<( ' ' )> Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Yeah, so I was sitting around one night...reading the newspapers (I don't have a TV set that works) with my...dog(I don't have any friends) eating some...fruits (since there's nothing else in the fridge).When I thought of a great thing to do!BLOG!
So you think your post was long Kaya? it's time for me, the great waffle, to present another movie review to the masses. And the movie we have at hand to decimate, critic and make an absolute mockery of is... 17 again, starring none other than teenage heartthrob (His face gives me cardiovascular palpitations) Zac Afro!
Well, so this is how the linear non existent plot goes in between all the mindless sex. There's this fat dude with a beer belly who wakes up and finds that he is 17 again! HOLY CRAP! As if the title and trashy trailers didn't give it away already. The scary part would be that he is transported back into the 80s, where colourful reflective pants and outrageous hairstyles are all the rage. So what does our hero Zac Afro do? Well, apparently he lives with this really geeky dickasaurus and he's gay. Thing is, he's a circumstantial faggot, which means, he's gay only because he can't find a girl.
So once he realises that he's 17, in the 80s, and without a beer belly, he dumps the dickasaurus and starts things all over again, getting high on cheap booze, dancing at clubs where epileptic spasms are the closest thing one can get to breakdancing, and pretty much screwing every girl he sees, which is what contributes to the movie's R21 rating.
This movie fails in so many ways the sheer numerical values of phails would cause crocodiles to swallow themselves and cockles to bleed jelly. First up, we have the cast. Zac Afro fails. Period. wait. That was only one reason, but since Zac Afro fails so badly, it counts as a thousand gazillion. I mean, who could be more inappropriately cast to portray a person who is the epitome of manlyness. After all, that's what watching movies is all about, manlyness!
So who do I propose take his place? John Rambo! DUH!?
Rambo is the embodiment of manlyness. Forget being 17 years old again. We could star rambo being 17 MONTHS old again! Rambo is so hardcore he would still be awesome even if he's a stinking baby! Going around firing guns that weigh 100 times his weight, blowing up viet cong vehicles and ripping open the guts of viet soldiers before hiding inside their disembowelled bodies and controlling them like aliens. Better still, the directors could replace the vietnamese soldiers (they deserve a break) with ZOMBIES!!! ZOMBIES AND RAMBO IN A SAME MOVIE!?!? I fail to conceive how epic that would be.
Notice something? I coloured Rambo yellow. That's because rambo is so awesome he has got to be Chinese. Oh, and check out the new playlist, although i cant agree with the choice of some songs...