<( ' ' )> Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Long scientific analysis incoming.Let's begin the battle of manliness between Rambo and Chuck Norris!!!
First off,weapons.As the great chinese philospher Cornlautzu once said,weapons make a man.After hours of complex mathematical derivation,I have come to the conclusion that manliness is directly proportional to the size of the weapon one regularly carries.It is evident who wins hands down here.Rambo,with his big ass mounted machine gun carried as though it weighs as much as a pistol,wins Chuck Norris' small puny ass sub machine guns.No contest.
Next,further mathematical calculations and observations of the Earth's centripetal motion around saturn have shown that the size of Rambo's muscles in comparison to Saturn is as shown in the highly accurate scientific diagram below.Chuck Norris' muscles fail to even register on the diagram.How unfortunate for him.
Alright,here is one aspect Chuck Norris would seemingly beat the pants of Rambo.Hair.Hair symbolises manliness in cultures across the world,and the density of hair present on a man's body is indicative of his worth to the tribe as an alpha-male.Chuck Norris is covered with so much hair he looks like a gorilla,and gorillas are manly!On the other hand,Rambo does not have a strand of hair on his gleaming muscular chest.However,one must take into consideration the fact that Rambo trudges through treacherous terrain with spikes and sharp objects protruding left right top bottom centre.He probably plucked out his own hair and threw them into the forest just so the trees would freak out from the presence of a substance so manly,causing them to uproot themselves and run.However,this is only a hypothesis.This round goes to Chuck Norris.
Gritty dissection and study of movies both men have performed in revealed the obvious winner in this section.
Rambo movies involve huge explosions,imploding faces and enough blood to fill the Grand Canyon 10 times over and still have enough left to feed all the zombies and vampires in the Universe.
On the other hand,chuck Norris fights with homoerotic grappling techniques and fans seem to go crazy over his super flying kick,which is essentially just a super flying kick.No exploding heads,no super power colourful aura,no flaming legs,nothing.Rambo takes this round.
Next would be the way both participants take out a helicopter.In the youtube video Chuck Norris versus helicopter,Chuck Norris takes out a helicopter with an RPG,causing fanboys to go crazy and jizz all over their keyboards.Rambo has taken out helicopters with an RPG,an Anti-Aircraft gun,the nozzle of A FUCKING TANK and not forgetting his FUCKING AWESOME EXPLOSIVE BOW AND ARROW!!!
Next would be a youtube video titled Chuck Norris versus bear,drawing the usual reaction from his fanboys.In the video,Chuck Norris rescues a woman being threatened by a bear and grapples with the bear,eventually getting scratched across his chest.He then STARES DOWN then bear till it goes away.yeah.pretty manly.But this is what rambo would have done.
Rambo would have FUCKING WATCHED AS THE BEAR DEVOURED THE WOMAN BEFORE PROCEEDING TO FUCKING ROAST THE BEAR AND EAT IT WHOLE!!!inclusive of the woman in its tummy.That's because RAmbo is a cannibal,and cannibals are hardcore.
Sorry chuck Norris,Rambo wins this manly competition hands-down.To date,noone has been able to even compare to Rambo's manliness!!!