<( ' ' )> Sunday, February 15, 2009
Hey people!I know you non-existent readers who religiously follow what I post on this blog were refreshing this page a gazillion times over yesterday wondering why no rant against VD has been uploaded.Well,here it is,after the great WaFFLe has decided to take time off his busy elite JC schedule.Better late than never yeah?
And on a different note,my mother/personal driver broke a new speed limit today.60kmph on the PIE!!!I now have no doubt in mind that 90% of traffic jams and super violent accidents are caused by female drivers.
I shall begin with some stuff I find really annoying about VD.
Matching cutesy couple Ts.These make me totally feel like puking.If they really want to wear matching clothes they can get enlisted in some mental hospital and stagger around happily in their identical straitjackets.Then again,I think anyone who condones wearing a stupid looking T shirt for his/her "loved one" probably should have been detained in a sanitarium long ago.
(Picture does not accurately depict the words written on these shirts,which make my hair stand so much i do not wish to draw them out)
Flowers.Not that I have anything against them.I just hate their ridiculous pricing and the fact that so many plants suffered decapitation for the sake of silly couples.(Actually,I'm just sore about having spent 5 dollars on them.It was for pride ok!?I don't like gorging on people'e chocolate and not giving anything in return.)
Stupid guys bringing their acoustic guitars to the beach and singing some gay ass pop song for their girlfriends,who apparently all seem to be completely deaf,and are actually enjoying what sounds to me like... really bad pop music.Ew...As if pop music on its own wasn't bad enough.
And not forgetting...THE FACT THAT NO SG GIRLS ARE COOL/AWESOME/FUNNY/WITTY/PRETTY/DOCILE/OBEDIENT ENOUGH TO BE WORTHY OF MY TIME.
And so as not to be accused for being absolutely unobjective,I shall now post solutions to all these pesky Vday problems.
Flamethrower.Not much needs to be said.Just raze all the mushy nonsense to the ground.
Metal band.Just bring them all to the beach to belt out hardcore metal songs and drown out the stinking pop music from cheap acoustic guitars.
Imagination.Just pretend you have the perfect girl and...give up after 5 seconds,go online,and chat with other lonely people on VD night.
All right,that's it from me.
Recommended reading:Phin Wong's VD article in the Valentine Day's eve Today Newpaper.
EDIT:Whoops!I forgot to post a solution to the last issue about the quality of girls in Singapore.The only solution of sorts I can conceive would be to make them read this blog 24/7 for 20 years,analysing dissecting and assimilating every letter until they turn cool.At least they can have decent personalities.But they'll be old hags by the time they're done...All the better.Then there'll be fewer babies...Let's not get carried away,that is a different topic for a different day.