<( ' ' )> Sunday, June 28, 2009
After reading this blog,I have found it amazingly immature, childish, offensive,insensitive and degrading to many groups of people.As such,I will now post an example of how future blog posts will be like.No more will there be female-bashing or vulgarity-laden rants.Blog posts will be what blog posts are supposed to be like,details about my personal life and a small window into my delicate state of emotions.Let me begin by diving into every single minuscule
detail of my life today.No detail,however infinitesimal,shall be spared.Above all,I shall keep the tone cheery and happy so that we can all feel great reading my happy blog posts! =)
Today was an excellent bubbly cheery morning with the sun shining high in the azure blue sky!The chirpy birds were happy as usual.I got up to say hello to my wonderful family members and settle down to a great meal with them,laughing happily as we discussed stories in our lives.Once breakfast was over,I took a bath and did my beautiful hair and put on my make-up in front of my mirror before leaving to spend time with my buddilicous friends who provide me with lots of emotional support and have always been there for me.They are super refined and do not use any coarse language.
We spent our time at the department store contributing to the country's economy by doing our nails and buying cosmetic products.As usual,the conversation with my friendulous pals were great!We told each other how much we appreciated each other's company and how much we love being together.We even took a few photos together.Not really cam-whore lar.=P
Then we went to watch a movie!It was so touching!The protagonist kissed the girl of his dreams in a meadow full of flowers as the sunlight gleamed across their faces and as their lips interlock in beautiful embrace....
I can't go on.2 emoticons,one depiction of a romantic scene and an overdose of happiness.The torture I put myself through just so that all of you non-existent readers know how to create a gay blog post.The essential ingredients are
1.Happyness and love.LOTS of it
2.Pure innocent content.(Or at least fake it)
3.Poser smiling pictures of you and your "friends"
4.Details about your life nobody cares about
5.Gay-ass emoticons to display your inability to convey emotions and undertones with words and simple punctuation
And there you have it!A gay-ass blog post of your own!
<( ' ' )> Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Long scientific analysis incoming.Let's begin the battle of manliness between Rambo and Chuck Norris!!!
First off,weapons.As the great chinese philospher Cornlautzu once said,weapons make a man.After hours of complex mathematical derivation,I have come to the conclusion that manliness is directly proportional to the size of the weapon one regularly carries.It is evident who wins hands down here.Rambo,with his big ass mounted machine gun carried as though it weighs as much as a pistol,wins Chuck Norris' small puny ass sub machine guns.No contest.
Next,further mathematical calculations and observations of the Earth's centripetal motion around saturn have shown that the size of Rambo's muscles in comparison to Saturn is as shown in the highly accurate scientific diagram below.Chuck Norris' muscles fail to even register on the diagram.How unfortunate for him.
Alright,here is one aspect Chuck Norris would seemingly beat the pants of Rambo.Hair.Hair symbolises manliness in cultures across the world,and the density of hair present on a man's body is indicative of his worth to the tribe as an alpha-male.Chuck Norris is covered with so much hair he looks like a gorilla,and gorillas are manly!On the other hand,Rambo does not have a strand of hair on his gleaming muscular chest.However,one must take into consideration the fact that Rambo trudges through treacherous terrain with spikes and sharp objects protruding left right top bottom centre.He probably plucked out his own hair and threw them into the forest just so the trees would freak out from the presence of a substance so manly,causing them to uproot themselves and run.However,this is only a hypothesis.This round goes to Chuck Norris.
Gritty dissection and study of movies both men have performed in revealed the obvious winner in this section.
Rambo movies involve huge explosions,imploding faces and enough blood to fill the Grand Canyon 10 times over and still have enough left to feed all the zombies and vampires in the Universe.
On the other hand,chuck Norris fights with homoerotic grappling techniques and fans seem to go crazy over his super flying kick,which is essentially just a super flying kick.No exploding heads,no super power colourful aura,no flaming legs,nothing.Rambo takes this round.
Next would be the way both participants take out a helicopter.In the youtube video Chuck Norris versus helicopter,Chuck Norris takes out a helicopter with an RPG,causing fanboys to go crazy and jizz all over their keyboards.Rambo has taken out helicopters with an RPG,an Anti-Aircraft gun,the nozzle of A FUCKING TANK and not forgetting his FUCKING AWESOME EXPLOSIVE BOW AND ARROW!!!
Next would be a youtube video titled Chuck Norris versus bear,drawing the usual reaction from his fanboys.In the video,Chuck Norris rescues a woman being threatened by a bear and grapples with the bear,eventually getting scratched across his chest.He then STARES DOWN then bear till it goes away.yeah.pretty manly.But this is what rambo would have done.
Rambo would have FUCKING WATCHED AS THE BEAR DEVOURED THE WOMAN BEFORE PROCEEDING TO FUCKING ROAST THE BEAR AND EAT IT WHOLE!!!inclusive of the woman in its tummy.That's because RAmbo is a cannibal,and cannibals are hardcore.
Sorry chuck Norris,Rambo wins this manly competition hands-down.To date,noone has been able to even compare to Rambo's manliness!!!
<( ' ' )>
Ok,so here i was,ranting my ass off about how awesome rambo is and how he epitomises manlyness when some random guy conveniently pointed out that some person called Chuck Norris kicks more ass than rambo.So I'm like WTF MAN!?!?!How can anyone kick more ass than rambo!?!?Rambo kicks so much ass all the silicone in the world won't be able to reconstruct the asses he ravaged!
Nevertheless,I shall look up this "Chuck Norris" person and find out if he is truly worthy of comparison to Rambo.Coming in my next post,a battle of manlyness,Rambo versus Chuck Norris.
<( ' ' )> Sunday, June 14, 2009
We all know cool dudes are never punctual; they are almost always fashionably late. Therefore, it's imperative to give fashionable excuses whenever they are late. And cool dudes as we know it are the pinnacles of fashion, and everything fashionable. Therefore at CDR, as extremely cool dudes we have come up with extremely cool dude excuses for whatever the (late) occassion.
Late because of public transport:
1. Mister T had a stomach ache and had to go to the toilet.
2. I was taking the bus when suddenly the fire alarm sounded! Apparently there was a fire drill...
3. The bus i was travelling on started capsizing and we had to abandon ship...
Late because you woke up late/stuff u do before u leave the house:
1. I turned the heat too low, therefore i "wok" up late. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
2. I didn't have enough Thousand Island sauce, so i had trouble dressing.
3. I confused brush with bush....
4. I had breakslow this morning instead.
Late because u messed up the timings:
1. When you told me meet at 1500, i checked my clock but couldn't find 15.
2. When you said we were meeting at sunday, on that day itself i initially planned to go but it was raining so i had to wait for it to become sunny....
3. The clock ran backwards and i wasn't aware of it.
Ok i think that should cover most of the excuses that cool dudes should need! Oh wait there's still the...
I was walking on the road when i suddenly bumped into someone. He fell down and started bleeding profusely! I helped him to the hospital but at i realised that he wasn't bleeding, it was ketchup sauce...
Ok that's all!!
<( ' ' )> Saturday, June 6, 2009
While I would have loved to have launched a verbal assault on the random guy who sauntered in and started doubting our undeniable coolness, I fear that the volume of sarcasm dripping out of my computer from such an act would cause the silicon chips and what-nots to short circuit.So,i have decided to do another rambling blog post (probably my third) about RAMBO!!!
I shall now glorify everything that Rambo does in Rambo 3 which simply goes beyond the realm of manly into the unfathomable depths of KICKASS HARDCORE BADASS AWESOME MANLY!!!
I shall now type the rest of my blog post in CAPITAL LETTERS as an outlet for the sheer volume of adrenaline coursing through my veins after having watched one and a half hours of...stuff which simply escapes the ability the English Language has in describing its awesomeness. Perhaps i should use Chinese instead!Kidding...me cheena very feng he ri li.like zou jie lun.
OK TO START WITH,RAMBO GOT HIT WITH SHRAPNEL.SO WHAT DID HE DO!?!?HE BROKE OFF THE TOP BIT AND FORCED THE BOTTOM BIT OUT BY PUSHING IT OUT OF HIS FLESH!!!and here i was complaining about my microscopic lobe piercing...this guy has a hole THROUGH HIS FRIGGIN..ERM...stomach area?Diagram included to better describe postion of shrapnel insertion.
AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!WHAT DID HE DO NEXT!??!HE POURED GUNPOWDER INTO THE FRIGGIN WOUND AND FUCKING SET IT ALIGHT!!!SO THERE'S LIKE FIGGIN FIRE COMING OUT OF THE WOUND!!!IM LIKE HOLY SHIT!!!THAT GUY IS HARDCORE!!!
NEXT,HE WAS LIKE YOU KNOW?LIKE...YOU KNOW?LIKE!!!*GASP GASP GASP*FIGHTING WITH THIS GUY,AND THEN HE TIES A FUCKING CHORD ROUND THE GUY'S NECK AND LIKE PLUCKS OUT THE PIN FROM THE GRENADE STRAPPED TO THE GUY'S CHEST AND SHOVES HIM DOWN A HOLE!!!SO LIKE!!!THE GUY GETS HANGED AND U KNOW WHAT!?!!
HE HAD THE SHIT BLOWN OUT OF HIM!!!HOW HARDCORE IS THAT!?!?!BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
OKAY,AND NEXT YOU KNOW LIKE THIS BIG HELICOPTER COMES FLYING SHOOTING MISSILES AND BULLETS AT RAMBO,AND WHAT DOES RAMBO DO!?!?!?!
HE USES A BOW AND ARROW!!!A FUCKING SET OF A BOW AND AN ARROW!!!AND BLOWS UP THE ENTIRE HELICOPTER!!!IT WAS LIKE...BOOOOOOOOMMMMMM~~!!!
AND NEXT,THS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST AWESOME PART OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE.THIS FRIGGIN HUGE HELICOPTER COMES AFTER RAMBO DROPPING BOMBS AND FIRING LIKE 10 GAZILLION BULLETS A SECOND AT RAMBO,AND WHAT DOES RAMBO DO!?!?!
HE FUCKING RAMS A TANK!!!A STINKING TANK!!!!STRAIGHT INTO THE HELICOPTER!!!HE RAMS A TANK INTO THE HELICOPTER!!!A TANK!!!AND HE DOES IT WHILE HE'S STILL INSIDE THE TANK!!!STILL INSIDE THE TANK!!!AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?!?!?BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM~~~~!!!!
Gasp.gasp.gasp.Ok,I'm out of breath from all that virtual ranting.All those facebook bad-ass quizzes really get into your brain.If the SAF showed all the rambo movies to every single recruit entering NS, I don't think the army would have any slackers.But then again,I don't think a bunch of guys carrying huge guns spraying bullets all over the place can be considered much of an army....