<( ' ' )> Monday, June 2, 2008
All cool dudes need to hang out somewhere,and what better place is there than the beach.It is,after all,free.A day of painful sunburns,sand saturated clothes and sweat drenched shirts awaits you cool dudes!!!But wait,you need to be prepared for a day at the beach,and this post will teach you exactly how to do so.
Dressing.What comes to your mind when the phrase dressing to go to the beach is mentioned?A muscular dude wearing a straw hat,hawaiian shirt,dark sunglasses and beach shorts spread out under a beach umbrella with a cold martini in hand?If it is...You are pathetically uncreative!(which is expected from cool dudes anyway.Big deal...)
To begin,you should rally a bunch of friends.Noone likes to go to the beach and gaze at the sprawling ocean alone.Unless of course,you are contemplating suicide.
On the morning of the proposed outing,go to the beach 1 hour EARLY.This is not the time to be fashionably late.Wear beach shorts from Australian surf brands such as Billa***g or R*p**rl.Not wearing a shirt would go well with your scrawny physique.If you are full bodied (aka. FAT) wear a really tight sleeveless shirt.To show off your...you know...hot bod?
Things are going to get real confusing now.Do NOT style your hair into the porcupine-durian or lion-asparagus style YET.These may look great when you are at the zoo(inside the enclosure),but not at the beach.Instead,bring along a tub of hair wax,the flexible type,and go to the beach with your out-of-bed hair.Another reminder,remember to do this REALLY EARLY.Like say...6 in the morning.
Now,upon your arrival,silently shift away from the patches of elderly folk doing their taichi exercises,secrecy is important.Find a secluded spot on the beach,(AWAY FROM THE WAVES you idiot!It will be troublesome to move your puffed up body from the beach),and slather no less than a 1 litre tub of hair wax onto your hair.Now simply pretend to meditate on the beach,as the sea breeze weaves its way through the many gaps between your hair,styling it for you.I know,i am a genius.
As your friends begin to arrive,you can greet them with your new natural beach hairstyle,and introduce them to the birds which have settled in your hair to gather materials for their nests.