally DRENCHED with melted ice.Aka.Water.Phrased as melted ice for those whose primitive brains fail to see the link between ice skateing and getting your pants wet.

What he did not do (although it would have been excellent if he did the following)
-Puke
-Approach a little girl he found SUPER CUTE!!!Totally felt like hugging her...

Few regrets.Maximum fun.Lets follow the example of our great leader.Man...I love writing in third person mode...

http://www.blogthings.com/whatgenderisyourbrainquiz/
Too tempting for me to simply assure myself that my manlynes is totally EXTREME HARDCORE!!!YEAHHH!!!!

Screw the results.Stupid test.It fails.My brain is supposedly 33% female!WHAT BULLCRAP IS THAT!?!?!ITS NOT HARDCORE!!!Where did the 33% even come from you morons!!!Well,if the questions went something like this the results would probably be different.

1.Looking EXTREME HARDCORE is important to you
-True
-False

2.You are better at
-Being EXTREME MANLY HARDCORE
-just being a pussy

3.Do you tend to remember who you last EXTREME HARDCORE MANLY?
-Yes
-No

4.If you have a problem, you tend to
-RAZE THE WORLD TO THE GROUND!!!YEAH!!!!
-Sit there like a pussy

5.In an argument or heated discussion, you find it most important to
-KILL!!!RAPE!!!PLUNDER!!!BURN!!!!GRRROOOOOAAARRRR!!!!
-Sit there like a pussy trying to resolve the issue

6.Would you ever try an exciting new drug if it were illegal?
-IS IT HARDCORE!!!!???
-No.Drugs are NOT HARDCORE!!!UNLESS ITS HARDCORE!!!

7.If someone you know is acting strange
-GET HIM TO JOIN THE HARDCORE UPRISING!!!YEAH!!!
-Sit like a pussy and ask him/her what's wrong.

8.You tend to notice when someone has poor HARDCORE MANLY SKILLS
-SCREW THEM!!!THEY AREN'T HARDCORE ENOUGH TO DEMAND MY ATTENTION
-Nyeh???

9.If a friend who's gained weight asks you if she's gotten fat, you
-HARDCORE PEOPLE DON'T HAVE FAT FRIENDS WHO AREN'T HARDCORE!!!
-Give a pussy emotionally safe reply

10.When talking with your friends, you're more likely to discuss
-HARDCORE BURN!!!MANLY!!!ROAR!!!!
-Other pussy stuff.

This quiz is boring...And i think we all can see what direction I'm going in...

As we all know, student council members play an integral role in bonding the students together, and also to keep JC life as interesting as possible, so that cool dudes like me and Waffle don't need to suffer so much. That's why we at coolduderesource found it as a duty of utmost importance and value to bring you who we think is the most suitable for the job. As his managing committee, we have been tasked to promote his good name, and have full faith that he'll make JC life for everyone, an enjoyable one.

HELLO KIDS!! If you're bored of idiotic birthday parties, which are too pussy for you.... Well we've got a great alternative!! THE CAKE, oops i mean CABBAGE!!



Ah what fun!! Cabbages can also be used for great presents. It only costs 1.26, and it 's big ^^.

YIPPEEE!!!!Peanut turns 5 next week!So we held a really happy joyous sunshiney birthday party for him today!Complete with a birthday cabbage and a really big candle!Unfortunately,camwhoring does not come naturally to us.We attribute this to the high amount of compensation we have had to pay out to camera owners after our super powerful ultimate shuai-ness failed to be contained within a few measely pixels,devastating their pathetic cameras.As a result,we cannot display all the cool things we did today.But I shall list them out so that others can celebrate their birthdays in an manner that might be more MANLY!!!YEAHH!!!

-Buy a birthday cabbage for the birthday boy/girl (a withered cabbage will do for a girl)

-=) What to do next is a surprise that will be covered in our next release,the adventures of mister cabbage.

-Cremate a cockroach. (Preferabbly live.But we did it to a dead cockroach)

-Enjoy a seafood treat

-Create a birthday candle with oyster shells and set it alight,singing a birthday song at maximum volume in a crowded hawker centre wearing your school PE shirt.

-Oyster onion ice shake for the birthday boy!

-Play drive-bys and gangfights on roller blades and bikes.

-Wipeout a lot.

-Get up and start blasting school cheers while campers are trying to sleep in their tents.

Here are some pictures of our birthday cabbage ceremony.











Having experienced natural high,I shall now do a detailed analysis of the differences between natural,and alcoholic high.

Natural High
-U feel like doing stupid stuff and you look sane doing it

BOOZE!!!
-You just do stupid stuff and look really dumb.


Natural High
-You feel the warm fuzzy feeling of friendship.Awww....

BOOZE!!!
-What feelings?I don't feel anything.Ugh...get outta my way wall...Ugh...Gimme something to
hug...


Natural High
-You can walk and talk coherently

BOOZE!!!
-WHEEE!!!HEHEHEHEHEH!!!Stagger Stagger Fall


Natural High
-Wipeouts don't really hurt cause friendship cures the pain...

BOOZE!!!
-Roll Roll Roll...Did I just fall down a flight of stairs?THAT WAS FUN!LETS DO IT AGAIN!!!Why's my arm twisted like that...


Natural High
-You leave reluctantly,not wanting the night with your loved ones to end.

BOOZE!!!
-Screw off guys..i wanna go home and hit the sack...


Natural High
-You wake up the next morning appreciating life even more and wanting to meet your loved ones again.

BOOZE!!!
-My head...Feel like puking..Blehh..Blehh...Ugh...I'm never touching booze again. (The day after)
HEY!LETS GO FOR A DRINK!

And the obvious verdict?Booze wins.Hands down.No arguments here.