<( ' ' )> Tuesday, April 29, 2008
INDONESIA ANNOUNCES PLAN TO BAN PORN
Darn it,this is way too cool,unprecedented and well...plain..erm...lets find a politically correct word to substitute the meaning of the words sheer ridiculous....cant find any,oh well.
This is a really ambitious step and we at coolduderesource absolutely condone and support their actions.After all,banning porn helps reduce the burgeoning world population,which would in turn lead to lots of advantages discreetedly embedded in our human geography textbooks.
However,we realise that there would be some rather uncool complications,although they are not very major,we would nevertheless like to bring them to your attention,we are,after all,absolutely concerned about regional relations.
2.What's porn,What's not?System abuse.
Sorry if these posts arent as cool.Exams are just round the corner,and my English is getting rather messed up grades.Cant blame my teacher though,he has yet to visit this site...
<( ' ' )> Friday, April 25, 2008
Hello! I'm Peanut! Long time no see huh? As you guys know, cool people do not make the same sounds as normal people do. They say things like "Eee!" and "Hyo!" Just kidding. They're not that smart to say things like that. Anyway, here's my amazing lesson on how to make "Strange Sounds made by Cool Dudes, By cool Dudes"
1: The laugh
The laugh is probably one of the most important sound which a cool dude could make. Other things which are also important to note is when to laugh, where to laugh, and what you laugh at. Ok what to laugh at? There are too many things that you may laugh at to be listed down, but i no what you shouldn't laugh at. 1. Intellectual Jokes 2. Jokes made by Waffle 3. Jokes made by Peanut 4. Jokes made by Kayapickles 5. Jokes that are funny in any conceivable way. In other words, as a hard and fast rule, DO NOT LAUGH AT ALL FUNNY JOKES. Good Examples of not funny jokes are: A duster falling off the whiteboard, and throwing paper balls at somebody's head. Resist the temptation, and you may be on your way to a laughing cool dude already. Next step to teach you how to laugh. Laughs are mostly identical, whatever the lame situation. Two short laughs, no hold notes, and it must be loud enough for your cool homies to listen. like "HAHA." Note the full stop. Step 3: When to laugh? Laughs are usually made spontaneously after the "joke" has been made. Step 4: Where to laugh? In front of your teachers, and fellow cool dudes. DO NOT laugh in toilets, in front of females, or watercoolers.
2. The protest
Only protest the cool dude way. When to protest? When you think that your pathetic whims and fancys are not met by whoever the uncool dude/dudess may be. Then it's time to PROTEST. How to protest? KNNCCB? FYMCB? GPYDIAMOABIYFT? URAFFFFFFWOTFOTFFFFFE? NO! That's what uncool dudes say. The "in" thing is... ZHAR ZHAR ZHAR (Zhng His Ass Right?)! Or WORAH WORAH WORAH (Without Original Ram AH)! As you have noticed this section is much shorter than the tutorial on how to laugh. Basically because the need for you to protest is nearly zero. Why? Because cool dudes do not have the mental capacity to decide whether their whims and fancys are not met by whoever the uncool dude/dudess maybe. So just try your best.
I've bet you guys noticed that there's only two sounds which cool dudes make. But cool dudes aren't very creative people. So from my overly long exposure to cool dudes, I have only gathered two sounds which they make. Which they only make. (Although the second thingie isn't very common.) So good luck to you guys who want to sound like cool dudes. So start ZHAR-ing NOW! PEace out man \/.
<( ' ' )> Sunday, April 20, 2008
A series of IQ tests,scientifically proven to raise your IQ from 20 to -300 Now,THAT is a huge increase. Rules: Hidden message in picture,decode it.Answers can be found by mousing your cursor over the pic.
EDIT:Since people claimed they couldnt see the pictures,answers are at the bottom of each picture.
Jack(Getting smashed in the balls) + Fruit(apple) = Jackfruit
Jackfruut pics...Which one is better?leave a comment
Fish + Ball = Fishball. Dead giveaway
Ban(As in legally disallow) + Na Na (the words in the ban) =Banana
Muffler (Those things worn over the ears to well...Muff out sound?) + In = Muffin
The ultimate.If you can guess this,I take my hat off to you.
Yeah right,I don wear a hat.As if im going to do something that degrading to my ultra cool reputation.
PaPa (CL for father) + Ya (CL for duck) =PaPaYA
Awesome heh?Stay tuned for more.Feel the cogs in your brain turning?Oh wait,perhaps you cant.Dinunitive or non existent cogs dont really make you feel anything.
<( ' ' )> Friday, April 18, 2008
As you can see,our blog aint the most popular in the world.Yet.So this section is devoted to some Not Frequently Asked questions which have nevertheless been asked.So we'll just reply to some of them.
Q: This whole site is nothing but cheap humour!!!!You people are brainless imbeciles!!!!I'm so intelligent and pompus and i have a bus shoved up my anus,which would explain my stuckupness!!!
Waffle: Dududududu~The wind whispers in my ear...
Peanut: I'm sorry, but I know you're dumb. Please try to understand by boiling your head.
Q: Your drawings are horrible.Why?Cant afford photoshop ah?
Waffle: We're new to this blogging thing.And yes we do have photoshop.But don't forget,cool dudes are'nt very smart,so we'll stick to paint for the time being.Thank you.
Peanut: Anyway, paint is what the masters use. only noobs use photoshop. and we always put the consumer before us. we're scared that if we use photoshop, it might cause the meltdown of somebody's brain due to excessive geniustic works of art.
Waffle:Yes we know its hard to understand at first,just try your best.We are after all,genii(plural for genius) and you're not.
Peanut: I recommend reading our IQ Improvement book. We have millions of satisfied users.
Q: Euu bloody f***king chee bais!!!Kanina!!U think veri funny arhhs!!!KNNCCB you all lar!!
Waffle:Sorry,i'm not fluent in idiot.
Peanut: The guy means that we totally rule, and should continue to produce such wonderful pieces of work. Such a nice guy...
Q: Where's the emphasis on (Insert some global event nobody cares about here)
Waffle:404 error.This webpage cannot be shown,so chop off your fingers (online equivalent of shut your mouth) and go somewhere else.
Peanut: Global events are not cool. Period.
<( ' ' )> Sunday, April 13, 2008
I admit,we have mad a slight mistake.Super loose pants are NOT the latest in cool fashion.Therefore,i bring to you today ladies and gentlemen,
(Pls note that skinnies are NOT effiminate,despite the fact that 90% of skinny models are female,and skinnies used to fall under the female clothing section at fashion stores)
Origin of skinnies: Matts?No,absolutely not,Skinnies came from Star Wars,no matter what other people say.Please observe the two highly scientific diagrams below for yourself
Dude wearing skinnies
See the similarities?Skinnies are for people who simply cant afford pants made out of adamantanium or whatever ATST legs are made of.Sorry,i aint all that good at Star Wars.
What can skinnies give you.Well,three things
Simply taper your school pants to look like skinnies,making sure they are above the ankle.The school pocket money fund will think you cant afford new pants and have been forced to wear some undersized ones you found in the dump,giving you money to buy new pants.
Wherever you go,people will fear you.Why?Because ATSTs have laser gun thingies at their waist,and they fear you might unleash torrents of vapourising blasts at them.Although personally,I do not fear skinnies.I simply think of a star wars scene involving pirate hooks,steel wire,a boomerang,and an ATST crashing to the ground.
Wearing skinnies suffocates your testicles aka balls.Now,this kills sperms and sex hormones,and is a perfect way to abstain from premartial sex.No matter that martial sex might be a problem in the future,going to such extents to stay pure,is amazingly respectable,even I dont dare do it.(still wearing Slacker18s.Regular cut)
For the grand finale,a poster of the official game for the use of skinnies,which are cool to the core.
This is waffle,signing off
<( ' ' )> Friday, April 11, 2008
Peanut here yoz!!!! I'm here to share with you guys a very special core value, which is global mindedness. If you have noticed, global mindedness is not a proper english word; you can't even find it in the dictionary. It's a term which many leaders use to encourage their [people] to be more open to different perspectives, and have the humility to learn. This term has hence been adopted by many big CEOs of big companies, politicians, and even principals of various schools. Purpose may differ, but the principle remains the same. In the case of [school], we believe that having a global mind is essential in not only our school days, but in our later adulthood too. I have thus created a video to showcase to you guys to help you understand more about global mindedness. While waiting for the video to buffer, please read the following stories to keep yourself entertained.Exciting story No.1Did you know that there is a statue of Lee **** *** somewhere in school? Well it's a figure of greatness, and it's meant to inspire unwilling students to study. Anyway here's my tale... There were rumours about the statue, how it moves at night, and how it turns people into stone like Med*sa. So me and my homies decided to check it out. One day, in the campus of [school], we set up the camp at the foot of the Lee **** *** statue. Then something unthinkable happened. We fell asleep.Exciting story No.2
I used to live in this very old house, because we were poor until you could laugh till you died. Anyway, there was this makeshift window, which was made up of a couple of planks nailed to a hinge connected to the window. During stormy weather, the planks will pivot around the hinges and bang against the boards of my house. I was always scared of it, even though I knew it was just the wind. But one day, as I lay awake listening to the pounding planks, I noticed something very perculiar. The planks were whacking harder and faster than usual, building up the tempo. It was as if... as if... Initially i was scared. The planks wouldn't do that. But I plucked up the courage to see what was making it happen. Then I realized something.... the wind was blowing harder than usual.
Exciting story No.3
There's this strange stairway in my house. On the fourth step of the stairs, it would give this strange creaking, as if it was moaning like a real human being. But it would only do that if someone put the pressure of their foot on it. One day, when my whole family was having dinner, we heard the strange moaning noise, when there wasn't anybody there to make the creaking. It was just then.... that my mum said.... "It's time to repair the stairs you know..."
THE GREAT VIDEO OF GLOBAL MINDEDNESS (COOL!!!)
<( ' ' )> Saturday, April 5, 2008
Alright all you people out there who want to have a cool and happening blog, but simply cant dish out articles as great as ours, i promised some cool photo poses, well, here they are.
Pose number 1:The D-S.
NO prizes for guessing where this was ripped off from.Why DS and not DX?Well,besides infringing copyright laws,its better to do a DS.After all,s is the letter for cool.Cool starts with the letter S.Spelling error?No...Cool people dont have brains.Their skulls are too cool to support any form of neuronic activity.Therefore,cool starts with the letter S.
Coolness factor 8/10 Do it with a straitjacket on, 9/10
(Didnt give it full marks because HBK is a meanie.He ended Ric Flairs career!!!WAHHHHHH!!!SORRY NO USE!!.Just a small tribute.WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~Whatever...)
Pose number 2:The M*s Selamat
Why the star?Well, after all, m*s selamat IS a star.And since hes part of an extremely prodigious cool dude agency,we dont want to use his name without getting the proper legal consent do we?
Paint your face brown,(Malays can save the trouble.Good for you guys),then stare at the camera full view.You gotta look fierce.Although i think m*s selamat looks more like a teddy bear than a terrorist in those posters.Why M*s selamat?Alright since most cool dudes spend their time "lepaking" around with no jobs,they dont have money,so they turn to crime instead.M*s selamat is an example of how cool dudes can look even cooler by having their pictures pasted all over the place.
Coolness factor 9/10 (forgot the blue backdrop)
Pose number 3:The jumping jugular
Alliteration,i know,im good.Alright,basically,you slice off your head down the jugular with a hydraulic powered piston attached to a blade made of pure sodium.It looks real cool.But..But...People cant see my super hamsome face?!?!?Oh?That means youre not cool enough!You dont NEED a face to be cool.Remember that.If you want to test your coolness level,just do as i say and see if your picture looks cool.Trust me,you will feel a lot greater once you do it.
Coolness factor 10/10
Looks like a maple leaf huh?Oh well,thats my great artistic power!Speaking of maple,i can log on to my own server!Instant level 200...Instant message me if you want to try logging on.Lots of unscripted areas though.Dont expect odin or local standards.
Alright,thats it.Go ahead you fellow bloggers,snap some pictures!Tag this page for all your cool friends if you want!This is Waffle,signing off for today.
<( ' ' )> Friday, April 4, 2008
Yo Yo Yo!! Peanut's in da house!!! Continued from last time. I shared with you four different ways that you can zhng your ELECTRIC car: Pipe, Turbocharge Sound, Umzheh Umzheh Machine, and Hairwax holder. Today, I'll go through four more ways that you can zhng your electric car.
As you all know right, all zhng cars have lights so that you can see from lights from Singapore to JB. This is called "fierce". F - I - E - R - C - E. Anyway, how to make your car look fierce with lights ar? No not the neon lights ar. That one too expensive, and not fierce enough. So must go to zhng car shop, and buy the CTDL, aka Christmas Tree Decoration Lights. Oh and don't forget to put patterns to the CTDL. Flashing flashing fierce ar! If can fine tune the timing of the flashes to the Sabai~ Sabai~ from the PSP speakers, then even more fierce. Like: SA (turn on), BAI (turn off), SA (turn on), BAI (turn off). Ah see? Fierce ar! Then come the solo SABAI part, must make the CTLD flicker. Then fierce.
To look fierce. CTDL not good enough. Must have sticker! Alot of people nowadays like to paste sticker on the side of the car. So we will likewise do the same. Of course you can't paste any sticker, you must paste COOL stickers. Yes I know what you guys are thinking... BARNEY! Super hiong ar. People see already scared. Ah, later on the roads/carpark, other zhng car dudes will say "Wah eh homie! Barney leh! Barney! I so scare!!" There? So fierce.
CTDL and Barney not material enough to look fierce, so must install wings at the backside. Actually the wing got no purpose. It doesn't make your car go faster... It only there to look fierce. So what kind of wings then can look fierce? Aiya it's so obvious... Go to the zhng car shop, and order FPTPCATBOCUMT, aka File Plus Two Paper Cups Attached To Backside Of Car Using Masking Tape. Ah, you see? Actually FPTPCATBOCUMT does make your car go faster. Cos the file is shaped aerodymanically from the boring wings. Then can compress the air into the backside. Then "Whoosh!!!!" You go faster!
Side skirts also quite important. Why ar? Cos can look fierce (duh). You see all the people sideskirt design very nice. They're car hiong right? Ahh~ But when cool things get too common, it doesn't become cool anymore. So the zhng car people very smart. They come up with special fireworks effect on the side-skirts. How to make your side-skirts have fireworks? Must put so low that when you drive the side-skirt drag on the ground! Not only got fireworks, also got sound leh! Sound hiong! Like your PSP speakers blasting, then also got screeching sound. Sa~ (SCREECH) Bai~ (SCREECH). Plus fireworks!
End result? The perfect super sound-fast look-fast ultimate zhnged electric car! It'll probably look something like this:
So are you prepared for the ultimate make over!!!!!!!!???!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??! YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Time to be soon-to-be cool dudes!!!
SEE U NEXT TIME!