Peanut here. To be cool in real life, you'll have to look out for certain important things. Now I shall talk about cars. Sure you guys most likely don't have cars yet, or you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. Anyway... Ah yes. Let's look at the few features on how you can "zhng my car".


Type of car:

Of course all of you guys will want to buy. Nope not Ferrari, neither a Lamboghini. But yes. AN ELECTRIC CAR!!! In [country], cars don't need to be fast. Just look fast, sound fast, then can already. Any electric car will do, as long as the top speed is below 50km/h and runs on battery. Then people will ask me "Where can speed with electric car ar?" Carpark lor (Speed limit 25 km/h leh!). Now we will see how to zhng your electric car.

Alright,title says it all.To all you dudes who really want to look cool playing soccer.Take note of some tips hidden in the picture.

1.The gravity defying hair

2.The pink aura in soccer animes and all that

3.The weird move where you flip the ball up from behind and it gets hidden nicely in the hair.Then,you can run all the wat to the goalpost without losing the ball.Unless of course someone knows kung fu.Afros rule.For soccer that is.

4.The bird being displaced by the ball.Nature is important.With mass deforestation,it would be really great if they could stay in the crevices of your hair.

Illustration by waffle to complement the bottom post,as peanut requested.

Peanut here. Now having a good reputation in school is very important, cos nobody's gonna look at your blog if you don't have good contacts. So let's look at a few easy steps to coolify your pathetic school life.


Jokes:
You'll fit in quite well if you make jokes that are 1. Lame 2. Lamer than the jokes cracked by your lame fren 3. Lamer than the lamer joke that your fren cracked in order to be lamer than the fren before him who cracked the lame joke in the first place. Here's an example: "Where? UNDERWEAR WORAH WORAH WORAH". See? You can totally sense the coolness aura given off by it. By the way, the aura should be pink in colour.


Test and exams:
The requirements for being cool based on test results is exceptionally high. For a cool dude to be cool, you must first score a MAXIMUM of 0 marks for the next class test or exam. This goes to show how intelligent you are, and the amount of hard work that you put in in preparing for the test. You can imagine the sense of pride which is felt when you show the test paper to your parents. So fellow cool dudes! Study hard!!!!


Sports:
A cool dude must be sporty. Their favourite games include soccer, and basketball. Let's talk about soccer. It is a lame ass, kick ball game, where the opposing teams fall in love with the soccer ball, and then suddenly hate it, where they kick the ball with all their might into the net. And the worst part is, the goalkeeper RESURRECTS the ball, and the game continues. Who invented this game? Who knows? Did you know that about a hundred car accidents happen daily because some idiot kicked a soccer ball onto the road and got knocked down by a car? Poor soccer ball...


Fashion sense:
Having a good fashion sense in school is possible. To be cool in school, one must 1.Tuck out their shirts 2.Defy gravity with their hair 3.Wear ankle socks to increase surface area to volume ratio to diffuse more dust particles into their skin. 4.Don't wear the school badge. The end result? You end up looking like the poor beggar you really are. Not that it's a bad thing. You could actually earn money if you hold an empty cup in your hand wearing that outfit.


Ok i'll stop here. Try out those steps if you want to be cool!

Pose number 1

The nonchalant intellectual pose

One must sit at a table,preferablly one laden with loads of thin books.(We dont want anything getting in the way of your pretty faces now do we?)Then,rest your cheek or jaw on a hand and look at the handphone camera out of the corner of your eye to give that i-dont-really-care-about -this-picture sort of look.

Coolness factor 4/10
Pose number 2

The real emit attitude pose.

This pose is great for emo people who love wearing mascara around their eyes.You have to really show your true attitude till the point where it comes out in read flames around you.NEVER face the camera fully.Either look at it with your back or side facing the camera.Remember,attitude is the key here.

Coolness factor 6/10


Pose number 3

The look down at the camera with that buay song lian pose.

As the name implies,you give a real buay song lian and look down at the camera and take a picture of yourself.Best used when wearing a jacket and with the wind swirling your clothes and hair.Why?To give that chinese kung fu movie feel where the main character is preparing to avenge his slain loved ones.Use flying leaves or Sakura around your feet for added effect.

Coolness factor 7/10

Pose number 4

The partner pose

Hey cool dudes are supposed to be socially active huh?They need to keep up with their huge fan base!No cool dude should be seen as without friends.In this pose,you take a picture with somwone as cool as yourself.It can be a bro,a potential mating partner, aka, girlfriend,or, as can be seen in the drawing,a gingerbread man.

Coolness factor 5/10.If you pose with a gingerbread man,8/10

Peanut here. Ok ok having a cool blog does not mean that you'll instantly become cool. The way you carry yourself in the outside world is also just as important as the online world. So let's follow some easy steps:

Clothing:
Many people have a sucky sense of dressing. Now dressing is extremely important. Cos first impression does matter in the world of coolness. To be defined to have a cool sense of clothing by other cool dudes, you must wear clothings that defy the laws of physics. You must put on an oversized cap, a pants which droops down until the buttocks, a belt which doesnt help at all, a shirt on top of a shirt which says something totally cool like "Wheetarded me". Of course a cool person wouldn't know whether it is physics-defying or not as he does not have the mental capacity to process that kind of information, but no matter. Just try your best.


Intelligence:
This is important. Cool people DO NOT like intelligent people. It seems as if cool dudes do not have an affinity towards intelligence. If you say something as complicated as "bannana", it's of the most likeliness that you be answered with puzzled looks and gaping jaws. You give them a maths sum to do, and they think that it's an advertisement. Perhaps the only way to communicate with them is to say things like "lubb" and "darr". If you use the real english terms, most likely they would not understand.


Hairstyle:
Many cool dudes just love to slather their hair with sticky substances in an effort to compete with each other on who can defy gravity the best using their hair. This contributes to global warming, makes your hair drop, and dust & dirt also get trapped in their hairs. I wonder what comes out of it when they bath at night... Anyway, unhealthy as it seems, some things must be given up for the greater good.


Bling:
Earrings, chains etc etc. Those are classified under bling bling. Cool dudes like to wear bling because they can cause more car accidents when crossing the road at night, as the xenon lights of the car shine onto these bling, and gets reflected back into the eyes of the driver. Thus causing an accident. They also wear it just in case lightning strikes, and when it does, the bling attracts the lightning away from the surrounding area and strikes the cool dude, giving up his life for the greater good. Therefore bling is good for being cool.


Ok I'll stop here. Of course there are many other things which you should look out for, but i hadn't the time to do it. Let me practise my cool vocab. BHUAIII MUACKS LUBB YOU DAR DAR!
See you next time!

Hey. YOYOYO muh name is nigga p x to the z y to the a dx/dy=y=mcx/e.Which translates to...WAFLLE!Yeah i know.My name alone exudes sheer unadulterated coolness.As expected from me i guess.The first step in online coolness will be to well,create a totally cool blog.Dont be despaired even if you cant create one as great as this,after all,the authors of this site are internationally renowned cool dudes.Today,i will simply start with steps 1 and 2.

Essentially,a cool blog documents the life of a cool person who simply thinks people actually want to know about his/her life.In actual fact,its pretty obvious that they are simply either friends and are visiting the blog out of respect or,which is very prevalent in our society,simply sexually attracted to the blog's writer and will trudge through paragraphs of incomprehensible rambling simply to further understand the psyche of the potential mating partner.

Step 1:Include loads and loads of boring lame ass rambling.I shall enclose a short section written by me for reference.

24th April 2009
Yay!Its mhuaii bhirthdaees.It ees aee really happiiies dayyeee for miiees.Buutt then whorx,todae the teacher horss,very means lehhs.

You now continue on about how the teacher forced you to work that diminutive mind of yours by piling 3 questions onto you to go home and finish as homework,how you accidentally dropped a strand of perfectly sculpted hair into the sink and a whole bunch of lame ass crap in an equally lame ass monotonous tone.

Step 2:Step 2 is to enclose loads of lame ass pictures of yourself in all sorts of idiotic "step" poses to attract mating partners.I will enclose some examples when i have the time.But first,to explain the word step.

It means...to use the underside of your foot to apply pressure or force unto sth.(official waffle definition)But...has been adopted INGENIOUSLY (notice the caps?) to mean act. Eg. Mai step cool lar. Wah..step seh...

Origin of this word is unknown to me.Probing will only decrease my IQ to a further negative value.My guess is that since this phrase originated form matts(gangsta malays) which come from broken families,the word step is taken from the words stepmother/stepfather, probalby to refer to sth which physically exists but does not serve its intended purpose or fulfil its duties.

Alright thats it, until next time.bb

Hi Peanut here. It's too bad chinese takes too long to type out a proper sentence. So therefore the following blog posts will be in English. Please read the following before reading the other posts.

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If you couldn't understand that paragraph, you're on your way to a cool dude already!