Made by Cool Dudes, For Cool Dudes

Girls

2011-04-19T20:22:00.003+08:00

First off,do not dismiss this post as a despo rant by a lonely,sad pathetic unproductive individual of society,(as much as it'll probably degenerate into one by the end,as the angst slowly builds up).For this is in actual fact,a response to a controversial blog post that has taken the Singaporean web realm by storm,and also a last ditch attempt to salvage whatever remains of my literacy abilities,which pretty much lies in shambles since the last CDR post.Content too personal/inappropriate for mass consumption on facebook?Too bloody long for an msn display message?Take it to the good ol' blogosphere.Alright.And so it begins.

An introduction to the aforementioned controversial post...NAWWW!!TOO BLOODY LAZY!!!Read it for yourself here.I feel compelled to write a response.The guy's edition on girls.Allow me to enlighten you imaginary readers on the makings of a VJ boy's mind.

I shall classify the quality of girls in order of their secondary schools,since it is society's paradigm to define a person's character by her secondary institute of education.

RGS
...
TKGS
...
KC
...
St NIX
...
SCGS
...

Alright cut it out.It's too painful to continue.Obviously,one did not spend much of his pubescent years pondering about the complexities of the opposite sex or more precisely,the human relationships with them.(since everyone has porno sites for discovery of these complexities)While most ABS(All boy's school) guys were staking out hunting grounds for fresh meat,honing their methods of approach and going on experimental group dates with their AGS counterparts,the post-school life of an ugly,loser VS bum went something along these lines.

-Wan play LAN?
~No money
-Aku Blanjah
~Scared mother scold ah,she wan me study :(
-Say got project lah
~...yah hor,actually can.set.

And so,many afternoons were spent on the conquest of the numerous projects handed out to us seemingly every single day of the week.Since schools are too specific and wayy above my level of comprehension,I shall use another method of arrangement.*Do not proceed if you are sensitive to homonecropedobeastiality*

NSKs-Sibei song dah!!!Chinese NSK XMM.Song ttmz.Damn cute and cuddly.Lurbs <3 Will probably lose her virginity at 10,fail all exams as a result of gallivanting with ah bengs and end up marrying a rich,sad,lonely,ugly guy (someone like me,minus the rich) once she reaches her late 20s and realises she has no stable income.
MOA(method of approach)-Be the most sat-ki kid in class,have the wildest hair,buy soft toys for her,and whisper sweet insincere praises into her ear.

Atas(smart)-Parents drive her to and from school,takes ballet,violin and high-class external lessons after school.Unattractive,but highest potential to live off her after marriage,if one has no manly pride whatsoever,and a significant dose of good looks of course.
MOA-You don't approach them.They approach you if they find you a suitable husband.Kinda like a job application for a high paying job nobody wants.

Atas(Dohhh...)-Parents drive her to and from school too.Fails all her classes,but who cares?She can just manipulate her parents into feeding her money by taking them on a guilt trip for the time they never spent with their child,making them hope that money can compensate for the insecurity and total asshole-ness she now has.Dreams of being a model (read,euphemism for whore) and will sleep with any douchey jock once she leaves her expensive atas AGS.
MOA-Be a total douche,preferably with some connections to a bigshot in a modeling company.

Everyday Average Normal Gal-Decent grades,Decent looks,Decent body,Nothing special just everyday normal 9 to 5.
MOA-Be an Average Normal Guy with EAN dreams of working a 9-5 with an EAN paycheck living an EAN life,meet under EAN conditions...you know the rest.

Glamour Queen-Pretty,Friendly,Smart,Likeable(In a mainstream sorta way)Usually from dance or some glitzy CCA.
MOA-Be the coolest kid in school,kinda like the most sat-ki,except like y'know in a suave,sexy sorta way.

Plenty more,too lazy to list.Post gettin' kinda long and rant-y.

Right,as a response,I should also post what accomplishments you should have if you beg to differ from my opinions.

1.Have you earned more than 900/month at any point of your life?
2.Have you had a pretty XMM gf?
3.Have you passed Higher Chinese before?
4.Have you held a job for anything more than 3 months?
5.Can you make any coherent noise with a musical instrument?(APART FROM THE RECORDER!THAT DOES NOT COUNT!)
6.Can you run 2.4 km in 15 minutes?
7...I'm really struggling to think of accomplishments here.

ONLY if you have answered yes to these questions are you qualified to debate (or highly potentially,embarrass) me.

That's it for the night from me!

2010-04-04T22:27:00.003+08:00

You know those old ahmas that u accidently bump into them on the bus or the train or in some public place for that matter? They'll look at you as if they want to gorge out your eyeballs, suck your brains out with a straw and leave your carcass by the roadside for the vultures to feed on, even after you have apologized. I really don't get how they can be so hypocritical especially since they whine about this and whine about that every single day. Every single day! Chances are they are the majority of your mums or aunts so i guess you can empathize with that. Here's an advice for people as offended as me by these thoughtless beings. Give them the finger and say "thank you very much, now fuck off." For those mindful people thinking of giving up their seat for an auntie or uncle, this gives u a very good and valid reason to think twice. Singaporeans will be singaporeans after all. What goes around comes around, there's no need for a spoil market to exist.

As a sidenote the standards of Singapore girls are dropping. Or are my standards just getting higher? Sigh the pain an idealist has to endure...

1/4/2010

2010-04-01T23:01:00.002+08:00

ZY:Holy crap!MRT got fire sia.
Me:Nonsense
ZY:Serious!My friend SMS me news report
Me:LKY would sue the fire to bankruptcy and exile before it can even reach the MRT

Happy April's Fools day.

Rant time.Ok.So this Monday i was at the gym just doing my stuff and keeping my lithe sexy body in shape.Then 3 VS boys (presumably VS cos of the crude behavior they were about to display) came in.They

1.Lifted with jerky stupid motions and slammed weights all over the place
2.Used profanities like crazy even though the context was completely inappropriate and no statement required the injection of profanity to express emotion.
3.Spoke damn bloody loudly
4.Compared who could lift heavier weights (totally stupid) which resulted in more of (1)
5.Carried themselves with this aura as though they're the most bad-ass bunch of niggas in the gym
6.Acted like they damn big shit.Oh wait,same as (5)
7.Polluted my air with their cocky aura

Seriously.What are you all trying to prove by throwing weights all over?No,you're not strong,you'll just get joint pains faster.Morons...

2010-03-26T07:53:00.003+08:00

You guys have any idea what's the number one thing people look out for when trying to expose cool dudes for the math nerds they are?

PLUS SIGNS. Yes that's right, the thing you use to add 1 and 1 together.

Lost?

fuck yes brobee take my warm sticky plus signs like a good girl man that is so hot

Seriously guys why do you have plus signs spraying out of your cursor? That's just gay man.

SG

2010-03-23T22:05:00.002+08:00

Alright.here's a rant on a topic some might find rather sensitive.Foreign talent.

Just this Saturday,as I was heading home from a mentally taxing tuition session,I stepped into an MRT carriage as always,not having the financial or legal ability to drive a bulldozer home.Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.The handles were all in place,the seats were the same shiny green colour and PCK smiled at me reminding me to give up the seats at the corners for oldies.Upon closer observation, it dawned upon me that the nagging feeling in my gut that i was out-of-place was not unfounded.

There was noise in the carriage. Hell, there's always noise in an MRT carriage.But this time it was different. I didn't get a single word which was being uttered. IT WAS ALL IN CHINESE/SOME WEIRD NON-ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Nope,it wasn't the bitchy auntie raving on and on about how the new generation is a disgrace or the uncle expressing his hatred for our much loved public figure LKY. I looked around,saw a foreign couple making out in the middle of the carriage,a Chinese lady with heavy make-up carrying an LV bag (presumably fake.you wouldn't be taking the train if you could afford LV) and a bunch of Indian/Bangladeshi workers talking quietly among themselves.

Scanning the radius, I realised that i was the ONLY Singaporean within a 1m radius. With the exception of a guy wearing an army singlet with the beh kan NSF regular look.

SERIOUSLY!!!THAT'S DAMN FREAKY!!!

We're becoming the minority in our own country overnight!Alright.Just to put things in perspective.I do not have anything against our foreign friends.being an educated individual,I understand how these dudes are an imperative for the financial progress of our nation.I also do not have anything against foreign workers.They are super nice people.I chatted with a Myanmar and PRC guy before while waiting for my bus to school.And lets not forget my tiong-ge buddies in school who are seriously damn funny and cool.

The only area I'm uncomfortable with is that home just doesn't feel like home anymore. As much as I found the Ah Lians shrieking in Chinese,the bengs affectionately cuddling their lian counterparts and the matts blasting music from their phones annoying,these were the things which defined the environment I grew up in.They all brought a sense of familiarity when i step into public.And though I might not completely understand the details of all the conversation going on around me due to my abysmal command of any language apart from English, there was an order and understanding in the familiarity of it all. And these familiar surroundings brought a sort of calm and comfort.

Now that it's all changed in the blink of an eye, and more changes are foreseen in the near future, well,i fear that this country might not feel like the one i spent my childhood in. Give them time,the gahmen says, they will integrate.But who Integrates who?That's the question.Them, or us?

I'm sorry beautiful nation, but in the years to come, you might not see me here anymore. When you become a stranger to the surroundings in the place you once called home, one would choose to seek out other places with a more home-ly feel. Well that's all for my rant. PAP watchdog, this is one area you might want to look into. I don't think I'm alone in my sentiments.

On a completely unrelated side note, I am now the president of VJC's girl watching club. Our president is on the way to a definite engagement, which instantly disqualifies his membership, leaving me in charge. Sigh... A blessing? Or a sign of how horrendous and pathetically disappointing my JC love life (which is non-existent to begin with) is?

2010-03-23T20:53:00.000+08:00

man i'm so edgy i scare myself sometimes.

2010-01-13T22:17:00.002+08:00

Chapter 2: "School must be the harvester of sorrow"

It was the day of the open house, 3 days after the start of the first term this year. The school bustled with students trying to get their booths set up as well as prepare for the dance. Our protagonist watched from afar the steady stream of secondary school students entering the college. He chuckled to himself, imagining them as cattle being led to the slaughter house. First impressions are important, and this explains the hype. Lost in his thoughts, he felt a tap on his shoulder suddenly. It was his company for the better half of the day. He nodded and proceeded to follow her away from the crowd, the noise, and the heat. He paused slightly to look at the sky: The sun was high without a cloud in the sky. He shook his head and said to himself that it was going to be a long day ahead.

Earlier in the morning, he had chatted idly with her, and time flew past till they had to part for a while to perform their respective house dance. After the previous house had performed its dance it was time for his house. Grumbling slightly, he headed towards the center of the assembly plaza, and made sure that he was surrounded by people. He couldn't remember how half the dance went and predicted with certainty that he'd screw up. The dance started and he found himself swinging his arms wildly to imitate the moves the others were doing, which resulted in a horribly off-timed, and clumsily slow, movements haphazardly put together. Dancing never was his forte. Soon it was all over, and the crowd cheered. Yeah, such great lengths to convince the visitors the college is a bustling, vibrant, fun-filled education institution sure is commendable. Chances are they are failing pretty horribly was what he thought as he headed back towards the shade.

He received a call from Cool Dude Affiliate, asking which direction to take the bus to his college. After mistakingly asking him to head to the interchange to take it he had asked him to turn back the way he came from and turn left. To no one's surprise he screwed up the directions, and ended up in some remote area far away from his intended destination. It would take him another 2 hours and 5 phone calls before he was able to reach the college. Meanwhile our protagonist was busy making life hard for everybody he met by disturbing them with his useless dialog. He was no where to be seen at his designated booth.

The long day continues...

Chapter 1 - "The world is square" says the goldfish

2010-01-09T16:59:00.004+08:00

Chapter 1 - "The world is square!" says the goldfish

He looks at the new timetable in disbelieve: More lectures, and a daily dismissal time of 5.05 pm. In addition to that he still has to accomodate his tuition, as well as his H3 course. He lets out a sigh, a sigh which he had made countless of times in the past year. He knows that it's going to be a long year ahead. "Where oh where am I going to find time to do my leisurely activities! (SuddenAttack)" he cries, but beneath that complaint lies an even more intricate problem that he's been tackling throughout the last year; returning to school only gives him that stark reminder. We will leave the elaboration for another time. School starts next monday, just 2 days away. We can only hope his life from that day onwards passes smoothly, though that hope seems bleak: He hasn't finished 1/8th of his holiday assignments yet.

2009-11-26T22:45:00.003+08:00

Good evening my dear readers,I leave for Indonesia tomorrow,so before i leave,I shall leave one post for your viewing pleasure.

Sleepless nights.We all hate them.Tossing and turning about wondering if onyx would last two minutes against the ninja turtles and how it would eventually cause the pivotal shift in world politics.Whether the pudding you had for dessert was free from bacteria,or whether the pretty girl staring at the bus stop just now actually mistook you for a giant wad of chewing gum.Mysteries in life no doubt,but even these must be cast aside so that we can get those few hours of precious rest.

So what do people turn to for insomnia related problems?

Booze?

Pills?

HELL NO!!!NOT US COOL DUDES!!!

I shall reveal THE solution to insomnia which will blow us all away and put all drug making companies out of business.

MY SISTER'S KEEPER

My obsession with this film began around 2 months back.Now that things are different and my school actually has beings of the opposite gender,I pick up new forms of news.They began with "OMGOMGOMGOMGOM JODI PICOUT MY SISTERS KEEPER MOVIE!!!",escalated to "ITS TOMORROW!!!" and finally a large wave of "So nice,so touching.Really very good movie.I cried so much" ensued.My curiosity was piqued.What was it which was so intriguing,so riveting which could affect the opposite sex so greatly?Perhaps if I were to find out,I would finally understand the workings of the female psyche,aiding me in my never ending quest to capture that oh-so-elusive girlfriend.

And so I did.

No,not capture a girlfriend.Watch the movie,and i must say,I am impressed.Nothing has been able to lower my heart rate to such levels before.Touching?No.Beautiful?No.But the dog was pretty cute.Awesome storyline?Naw.Got predictable after the first twist.And I didn't read the book.After the first hour,I left the video running and played computer games while listening to the movie audio track.

I STILL GOT THE ENTIRE STORYLINE!!!

THAT is how awesome this movie is.The interesting thing is that after that one hour,the entire plot perked up.The girl started turning into a zombie,only to have her sister confront her with a fire extinguisher.After the sister assaulted her with the fire extinguisher fuzz,A drastic turn of events happened!Aliens invaded and resurrected the sister's sister before blowing up the entire world,killing the sister,her sister and their entire family!And..And..And...

Alright,I was kidding.But i really did get the entire story just listening to the audio.The actors should have channeled their efforts into something which would be more visually appealing,such as....say...A zombie movie!Zombie movies never fail.

Nevertheless,anyone without the XX pair of chromosomes can kiss goodbye to sleepless nights.This movie,packs an absolute knockout.It will put you to sleep.Guaranteed.

Fucking diarrhoea

2009-11-20T15:25:00.002+08:00

Alright fervent fans!Today,I shall introduce a totally new concept which will blow your nose away and revitalise your inner being!Pissing from your behind!

Yes!That's right.Always dreamed of breaking away from the monotonous cycle that is daily life?Ever wanted to do something different for once to glimpse at the traces that make you human and not machine?Well,NOW YOU CAN!This all all you have to do!

Step 1:Obtain these Ingredients
1.$10 dollar oyster omellete
2.$5 hokkien mee
3.Rojak
4.Blackcurrant juice

Step 2:EAT IT ALL IN 15 minutes!!!

Unless you have a stomach made of iron,these steps will allow you to totally transform the way your body works!Allowing you to piss from your behind instead of the front!AWESOME HUH!?!?!

These steps were tried and tested by the great waffle himself.He has been pissing from his asshole for 3 days straight,and has slept so much that is bum hurts from lying down.

2012..13...14...15...

2009-11-17T17:41:00.002+08:00

Alright.As you all might have noticed,this is the first post in a really long time.And since i need time to get back into the swing of things,if at all,this post shall not have any pictures unless i feel like adding them in some time later on.

You might have watched the overly mediocre movie 2012.The plot was predictable and c'mon lets face it.After watching transformers,nothing can even come close on the visual candy scale.Apart from my current eye candy,eClair,of course.What's worse is that after watching this movie,you have loads of people believing that the world is gonna end in 2012.Why?Just because the bloody mayans said it.

HELLO!If the mayans were so great,why didn't they predict the invaders coming across the sea and bringing them pain and misery?!That's because they aren't great!They just didn't know how to count past 2012,or they ran out of space to write on the great calendar wall or whatever they write their calendar on.So if I were to go ahead and make some multi-million dollar movie with lots of explosions,throw in a few obscure references to ancient people playing around with their sticks,stones and leaves,and say that I am THE MAN for pretty girls to date,I would have loads of girlfriends?Well,that SHOULD be the case theoretically speaking right?!

"Heheheh WaFFLe,you probably can't afford to do that you loser!"Oh yeah?How about after I'm really really rich after clawing my way up the corporate ladder and stabbing loads of ambitious naive young people in the back?Maybe then I'll make the movie.

"Huhuhuh.WaFFLe,you're so silly.With millions of dollars you could have all the pretty young girlfriends you want!"Duh?I just wanted to prove my point that people are dumb enough to believe everything they see in a movie.

Nevertheless,I am a Singaporean.And Singaporeans always have a back-up plan on hand JUST IN CASE the world DOES end in 2012.

We(The CDR crew and affiliates) will have this huge underground bunker with watchtowers for us to snipe and lob explosives at the zombies. "HUH?WHAT ZOMBIES?" well,you don't really expect the world to end without zombies do you?Zombies are the essence of End of Worlds.

The bunker will be totally natural disaster proof and will be able to swim,cross land and fly to outer space at speeds not conceivable to the mainstream imagination of mainstream people.Notice that I used the singular form of imaginations even though people is plural and many people are expected to have many imaginations?well,that's because mainstreamers,yes you guessed it!They have only one mind.The mainstream mind.

Well,even though the bunker will ensure our survival,we won't be needing it.We will stockpile loads of psychedelic inducing chemical substances to give us the highest high chemicals can offer when shit starts going down.Then Peanut can use the safety of the bunker to lure loads of little girls into the bunker for his nefarious deeds while Kaya runs onto the street having fun with corpses.Me?I'll probably take twice the dosage everyone did and be in a corner of the bunker giggling away and drooling onto the floor.

Well that way I'll survive the apocalypse?HELL NO!Because being CDR,some bloody idiot is bound to forget to close the door.

activity

2009-09-24T15:09:00.001+08:00

Staying active!Staying active!Babababa!

Random

2009-08-13T23:24:00.001+08:00

The sight of JOOD brightens up my MOOD says:
- think about it.death is no barrier baby...the girl will be so touched thinking that i will love her even after we die
- when i was referring to necrophilia

NEW LOVE POEM

2009-07-31T22:47:00.000+08:00

I say this to you oh my dear Jood
Of my love for you,you know not the magnitude
In my routine of gyming and eating lots of food
Thinking of you comes as a brief interlude

Oh Jood you look so fine
Your smile sweeter than Aspartamine
You are always on my mind
More than the murders at Columbine (My PW topic what)

As you walk past me i pick up the smell
of slightly buttered caramel
As i look at your perfectly sculpted eyebrows
I feel like eating delicious beef kway teows

In whatever way blow the winds of fate
You from harm I will insulate
For you I will patiently wait
Always ready to capitulate
With all that I have written and said
I wish only that you reciprocate

It is my wish to cause a resolution
To soothe the angst of my infatuation
So would you...
Play with me playstation?

PE and other stuff

2009-07-28T21:06:00.003+08:00

i just realised something very intersting today... When a guy asks people how he should cut his hair, the responses from the girls are "botak". The responses from the guys are "mohawk". And truthfully i just want to keep it long. School has done a great job removing my own free will (and my hair)!!

Getting MCs for exemption from PE is fun too! You can observe those people running around the field and playing meaningless games without being directly involved in it. What fun! So exciting!

What's even more fun is the extra lectures! Wow!! Innovative! I'm starting to love school more and more!!! I now end school at 5 pm everyday! Now I got more time to spend in school! How thoughtful!!!

Yipppeee!! They have even arranged special seating arrangements for us! So much so that they force us to sit in that arrangement! What an enchanting and exciting experience!! This certainly unparallels the effort to combat H1N1 to other schools!! How nice!!!

Aww but my parents didn't get invited for the meet-the-parents session... because i passed everything =( I really envy those people who got the invite =DD

Blah Blah Blah you all know where this is going don't you...

STUFF

2009-07-26T13:33:00.000+08:00

Today,I will share why bodybuilding is more effective than being a fashionista.

Cost of 1 tub of protein powder:Approx 120(can last like 4 months)
Cost of a shirt from some mid level shop like Levi's:40
Cost of a shirt from the Giordano: 6

Because sexy bodies look good wearing ANY shirt,a buff dude just needs to buy a giordano shirt to look as good,or in my opinion,even better than some skinny fart or blubbering whale in an expensive shirt.After the fourth unit of a 40 dollar shirt,the variable cost for the bodybuilder decreases to the point that the fixed cost(protein powder) is equal to the total variable cost for 4 units of shirts for the fashionista.

Eventually,there will be a great convergence between the variable cost and fixed cost curves of the bodybuilder,while that of the fashionista will show a divergence as he "advances" in level to LV, prada and other stuff gay-ass un-manly guys or guys with too much money wear.

Great application of Economics,which I will probably get a "U" for.Fucked up subject...

2009-07-23T22:20:00.003+08:00

It's funny how much easier it is to decipher heavy metal lyrics than the chinese listening the smart people at SEAB had set. I'm screwed.

2009-07-21T21:46:00.002+08:00

After visiting numerous random blogs i've come to realise something extremely irritating. If playing dumb pop the moment you step into their blog isn't enough, those dumbasses had to embed the whole song in their web browser itself and there's no stop, pause, or self-destruct button anywhere! Or they'll just dump their embedded music player right at the bottom of the whole blog site and you'll have to scroll all the way down just to stop it. All this while i'd be trying to enjoy my metal. It's a wonder how my eardrums didn't split open, though if i stayed at that page for more than 10 seconds my brain would have imploded and turned into grape juice. Along with that will be the emotionally over charged blog posts which will make my eyes burn too. Lessons learnt: Visiting blogs other than coolduderesource is hazardous to health.

SICK

2009-07-21T13:14:00.002+08:00

Alright,today has got to be the best day of school this entire year.Perhaps because I didn't go to school.That's cos i hurt my ear after i fucking punched an alien in the face with my humongous pecs and the resulting sonicwave hit me at point blank range.

Today,I'd like to share what happens when an idiot meets with a genius who defines JC life as "fun".The idiot is undoubtedly,me,while the genius is professor wilnard Tan.Here's how our conversation went.

Me:Wah.Lan Jiau.Bloody hot man...Global warming sucks.Oh yar,professor,here are some of my solutions for global warming.Please comment on them.

Professor Tan:ok

Me:Blow lots of air into a giant float and send Singapore on the float to the north pole.

Professor Tan:*Stone*

Me:?

Professor Tan:But then got those continents in the way then how?And isn't Singapore attached to the seabed?

Me:No lar.Where got.Singapore can float one.And those continents hor,u got hear of rambo?He can like walau ~Rambo Rant~

Professor Tan:orh...

Me:Then then then,solution 2,we make a giant dome and air con the whole Singapore.

Professor Tan:But that creates more carbon emissions and doesn't exactly solve the problem at hand.

Me:But then more cooling what.

Professor Tan: ....

Me:Solution 3,we all make a lot a lot of ice cubes than throw on the road so will be more cooling.

Professor Tan:But that doesn't really solve the problem at...(realises he's talking to a moron)...The ice will melt wad.

Me:yar hor,then we all will drown.YOU DAMN SMART SIA PROFESSOR!

2009-07-08T21:29:00.004+08:00

"They've tried to decieve us
but our nonchalence belies us
That conformist Institution
There must be Retribution
They've lied to the Youth
But brothers see the truth
The Government's cruel game
All for their Financial Gain
Their greedy oppressive regime
Their militant hierarchist reign
Their evil shall be Slain!
All those many hard years
Of blood, sweat, and tears
Our cause is for the greater good
Just as our brethren would
To help our human race
Remove school from its place. ♪" -fuck school

seriously, school sucks.being in a boys school is twice as sucky. being in a boys school WITH a girl's name makes me even more pissed. waking up early, conforming to the petty rules, boring lessons, fucked up remedial sessions..

i got caught today for long hair and failure to attend ESP. i dont even get the fucking point of studying so hard now,cause when u grow up, you still have to slog 8 hours 5 days a week for a meagre pay.life is jus a continous cycle of suffering.

-growling frog/shawn

2009-06-29T20:10:00.002+08:00

this is how a manly blog which posts about his personal daily life is like.

i shitted.it was a good shit.hardly had to clean up afterword.bye.

HAPPY DAY

2009-06-28T22:07:00.004+08:00

After reading this blog,I have found it amazingly immature, childish, offensive,insensitive and degrading to many groups of people.As such,I will now post an example of how future blog posts will be like.No more will there be female-bashing or vulgarity-laden rants.Blog posts will be what blog posts are supposed to be like,details about my personal life and a small window into my delicate state of emotions.Let me begin by diving into every single minuscule detail of my life today.No detail,however infinitesimal,shall be spared.Above all,I shall keep the tone cheery and happy so that we can all feel great reading my happy blog posts! =)

Today was an excellent bubbly cheery morning with the sun shining high in the azure blue sky!The chirpy birds were happy as usual.I got up to say hello to my wonderful family members and settle down to a great meal with them,laughing happily as we discussed stories in our lives.Once breakfast was over,I took a bath and did my beautiful hair and put on my make-up in front of my mirror before leaving to spend time with my buddilicous friends who provide me with lots of emotional support and have always been there for me.They are super refined and do not use any coarse language.

We spent our time at the department store contributing to the country's economy by doing our nails and buying cosmetic products.As usual,the conversation with my friendulous pals were great!We told each other how much we appreciated each other's company and how much we love being together.We even took a few photos together.Not really cam-whore lar.=P

Then we went to watch a movie!It was so touching!The protagonist kissed the girl of his dreams in a meadow full of flowers as the sunlight gleamed across their faces and as their lips interlock in beautiful embrace....

Fuck it

I can't go on.2 emoticons,one depiction of a romantic scene and an overdose of happiness.The torture I put myself through just so that all of you non-existent readers know how to create a gay blog post.The essential ingredients are

1.Happyness and love.LOTS of it
2.Pure innocent content.(Or at least fake it)
3.Poser smiling pictures of you and your "friends"
4.Details about your life nobody cares about
5.Gay-ass emoticons to display your inability to convey emotions and undertones with words and simple punctuation

And there you have it!A gay-ass blog post of your own!

RAMBO VS CHUCK NORRIS 2

2009-06-16T20:27:00.009+08:00

Long scientific analysis incoming.Let's begin the battle of manliness between Rambo and Chuck Norris!!!

First off,weapons.As the great chinese philospher Cornlautzu once said,weapons make a man.After hours of complex mathematical derivation,I have come to the conclusion that manliness is directly proportional to the size of the weapon one regularly carries.It is evident who wins hands down here.Rambo,with his big ass mounted machine gun carried as though it weighs as much as a pistol,wins Chuck Norris' small puny ass sub machine guns.No contest.
Rambo:1
Chuck Norris:0

Next,further mathematical calculations and observations of the Earth's centripetal motion around saturn have shown that the size of Rambo's muscles in comparison to Saturn is as shown in the highly accurate scientific diagram below.Chuck Norris' muscles fail to even register on the diagram.How unfortunate for him.
Rambo:2
Chuck Norris:0

Alright,here is one aspect Chuck Norris would seemingly beat the pants of Rambo.Hair.Hair symbolises manliness in cultures across the world,and the density of hair present on a man's body is indicative of his worth to the tribe as an alpha-male.Chuck Norris is covered with so much hair he looks like a gorilla,and gorillas are manly!On the other hand,Rambo does not have a strand of hair on his gleaming muscular chest.However,one must take into consideration the fact that Rambo trudges through treacherous terrain with spikes and sharp objects protruding left right top bottom centre.He probably plucked out his own hair and threw them into the forest just so the trees would freak out from the presence of a substance so manly,causing them to uproot themselves and run.However,this is only a hypothesis.This round goes to Chuck Norris.

Rambo:2
Chuck Norris:1

Gritty dissection and study of movies both men have performed in revealed the obvious winner in this section.
Rambo movies involve huge explosions,imploding faces and enough blood to fill the Grand Canyon 10 times over and still have enough left to feed all the zombies and vampires in the Universe.
On the other hand,chuck Norris fights with homoerotic grappling techniques and fans seem to go crazy over his super flying kick,which is essentially just a super flying kick.No exploding heads,no super power colourful aura,no flaming legs,nothing.Rambo takes this round.

Rambo:3
Chuck Norris:1

Next would be the way both participants take out a helicopter.In the youtube video Chuck Norris versus helicopter,Chuck Norris takes out a helicopter with an RPG,causing fanboys to go crazy and jizz all over their keyboards.Rambo has taken out helicopters with an RPG,an Anti-Aircraft gun,the nozzle of A FUCKING TANK and not forgetting his FUCKING AWESOME EXPLOSIVE BOW AND ARROW!!!
Rambo:4
Chuck Norris:1

Next would be a youtube video titled Chuck Norris versus bear,drawing the usual reaction from his fanboys.In the video,Chuck Norris rescues a woman being threatened by a bear and grapples with the bear,eventually getting scratched across his chest.He then STARES DOWN then bear till it goes away.yeah.pretty manly.But this is what rambo would have done.

Rambo would have FUCKING WATCHED AS THE BEAR DEVOURED THE WOMAN BEFORE PROCEEDING TO FUCKING ROAST THE BEAR AND EAT IT WHOLE!!!inclusive of the woman in its tummy.That's because RAmbo is a cannibal,and cannibals are hardcore.
Rambo:5
Chuck Norris:1

Sorry chuck Norris,Rambo wins this manly competition hands-down.To date,noone has been able to even compare to Rambo's manliness!!!

RAMBO VS CHUCK NORRIS

2009-06-16T11:25:00.004+08:00

Ok,so here i was,ranting my ass off about how awesome rambo is and how he epitomises manlyness when some random guy conveniently pointed out that some person called Chuck Norris kicks more ass than rambo.So I'm like WTF MAN!?!?!How can anyone kick more ass than rambo!?!?Rambo kicks so much ass all the silicone in the world won't be able to reconstruct the asses he ravaged!

Nevertheless,I shall look up this "Chuck Norris" person and find out if he is truly worthy of comparison to Rambo.Coming in my next post,a battle of manlyness,Rambo versus Chuck Norris.

2009-06-14T22:58:00.003+08:00

We all know cool dudes are never punctual; they are almost always fashionably late. Therefore, it's imperative to give fashionable excuses whenever they are late. And cool dudes as we know it are the pinnacles of fashion, and everything fashionable. Therefore at CDR, as extremely cool dudes we have come up with extremely cool dude excuses for whatever the (late) occassion.

Late because of public transport:

1. Mister T had a stomach ache and had to go to the toilet.

2. I was taking the bus when suddenly the fire alarm sounded! Apparently there was a fire drill...

3. The bus i was travelling on started capsizing and we had to abandon ship...

Late because you woke up late/stuff u do before u leave the house:

1. I turned the heat too low, therefore i "wok" up late. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

2. I didn't have enough Thousand Island sauce, so i had trouble dressing.

3. I confused brush with bush....

4. I had breakslow this morning instead.

Late because u messed up the timings:

1. When you told me meet at 1500, i checked my clock but couldn't find 15.

2. When you said we were meeting at sunday, on that day itself i initially planned to go but it was raining so i had to wait for it to become sunny....

3. The clock ran backwards and i wasn't aware of it.

Ok i think that should cover most of the excuses that cool dudes should need! Oh wait there's still the...

I was walking on the road when i suddenly bumped into someone. He fell down and started bleeding profusely! I helped him to the hospital but at i realised that he wasn't bleeding, it was ketchup sauce...

Ok that's all!!

Signing off,
Peanut

2009-06-12T21:52:00.002+08:00

the "priority seat" at the mrt should be expanded to include "pregant ladies,elderly,disabled,AND drunkards." couldnt even fucking find my balance in the mrt. and as much as i would like to elaborate on my drunken experiences, i hav too much of a hangover at the moment. all i can say is that my drunken experiences was similar to that of tianic.

shawn(high mode):IM FLYING!! JUN RONG!!IM FLYING!!"
and then jun rong spoilt the moment by saying: "ur just drunk.shut up and sit down."

well, it turned out something like that. and the reason why waffles was so grumpy was because he skipped over the 'high' period and went straight on to the vomitting part. well, not all people are as strong in alchoholic tolerance as me.

on a side note, im creating a ayumuni nishizawa hamster>=D X hayate and Hinata X naruto fan fiction. really like this two super uber cute girls.espiacelly nishizawa, she's so adorable and funny, but everyone prefers hinagiku over her. and her undying commitment jus bowls me over. which brings me to another point. my bowling scored 33 points ytd. and i wasnt drunk yet,then.

2009-06-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

RAMBOOOOOOHHH!!!

2009-06-06T21:40:00.009+08:00

While I would have loved to have launched a verbal assault on the random guy who sauntered in and started doubting our undeniable coolness, I fear that the volume of sarcasm dripping out of my computer from such an act would cause the silicon chips and what-nots to short circuit.So,i have decided to do another rambling blog post (probably my third) about RAMBO!!!

I shall now glorify everything that Rambo does in Rambo 3 which simply goes beyond the realm of manly into the unfathomable depths of KICKASS HARDCORE BADASS AWESOME MANLY!!!

I shall now type the rest of my blog post in CAPITAL LETTERS as an outlet for the sheer volume of adrenaline coursing through my veins after having watched one and a half hours of...stuff which simply escapes the ability the English Language has in describing its awesomeness. Perhaps i should use Chinese instead!Kidding...me cheena very feng he ri li.like zou jie lun.

OK TO START WITH,RAMBO GOT HIT WITH SHRAPNEL.SO WHAT DID HE DO!?!?HE BROKE OFF THE TOP BIT AND FORCED THE BOTTOM BIT OUT BY PUSHING IT OUT OF HIS FLESH!!!and here i was complaining about my microscopic lobe piercing...this guy has a hole THROUGH HIS FRIGGIN..ERM...stomach area?Diagram included to better describe postion of shrapnel insertion.

AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!WHAT DID HE DO NEXT!??!HE POURED GUNPOWDER INTO THE FRIGGIN WOUND AND FUCKING SET IT ALIGHT!!!SO THERE'S LIKE FIGGIN FIRE COMING OUT OF THE WOUND!!!IM LIKE HOLY SHIT!!!THAT GUY IS HARDCORE!!!
NEXT,HE WAS LIKE YOU KNOW?LIKE...YOU KNOW?LIKE!!!*GASP GASP GASP*FIGHTING WITH THIS GUY,AND THEN HE TIES A FUCKING CHORD ROUND THE GUY'S NECK AND LIKE PLUCKS OUT THE PIN FROM THE GRENADE STRAPPED TO THE GUY'S CHEST AND SHOVES HIM DOWN A HOLE!!!SO LIKE!!!THE GUY GETS HANGED AND U KNOW WHAT!?!!
HE HAD THE SHIT BLOWN OUT OF HIM!!!HOW HARDCORE IS THAT!?!?!BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
OKAY,AND NEXT YOU KNOW LIKE THIS BIG HELICOPTER COMES FLYING SHOOTING MISSILES AND BULLETS AT RAMBO,AND WHAT DOES RAMBO DO!?!?!?!
HE USES A BOW AND ARROW!!!A FUCKING SET OF A BOW AND AN ARROW!!!AND BLOWS UP THE ENTIRE HELICOPTER!!!IT WAS LIKE...BOOOOOOOOMMMMMM~~!!!
AND NEXT,THS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST AWESOME PART OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE.THIS FRIGGIN HUGE HELICOPTER COMES AFTER RAMBO DROPPING BOMBS AND FIRING LIKE 10 GAZILLION BULLETS A SECOND AT RAMBO,AND WHAT DOES RAMBO DO!?!?!
HE FUCKING RAMS A TANK!!!A STINKING TANK!!!!STRAIGHT INTO THE HELICOPTER!!!HE RAMS A TANK INTO THE HELICOPTER!!!A TANK!!!AND HE DOES IT WHILE HE'S STILL INSIDE THE TANK!!!STILL INSIDE THE TANK!!!AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?!?!?BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM~~~~!!!!

Gasp.gasp.gasp.Ok,I'm out of breath from all that virtual ranting.All those facebook bad-ass quizzes really get into your brain.If the SAF showed all the rambo movies to every single recruit entering NS, I don't think the army would have any slackers.But then again,I don't think a bunch of guys carrying huge guns spraying bullets all over the place can be considered much of an army....

COOL SHITS

2009-05-31T23:16:00.004+08:00

Cool thought-inducing images to ponder over.

2009-05-31T21:35:00.003+08:00

okay. u noe about the classic "why did mr chicken cross the road joke?" well, here's the answers from several well known people.

BY MORPHEUS:Neo, there is no chicken.

BY PAMELA ANDERSON: what was the chicken doing on land in the first place, i tot they lived underwater?

BY LAO TSE:there is no road.

BY COLENAL SANDERS: what?i missed one?

BY HOMER SIMPSON: cause there was beer on the other side.

think of some and tell us, we'll write them down/

2009-05-28T22:08:00.003+08:00

SOCCER NATIONAL TOURNAMENT 2009!!!

So what's a cool dude without soccer? It's like a guy with a brain. Anyway on 25th of May, the soccer finals tournament was held at Jalan Besar, MJC vs VJC. And if it weren't for the fact that we were forced to go down to support the soccer-ing idiots... I would have been at home sleeping. Which i still feel is a more conducive use of time than watching 22 people kicking a ball around an absurdly large field...

Anyway as retarded as the whole affair seemed, the time spent there wasn't all to waste... Even among a totally uncool environment, i'm proud to say that i still managed to achieve some cool things....

1) Simultaneously burst 3 of those sausage shaped rubber thingies which were used as noise pollution weapons.

Not to mention that the act of doing so resulted in even more noise pollution...

2) Headbanged to heavy metal while the school anthem was being played

3) Being a total asshole and going over to the other side to look for my friends

4) Told my cousin's friend that I was her fiance.

5) Stepped on a dead rat while on the way to the MRT station.

6) Giving random girls random names.

Yes yes cool as it may seem there could have been some improvements that i'd like to point out that'd make the boring soccer match more awesome...

1) Use a soccer ball cannon capable of destroying the whole stadium

2) Burn the field, or at least melt it

3) Simultaneously burst 4 of those crappy sausage shaped noise creating devices

4) Bring earplugs or gags to shut the student councillors up

5) Burn the rat which i stepped on

6) Parkour down the sidestands of the stadium

So soccer has the potential to be fun and exciting!! If you replace the soccer players with clowns and give them bananas to kick around and not to forget the soccer cannons....

To end it off i'd like to give special commendation to Singapore's efforts in curbing underage smoking by a little something i drew...

Signing off,

Peanut

OUTING

2009-05-23T11:10:00.003+08:00

Waffle here.Today I shall document a few cool events that happened during a cool dude get together.When cool dudes get together,cool events happen.

Incident 1:The ear piercing experience

Shawn:Peer pressure peer pressure peer pressure

Me:Yeah ok.

Shawn:Not pain one.Not pain one.

Me:Mumbles...

2 girls behind us:Giggle...

*I sit down*

Piercing guy: 1-2...1-2...1-2..*click*
Me:OMG!!!ARGH!!!FUCK!!!SHIT!!!FUCK!!!

It felt NOTHING like a needle!More like getting shot in the ear by one of those air rifle shit guns.

2 girls:HAHAHAHAHAA (Seriously snide laughter)

Ok.As if that wasn't bad enough.here's wad happened next.

Girl 1:Chingchongchangcheeng
Girl 2:Chop suey

Yeah.They're speaking in Chinese.Girl one is kinda like trying to get girl 2 to pierce her ear somewhere or another.I don't take chinese ear anatomy so I have no idea what part they were talking about.

Girl 2 sits down

Me:Heh!Mutual entertainment.

Me and shawn stand there and stare.

*click*

The click sounded so loud in the silence...

Shawn plus girl 1 : HAHAHAHAAA!!!
Me: Whatever man! I have low pain tolerance ok!?!?

*Walks out of shop, ear burning*(not from embarrassment,from after effect of piercing)

Incident 2:Aku Pergi Tandas

Joel:Hey,could my friends get visitor's passes?

MJC Guard:I'll need your ICs

*Shawn and I fumble for our ICs*

MJC Guard:Purpose of visit?

Joel:Toilet

MJC Guard: .....

And I shall end off by a cool dude joke by peanut!

What's a canal without the sea?

ANAL!

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!!GET IT!?!?!?SEA...C...???!?!?AHHAHAHHAHHAA!!!

2009-05-17T18:06:00.000+08:00

Alright.. I had this dream that I was walking. And I looked on my ipod screen and saw the new Wintersun album there all of a sudden. Im like wow wtf... It exists? Then I just went home. (I didn't want to listen to the album just yet I guess??!) When I got home.. and I turned on the tv, and I saw Jari on TV. Then... I saw on CNN [News] That Wintersun's new album grossed in about 2 trillion dollars. Im like WTF. Then I saw across the street. people building a church with the Wintersun symbol up top. Im like oh fuck, theres a Wintersun religion now! So I ended up going outside. And I turned on the first song.. I don't remember what that first song was on the list.. but It was beyond amazing.. I dont remmber what it sounded like, but I just remember it being fuckin' awesome. So then... I started walking and I saw Jari infront of me. And he's like "Epic huh?, It makes all that time worth it at the end" Then I woke up. I guess it's a symbolic way of telling me that the wait will be 100% worth it. Just putting that out there -epic

2009-05-13T19:24:00.003+08:00

I read today's newspaper, in which the governement is trying to make "beautifully imprefect" as a theme for dating.

me and my girlfriend are also beautifully imperfect. im beautiful, and she's imperfect. fuck girls. me and shaven catfish can write and state explicitly why girls should not join the workforce, but that is for another post.

anyways, during chem lesson, i made up some jokes.

what is the product formed when cars are burnt?
CARBON!! HAHAHAHA!! get it? car-burn.

why does sasuke like to share things?
cos he got SHARE-ringan!! HAHAHAHA!!

how does JI orginaisation brainwash mas selamet to be a terrorist?
they used a 'braun' washing machine. HAHAHA!!

lots more, but well, better not steal the limelight from peanut. although the fucking light belongs to the lime in the first place. HAHAHA!! and get rdy to read the compo i wrote for exams. fucking epic. wrote about homosexuality, fetish for ronald macdonald, gore, and broke the fourth wall.

ciao (chee bai),
growling frog.

2009-05-10T15:27:00.002+08:00

It's 3pm on a Sunday afternoon that I decided to get my lazy ass on the com to.... BLOG!! Yes yes I know... I'm so commited... Anyway I have compiled one of the coolest and hippiest jokes into one post. Lo behold!

Two peanuts were walking on the street, one was assaulted.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

"Do you know if there's a warehouse at aljunied?"
"Can ar?!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it was the wrong road.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

What do you call a pond? Pond
What do you call a bigger pond? PONDER

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

How did the old man win the olympics 100 m sprint? He used a hurricane

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

True or false? TRUFFLES!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

What looks like a grape and weighs a tonne? A one tonne grape

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Out of breath? GET SOME HEIGHT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One day a fly landed on a man. The man died. Why?
Cos it was a HOUSEFLY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mr Cabbage felt very hot one day. So he started taking of his clothes. Off came the sweater, then the shirt, then the pants, then.... HE DISAPPEARED!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

That should be enough to impress all of your imaginary cool friends...

MY LOVE LETTER

2009-05-07T20:50:00.005+08:00

A masterpiece of epic proportions.The perfect communion between love and sheer literary prowess.A harmonic waltz of the elements of the English language as they contort themselves to express my emotion.I shall now unveil the greatest love letter of all time.A masterpiece by the great Waffle to his current target.Who has not even read the letter due to his 爱情 making her fall ill.He shall completely eliminate the chances that the effects were so disastrous his informer refused to tell him of any results out of fear that his delicate sensitive emotions will be hurt.

UPDATE:My letter was described as being a "disgusting love letter".Sigh...Some people truly have no taste...Seriously,don't girls get bored of conventional mushy love letters?Those things make me want to eat myself so that i don't have to endure the agony of the words going through my brain and causing an epic mindscrew

BLEH?

2009-04-26T17:57:00.002+08:00

Waffle is so friggin hardcore manly that he paid 1 dollar more on purpose at the hairstylist's just so he could pay the MEN'S rate instead of the STUDENT'S rate.

okay,time for a cool dude joke.

Singapore have bengali劳,thailand劳,myannmar劳,china劳 etc etc.

Which one make the most money?

卖蛋劳!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!

MOVIE REVIEW

2009-04-22T18:11:00.005+08:00

Yeah, so I was sitting around one night...reading the newspapers (I don't have a TV set that works) with my...dog(I don't have any friends) eating some...fruits (since there's nothing else in the fridge).When I thought of a great thing to do!BLOG!

So you think your post was long Kaya? it's time for me, the great waffle, to present another movie review to the masses. And the movie we have at hand to decimate, critic and make an absolute mockery of is... 17 again, starring none other than teenage heartthrob (His face gives me cardiovascular palpitations) Zac Afro!

Well, so this is how the linear non existent plot goes in between all the mindless sex. There's this fat dude with a beer belly who wakes up and finds that he is 17 again! HOLY CRAP! As if the title and trashy trailers didn't give it away already. The scary part would be that he is transported back into the 80s, where colourful reflective pants and outrageous hairstyles are all the rage. So what does our hero Zac Afro do? Well, apparently he lives with this really geeky dickasaurus and he's gay. Thing is, he's a circumstantial faggot, which means, he's gay only because he can't find a girl.

So once he realises that he's 17, in the 80s, and without a beer belly, he dumps the dickasaurus and starts things all over again, getting high on cheap booze, dancing at clubs where epileptic spasms are the closest thing one can get to breakdancing, and pretty much screwing every girl he sees, which is what contributes to the movie's R21 rating.

This movie fails in so many ways the sheer numerical values of phails would cause crocodiles to swallow themselves and cockles to bleed jelly. First up, we have the cast. Zac Afro fails. Period. wait. That was only one reason, but since Zac Afro fails so badly, it counts as a thousand gazillion. I mean, who could be more inappropriately cast to portray a person who is the epitome of manlyness. After all, that's what watching movies is all about, manlyness!

So who do I propose take his place? John Rambo! DUH!?

Rambo is the embodiment of manlyness. Forget being 17 years old again. We could star rambo being 17 MONTHS old again! Rambo is so hardcore he would still be awesome even if he's a stinking baby! Going around firing guns that weigh 100 times his weight, blowing up viet cong vehicles and ripping open the guts of viet soldiers before hiding inside their disembowelled bodies and controlling them like aliens. Better still, the directors could replace the vietnamese soldiers (they deserve a break) with ZOMBIES!!! ZOMBIES AND RAMBO IN A SAME MOVIE!?!? I fail to conceive how epic that would be.

Notice something? I coloured Rambo yellow. That's because rambo is so awesome he has got to be Chinese. Oh, and check out the new playlist, although i cant agree with the choice of some songs...

how to make jokes.

2009-04-20T19:56:00.002+08:00

forgive waffles and his waffling about in previous post, he doesnt understand the gravity of me losing my gf.

ahem. the fucking facebook quiz said i'm fucking pathetic in understanding girls lah! which is totall bullshit!! girls like fucking money and sense of humor. thats all to it. here's an excerpt to the dumbfuck inaccurate bullshit quiz:

Shawn completed the quiz "How Well do you know Women??" with the result Pathetic! (0%).
WHAT!! You don't know women at all!!!!!! It's not good to be that bad at judging a woman dude! You better pull up your socks and try to find out what they're all about!! If not, you're in for a Sad, Lonesome life!! (Unless you're Gay!!).

i shall now prove this quiz wrong by illustrating how imbal my humor is and how females find me sweet.

scenario 1: random girl "FUCK YOU STOP IT WITH THE LAME JOKES BEFORE I REALLY PUNCH YOU!"

me(stupid grin on face) "punch me? wow, i see u finally got the PUNCHline of the joke.HAHAHAHA!!"

*BAMM!!*

some girls hav no sense of humor.

scenario 2: random girl "what do u do when ur angry with some1?"

me(fierce look) "i will knife that person"

random girl (impressed look)"oh my 神。太凶了！！你真有男人味喔。就像周姐龙一样哦."
me(stupid grin again) "yah. cause i will DAO him wad. get it?DAO... HAHAHAHA!!!

*BAMM!!*

so you see, its good for girls to hit you. i read in the website that if girls constantly hit you, it means she secretly likes/adores you, jus that too shy to say. cause if she hit you, means she hitting on you WAD!! HAHAHAHAHA!!

so, making a joke is really easy. jus think of puns and make connections with ur brain.

thats the end of today's post. super romantic shawn, the love guru signing out.(haha, Hayate No gotoku book 15. ayumu nishizawa, the recently deceased also "love guru". haixx.she so full of crap lah. rly miss her.)

p.s catfish and duck are gonna kill me for using so much space. well fuck them. water animals.

Dedicated to Kaya's very dear girlfriend

2009-04-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

This better half of the post is dedicated to Kaya's deceased girlfriend(s), Ayumu 1 and Ayumu 2. I have too many waves of emotions to be put into words and I don't know where to start... Actually I don't have anything useful to say at all. Apart from HARDCORE MANLY ULTIMATE YEAHH!!!!! Ok moving on...

Oh yeah! My new mission for JC has been totally prioritized to being a super shinji ikari h game protagonist! My original plan for being a h game protagonist ended up in failure... So was my other plan to get a girlfriend without getting one. Oh yeah that'd be so hardcore. I'd like to pause here to explain my genius. Getting a girlfriend in JC is pretty useless, thanks to our wonderful education system we have going on in Singapore. Instead of making time to spend time with your gf or whatever, u can actually save time and still reap the benefits of getting a gf in jc! Cos it's unlikely u'd be doing anything much but talking about mushy mushy stuff stuff to your gf in class, after school, and over msn, of which i rather spend my time playing h games and surfing doujins than do any of those nonsense. So i came up with this brilliant plan. Make people believe that I have a gf! But in reality i do not. Man that'd be sooooo sweet... Get all those thumbs up from the matts and frequent "HARLER!!!", friendly shoves from them and.. and....

SCREW THAT MAN!!! IM FRIGGIN SHINJI IKARI NOW!!! I DONT HAVE NO FRIENDS AND IM A FRIGGIN PUSSY. I came to the shocking realisation that getting a gf without getting one doesnt reap any benefits at all. Therefore i went back to....

SHINJI IKARI H GAME PROTAGONIST!! I finally found out the reason why a 4d h game protagonist just doesnt cut it... Cos it's 4d damn it!!! So i'd turn myself into a 4d protagonist with a 2d-ish illusion, hence increasing the chances of me getting laid. Oh oh even better! A SUPER SHINJI IKARI H GAME PROTAGONIST!! That's be so awesome!! You can turn people into jello... ( I still dont get the ending to evangelion....)'

Oh well.. Waffle is still at the starting line.... and Kaya is still trying to find the starting line... I took a super detour and ended up crashing down the mountain and burning alive...

Ok whatever.... This post really sucks....

ABC123

2009-04-11T12:14:00.002+08:00

Smirnoff triple distilled is so pure it doesn't cause hangovers. Or maybe I just developed resistance...

After a really fun night,the cool dude management (or just me,actually) have come to a few conclusions about life.

1.American movies are nonsense.The crap they portray results in us never having a single female join our drinking parties,even if Peanut's girlfriend of sorts happens to live so near me.Why?Girls seem to be under the impression that getting drunk with guys will invariably result in them getting raped.Seriously.Rape?!?!?!That's probably the most mundane thing to do when you're high!Stupid Americans...

2.LAN when high is stupid.stupid stupid stupid!Waste high time..I just fell asleep at the computer.Stupid kaya...

3.Muthabak produces black puke and coleslaw produces white puke.

4.Bring ear plugs during sleepovers which involve guys and alcohol.Once the high is over,the bitching about personal relationships etc. etc. begins.Utterly unbearable when all you want to do is collapse and KO.

5.NEVER allow your sly sleepover guests to trick you into sleeping on the floor while they take your bed.

6.Do NOT carry your handphone around with you when you are high.You never know what type of bullshit messages you start to send.Encode all your contacts or do not save your contacts' names.You never know what YOUR FRIENDS will send out to unknowing contacts.

GENIUS

2009-04-04T23:08:00.005+08:00

I just thought of the coolest delicacy ever during tuition class.It has the squishiness and sickly sweetness of a donut, the same golden brown shiny skin,the same shiny glazed outer surface,and if that isn't enough.It's double the satisfaction of a donut,and i have yet to come to the mystery ingredient.It's blue,it's flat and it's MYSTERIOUS....

Oh wait wait..Time for a cool dude joke.One day Mr Lee suddenly got killed.But the case was never solved and the murderer was never brought to justice.

Why?

Because it was a MISTERLEE wad!!!Get it!?!?MISTERLEE,MYSTERY!!!AHAHAHAHA!!!

Alright Alright,without further ado,i shall present the greatest invention of the century...

THE DONUT BURGER!!!A blue patty made up of an unknown sludge derived with the help of nanotechnology and advanced philosophy wedged between 2 donuts.Ahhh...The smell of genius...

HARDCORE MANLY KENPACHI RANT wad everyone agrees on

2009-03-29T17:39:00.001+08:00

Kenpachi rants are now weekly, probably because ranting about Kenpachi is the manliest thing you could do besides asskicking, loafing, and being Kenpachi. They're also Saturday nights because I'm an insomniac.You ever notice how Kenpachi is pretty much five things put together? Badass, Kickass, Manly, Hardcore, and Quantum-centric. Which means he's the central part of all things badass and awesome. Oh, he's also awesome. That's six, and if you add 2 more sixes (Because Kenpachi is actually x111 of all these things.) that makes 666, the most awesome number ever. The only reason Grimmjow's Number 6 in the Espada rankings is because 6 happens to be his favorite number. Just like Kenpachi. Man, Kenpachi is awesome. You can relate anything to him. Like orphans. Kenpachi eats orphans on a daily basis. And lumberjacks. Kenpachi is a lumberjack.Oh yeah, Kenpachi's six qualities are actually represented by what he is. Lumberjack, ghost, pirate, ghost pirate, lumberjack pirate, and ghost lumberjack. Man a ghost lumberjack would be so ****ing sweet. Probably the reason why Kenpachi is so goddamn hardcore. Oh yeah, Kenpachi is also a man because he's manly and we all know that if Kenpachi was a woman (The mere thought of it makes the world cave in itself from the sheer failure) my rants would be about beef jerky. So wait, that's actually 7. And 7 times 666 is 4662, the number of zombies Kenpachi has slain, and if you subtract 3,325 (The number of times Kenpachi has punched a jive sucka in the face) then you get 1337 because Kenpachi rules.You see? Everything and anything relates to Kenpachi, becaus e he's pretty much the reason why we exist. I bet if Kenpachi didn't exist, we'd all be women and there'd be zero badassery in the world. Unless Halibel existed, and we all know only a man could come up with Halibel. Halibel is totally the best female Bleach character after Rukia, and she hasn't done anything besides saying like 5 words. Afterall, you'd have to be pretty badass to be a woman and an Espada at the same time. I bet Halibel's hollow hole is actually on her uterus, or lack of uterus, which explains why Halibel can achieve such levels of kickassery despite being a woman. Because if she had a uterus we'd know Grimmjow would've uppercutted her ages ago. Hell, Noitora kicked Nell's ass and she's a woman. That's because the Espada is filled with ****ing badasses.What was I talking about? Oh yeah, ghost lumberjacks. ****ing sweet. I bet they go around cutting down trees and slicing people in half for no real reason. Almost as manly as a guy riding a shark barechested spearing random people in the face.More Kenpachi after these commercials.

-from the kenpachi maniac society.

ANOTHER COOL DUDE OUTING

2009-03-28T21:45:00.007+08:00

Cool dudes Waffle,Kaya and Muffin decided to try parkouring.You know that jumping over walls,flying across buildings and jumping down stairways trying to be spiderman?Yeah that.Here are some drills we did.

Rolling after jumping down from random staircases at the playground

Handstands(or something which resembled handstands)
Super duper fast sound-barrier breaking sprinting

And what we looked like to other people.3 little piggies rolling around in the mud.YAY!

COOL MANLY SHIT

2009-03-24T20:28:00.002+08:00

Real cool shit man

THE CINEMA SUCKS

2009-03-20T16:44:00.003+08:00

Do you know about the mice experiment? The one where one passes a voltage over the cheese and if the mice touches it it'll get shocked. Each time the mice touches it, it quickly withdraws, but after all it soon forgets why it isn't eating the cheese and tries again. Apparently, the mice is about as smart as me.

After giving bright sunshiny reviews of the cinema such as"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT!" and "THAT TOTALLY FRIGGIN WASTED MY MONEY!", it is rather strange that I had actually agreed on a class outing to Matt Land and participitate in everybody's favourite pass-the-time in a friendly warm and happy get-together-esque setting at the cinema, and once again, the film has been nothing short of spectacular, from the bottom. And I'm totally confident in saying that it has NOT been a total waste of my time, money and face without the slightest hint of sarcasm... In addition to that I sought no comfort whatsoever among my classmates because I'm too manly and decided to whine about it on the blog instead...

Let me start with the name of the movie. Push.

If you were thinking ".... What? That's not even a name!! What's the meaning of this? I'm paying 7 freaking 50 for a show which has a crappy name such as that? That's not hardcore!!" Most likely you can imagine what torture I had to go through... At this point you must be also thinking...

If you think the movie is about 100 mins of pushing somebody with hardstyle techno as the bg, sadly it isn't that cool. Ok spoiler time since I know you non-existant readers won't watch it anyway...

Stupid psychokinesis dude meets stupid psychic girl. Another stupid psychic women joins the gang. Stupid psychic china gang wants to get some suitcase. The merry gang of 3 also wants to get the suitcase. The psychic division also wants to get the suitcase. They make a big hoo ha about some bullshit. Merry gang of 3 wins. The end.

If that didnt sound stupid enough, I really don't know what is...

BUT if the story went something like....

Stupid psychokinesis dude meets super hardcore manly Alma, then Alma obliges to help psychokinesis dude in finding the suitcase! However!! Super hardcore manly Alma actually sought world domination! After helping stupid psychokinesis dude, she releases the UltraManly M virus in the suitcase and turn the whole world population into MANLY! Then darkness decends upon Earth and a certain unnamed country will reign supreme....

Wow now that's a movie I'd definately watch.

Sadly Hollywood is H for whore and they only cater to pussy people who can't handle manliness.

Conclusion? Cinema sucks. Big time.

Solution? Spend the munney on booze instead (BUT NOT VODKA!!)

ULTRA MEGA SUPER DUPER FUN TECHNIQUE

2009-03-20T09:48:00.002+08:00

What cool dude WaFFLe did yesterday.We should all follow his kick-ass example.

Drank approx 150ml of 80 proof vodka neat.With coke light to wash it down.Totally tasted like hand sanitizer...

No big deal right?

Yeah.The great WaFFLe then proceeded to ice skate in his inebriated floaty happy sunshiney zoo wee mama state. The results were needless to say,awesome.

What he did do:
-Growled at everybody passing by
-Cut into a bunch of people taking a photo
-Raised his middle finger to some zhabo who objected his divine intervention in her photo
-Shouted FUCK YOU TOO to that zhabo
-Headbanged(Duh?)
-Laughed uncontrollably(Duh?)
-Shouted HIIIEEE!!! to lime green but she totally did not turn around and fungus did not pay him 2 dollars
-Wiped out till his jeans were totally DRENCHED with melted ice.Aka.Water.Phrased as melted ice for those whose primitive brains fail to see the link between ice skateing and getting your pants wet.

What he did not do (although it would have been excellent if he did the following)
-Puke
-Approach a little girl he found SUPER CUTE!!!Totally felt like hugging her...

Few regrets.Maximum fun.Lets follow the example of our great leader.Man...I love writing in third person mode...

2009-03-14T08:54:00.002+08:00

http://www.blogthings.com/whatgenderisyourbrainquiz/
Too tempting for me to simply assure myself that my manlynes is totally EXTREME HARDCORE!!!YEAHHH!!!!

Screw the results.Stupid test.It fails.My brain is supposedly 33% female!WHAT BULLCRAP IS THAT!?!?!ITS NOT HARDCORE!!!Where did the 33% even come from you morons!!!Well,if the questions went something like this the results would probably be different.

1.Looking EXTREME HARDCORE is important to you
-True
-False

2.You are better at
-Being EXTREME MANLY HARDCORE
-just being a pussy

3.Do you tend to remember who you last EXTREME HARDCORE MANLY?
-Yes
-No

4.If you have a problem, you tend to
-RAZE THE WORLD TO THE GROUND!!!YEAH!!!!
-Sit there like a pussy

5.In an argument or heated discussion, you find it most important to
-KILL!!!RAPE!!!PLUNDER!!!BURN!!!!GRRROOOOOAAARRRR!!!!
-Sit there like a pussy trying to resolve the issue

6.Would you ever try an exciting new drug if it were illegal?
-IS IT HARDCORE!!!!???
-No.Drugs are NOT HARDCORE!!!UNLESS ITS HARDCORE!!!

7.If someone you know is acting strange
-GET HIM TO JOIN THE HARDCORE UPRISING!!!YEAH!!!
-Sit like a pussy and ask him/her what's wrong.

8.You tend to notice when someone has poor HARDCORE MANLY SKILLS
-SCREW THEM!!!THEY AREN'T HARDCORE ENOUGH TO DEMAND MY ATTENTION
-Nyeh???

9.If a friend who's gained weight asks you if she's gotten fat, you
-HARDCORE PEOPLE DON'T HAVE FAT FRIENDS WHO AREN'T HARDCORE!!!
-Give a pussy emotionally safe reply

10.When talking with your friends, you're more likely to discuss
-HARDCORE BURN!!!MANLY!!!ROAR!!!!
-Other pussy stuff.

This quiz is boring...And i think we all can see what direction I'm going in...

2009-03-04T23:25:00.003+08:00

As we all know, student council members play an integral role in bonding the students together, and also to keep JC life as interesting as possible, so that cool dudes like me and Waffle don't need to suffer so much. That's why we at coolduderesource found it as a duty of utmost importance and value to bring you who we think is the most suitable for the job. As his managing committee, we have been tasked to promote his good name, and have full faith that he'll make JC life for everyone, an enjoyable one.

The adventures of Mr Cabbage

2009-02-28T13:32:00.001+08:00

HELLO KIDS!! If you're bored of idiotic birthday parties, which are too pussy for you.... Well we've got a great alternative!! THE CAKE, oops i mean CABBAGE!!

Ah what fun!! Cabbages can also be used for great presents. It only costs 1.26, and it 's big ^^.

HAPPY MANLY 5th BIRTHDAY PEANUT!!!

2009-02-27T22:47:00.012+08:00

YIPPEEE!!!!Peanut turns 5 next week!So we held a really happy joyous sunshiney birthday party for him today!Complete with a birthday cabbage and a really big candle!Unfortunately,camwhoring does not come naturally to us.We attribute this to the high amount of compensation we have had to pay out to camera owners after our super powerful ultimate shuai-ness failed to be contained within a few measely pixels,devastating their pathetic cameras.As a result,we cannot display all the cool things we did today.But I shall list them out so that others can celebrate their birthdays in an manner that might be more MANLY!!!YEAHH!!!

-Buy a birthday cabbage for the birthday boy/girl (a withered cabbage will do for a girl)

-=) What to do next is a surprise that will be covered in our next release,the adventures of mister cabbage.

-Cremate a cockroach. (Preferabbly live.But we did it to a dead cockroach)

-Enjoy a seafood treat

-Create a birthday candle with oyster shells and set it alight,singing a birthday song at maximum volume in a crowded hawker centre wearing your school PE shirt.

-Oyster onion ice shake for the birthday boy!

-Play drive-bys and gangfights on roller blades and bikes.

-Wipeout a lot.

-Get up and start blasting school cheers while campers are trying to sleep in their tents.

Here are some pictures of our birthday cabbage ceremony.

Having experienced natural high,I shall now do a detailed analysis of the differences between natural,and alcoholic high.

Natural High
-U feel like doing stupid stuff and you look sane doing it

BOOZE!!!
-You just do stupid stuff and look really dumb.

Natural High
-You feel the warm fuzzy feeling of friendship.Awww....

BOOZE!!!
-What feelings?I don't feel anything.Ugh...get outta my way wall...Ugh...Gimme something to
hug...

Natural High
-You can walk and talk coherently

BOOZE!!!
-WHEEE!!!HEHEHEHEHEH!!!Stagger Stagger Fall

Natural High
-Wipeouts don't really hurt cause friendship cures the pain...

BOOZE!!!
-Roll Roll Roll...Did I just fall down a flight of stairs?THAT WAS FUN!LETS DO IT AGAIN!!!Why's my arm twisted like that...

Natural High
-You leave reluctantly,not wanting the night with your loved ones to end.

BOOZE!!!
-Screw off guys..i wanna go home and hit the sack...

Natural High
-You wake up the next morning appreciating life even more and wanting to meet your loved ones again.

BOOZE!!!
-My head...Feel like puking..Blehh..Blehh...Ugh...I'm never touching booze again. (The day after)
HEY!LETS GO FOR A DRINK!

And the obvious verdict?Booze wins.Hands down.No arguments here.

HBL

2009-02-26T10:15:00.006+08:00

What FUN!!!Today is HBL(Home based learning) DAY!!I am so happy and exhilrated and..and...forget it...I'll stop before i break out into spamming torrents of stuff about Mr happy Sun,ice cream,playgrounds,and little bunnies and furry animals frolicking in the lush green fields illuminated by the warm rays from the heart of Mr Happy Sun.

I have to say that Home based learning might actually be pretty conducive if more work had gone into it.The physics powerpoint was awesome.(Went through it in 20 minutes instead of the usual 1 hour lecture)But what really takes the cake today was the GP 'lesson of sorts'.I have affixed screenshots of the lesson,which seriously redefines conducive study and what school should really be about.

Wait...The above paragraphed sounded overly mature/super lame and unmanly.I shall now provide a demo of what school should be about,based on detailed studies carried out by Professor Waffle on the psyche of widdle kiddies.
The day should start with lots of FUN!!!So that children will all look forward to coming to school!!YAY!!!

And...And..And...the school canteen should sell lollipops and candy!!!And..And...And...GUMMY BEARS!!!

And I just received notification that this blog post is not compulsory,so I'll stop here...

OMG!!!SOMETHING INTERESTING

2009-02-25T20:07:00.002+08:00

A certain CCA has just been brought to my attention,and it has sent my idiocity-o-meter into serious overdrive.This might be something I actually display the least bit of enthusiasm for!

Blogging!

Meetings are held once a month and all I have to do is blog about random stuff!Which is what I'm doing right now to pass time!Wait...Not on coolduderesource!?School blog!?!?NO SEXIST OR DEGRADATORY CONTENT!!!!POSITIVE NON TWISTED VIEWS!?!?!

Thanks for that feedback rational side of the brain,I'm not interested anymore...Or maybe I could encode my sexist messages...Alright enough of that.

Yupps!OMG DID I JUST USE THE WORD 'yupps'!!?!?!?!?Ugh...screw it.I meant YEAH HARDCORE!!!YEAH!!!!RAWRRRR!!!!NEW BLOGSKIN!!!MANLY ULTIMATE YEAH!!!!

All I've been getting are positive reviews about my choice of blogskin from the other CDR contributors

-- !Pзαημт ∙ ẀЯχ §Τi ĢČ8υ "what's peanut in jap?" says:
it's gay
-- !Pзαημт ∙ ẀЯχ §Τi ĢČ8υ "what's peanut in jap?" says:
IT'S FRIGGIN ICKY POO!!
-- !Pзαημт ∙ ẀЯχ §Τi ĢČ8υ "what's peanut in jap?" says:
YUCK YUCKS DOUBLE YUCKS
Iron Cobra, Flying Dragon says:
GAY GAY GAY GAY BLOG SKIN
Iron Cobra, Flying Dragon says:
Fuck!! rl;y gay

Ahhh...Such positive feedback simply warms my heart and drives me to push on in this cold desolate world...

The future prospects of life

2009-02-17T21:21:00.004+08:00

IS THIS THE END OF COOLDUDERESOURCE??? Just to grab your attention so that you'll be more willing to read my emo rants. I apparently do have the inspiration to rant about certain groups of people in my school. Because my school... is well... that kind of school, but i just don't have the luxury of time to do so. Anyway Waffle mentioned "intellectually elite", but I really do not believe that they are even a tenth as smart as me. Or Waffle. Or any of the cool dude affiliates... except a certain iron ore member... As a future (hopefully) co-president (co- because another guy apparently has the same idea and I was somehow forced into co-operating with him. Moral? Don't ever commit. Ever.) of literary club (he was rather insistent on naming it Writers' Society. I told him to screw off), I would like to take this opportunity to showcase my literary talent to bring across a point so full of complex meanings and philosophies, to portray the current mix of emotions during this current phase of mine:

School sucks. No serious.

And it doesn't help one bit to be in a school with uncool teachers, unlike the people at coolduderesource, and to a worser extent, uncool students, the part which I really can't stand. And of course how could I forget? Nearly 50% of the students there are girls, which I still think do not exist in this realm of space time. I only have eyes for the pretty 2 dimensional girls (not the ones Waffle draw though). But they take up space and makes everything so crammed, so it's quite hard to ignore them anyway.

There are a couple of things which i learnt in my school, of which i see the duty to impart this wisdom onto you nonexistant readers.

1. Toilets are more of fixing your gravity-defying hair than anything else
2. Our school theme song sounds like it was ripped off from NDP.
3. There aren't any lifts to abuse, unlike in a certain ex-secondary school.
4. Lectures are for sleeping with your eyes closed, and tutorials are for sleeping with your eyes open.
5. 10 hours at school each day can't be healthy.
6. Valentine's day is bullshit.
7. I still think that they should set up a techno club, but this school's pretty uptight about new ccas...
8. Most students at my school refuse to choose the better alternative FOR EVERYTHING.
9. The 2nd most irritating kind of people are those who are immature but try not to act immature.
10. The most irritating kind of people is me. Wait that isn't even grammatically correct...
11. A matt trying to pick a fight with you is fun stuff.

OK with that impartment of wisdom, I wish that your IQ has at least increased by -50. Ah speaking of which i was looking through the IQ improvement book, it was great shit ^^. Waffle i think you should go read through it again... Signing off, Peanut.

SWANSONG?

2009-02-17T18:33:00.002+08:00

The quality of posts is going down the drains.No,actually,drains is a major understatement.More like the giant long kang next to my primary school.It is unfortunate but i will have to inform all you devotees that I am gradually losing my touch of coolness.I can feel it slowly being eroded by our LOVELY EDUCATION SYSTEM!I would love to rant against the gahmen,but I have an IQ of above 100,so i won't.

Another one of the many reasons is that I am now surrounded by the intellectual elite.Sad to say,the education system has taken its toll of many of them.(Either that or they're really good actors)None of them are as cool/immature as my brudders for me to draw inspiration from to churn out stupid posts.

And the biggest reason,a massive drop in the people I cant rant about.While VS used to be infested with matts,my new school is well,filled with smart people.And even the matts seem to have taken on a low profile.With the main source of inspiration gone,I know not how much longer I can keep going on.

-Proceeds with another 1 gazillion words of emo ranting-

As such,I have justified why posts will get even less frequent.Did I mention anything about me being lazy or admitting that I'm getting dumber?No?Oh.Ok.Thats good

VDAY

2009-02-15T13:33:00.009+08:00

Hey people!I know you non-existent readers who religiously follow what I post on this blog were refreshing this page a gazillion times over yesterday wondering why no rant against VD has been uploaded.Well,here it is,after the great WaFFLe has decided to take time off his busy elite JC schedule.Better late than never yeah?

And on a different note,my mother/personal driver broke a new speed limit today.60kmph on the PIE!!!I now have no doubt in mind that 90% of traffic jams and super violent accidents are caused by female drivers.

I shall begin with some stuff I find really annoying about VD.

Matching cutesy couple Ts.These make me totally feel like puking.If they really want to wear matching clothes they can get enlisted in some mental hospital and stagger around happily in their identical straitjackets.Then again,I think anyone who condones wearing a stupid looking T shirt for his/her "loved one" probably should have been detained in a sanitarium long ago.
(Picture does not accurately depict the words written on these shirts,which make my hair stand so much i do not wish to draw them out)

Flowers.Not that I have anything against them.I just hate their ridiculous pricing and the fact that so many plants suffered decapitation for the sake of silly couples.(Actually,I'm just sore about having spent 5 dollars on them.It was for pride ok!?I don't like gorging on people'e chocolate and not giving anything in return.)
Stupid guys bringing their acoustic guitars to the beach and singing some gay ass pop song for their girlfriends,who apparently all seem to be completely deaf,and are actually enjoying what sounds to me like... really bad pop music.Ew...As if pop music on its own wasn't bad enough.

And not forgetting...THE FACT THAT NO SG GIRLS ARE COOL/AWESOME/FUNNY/WITTY/PRETTY/DOCILE/OBEDIENT ENOUGH TO BE WORTHY OF MY TIME.

And so as not to be accused for being absolutely unobjective,I shall now post solutions to all these pesky Vday problems.

Flamethrower.Not much needs to be said.Just raze all the mushy nonsense to the ground.

Metal band.Just bring them all to the beach to belt out hardcore metal songs and drown out the stinking pop music from cheap acoustic guitars.

Imagination.Just pretend you have the perfect girl and...give up after 5 seconds,go online,and chat with other lonely people on VD night.

All right,that's it from me.

Recommended reading:Phin Wong's VD article in the Valentine Day's eve Today Newpaper.

EDIT:Whoops!I forgot to post a solution to the last issue about the quality of girls in Singapore.The only solution of sorts I can conceive would be to make them read this blog 24/7 for 20 years,analysing dissecting and assimilating every letter until they turn cool.At least they can have decent personalities.But they'll be old hags by the time they're done...All the better.Then there'll be fewer babies...Let's not get carried away,that is a different topic for a different day.

SCHOOL

2009-02-01T16:53:00.003+08:00

School starts tomorrow.A dark cold unfamiliar place and that awkward feeling of meeting people you know but you aren't close to.All your brothers have left you.Yes,this is the situation i find myself in.And i will now post a lengthy intellectual essay about my deepest thoughts and emotions.

FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck
FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck

The end

Oh.and one more thing.Don't read this if you get squirmish reading "coarse language".

PROJECTS

2009-01-27T22:04:00.002+08:00

It has been a Chinese new year devoid of sarcastic posts aimed at some particular group of people or another.And as for every session of skiving,there is a reason.The H game being developed by us will be tantamount to reading an entire year of posts.I am,as an artistic genius,in charge of illustrations.I assure all you imaginary readers that the drawings are absolutely excellent.I have churned out around 15 pictures,the equivalent of 3 posts.Now can you begin to see how epic this game is gonna be?

WORK part 2

2009-01-25T18:31:00.002+08:00

It is over.9 days of slaving away promoting drinks and i have finally come to the end of my working experience.all I have to say is...It's not great.Perhaps my paycheck will change that.All i have to say about work is...nothing much really.I can't even think of anything to draw since interesting occurrences were non existent during that time.Or maybe i just forgot about them.

The one thing i would like to talk about would be my support for the campaign to ban the playing of CNY songs over and over,especially those with super high pitched little kiddy vocals.Those were the ones which truly drove me to the brink of insanity.Try blocking out some really shrill voice going "YO!!XING NIAN DAO LAR!!!!" followed by really cheena-ish shrieking.I think listening to metal would have made my ears bleed less.

Nothing else to say...This post really stinks...

HAPPY MUGEN NEW YEAR!!

2009-01-25T16:38:00.002+08:00

happy chin chin new year to all... chin chin people. Hope you non-existant readers get lot's of new year's allowance from your elder family members. TO DONATE ALL OF THEM TO COOLDUDERESOURCE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHH! Ok whatever. Update time.

Coolduderesource is currently in the midst of creating a h game for you sexually deprived souls who do not know where or how to torrent "free" h games. So thanks in advance to me, since I predict i'll be doing most of the work anyway. yes you're very welcome. Hopefully we will get the demo of the game uploaded and ready to be dled as soon as possible. And for those of you who are wondering what the game is gonna be about, let me give you a brief overview.

Brobee!

Half Just Kidding.

Of course for this production we will, as usual, enlist the help of professionals throughout the course of creation in their respective fields. So you know what kind of awesome h game we'll be creating >.>

Anyway ideas are very welcome, just tag them on the tag board. For those who do not know what are h games, just give your ideas anyway. No yaoi please... A certain iron ore ranked cooldude affiliate will become over stimulated...

Ok that's it for now. You can be rest assured that you will NOT waste your hdd space on this h game. The most anticipated h game of 2009!! Rambo - The first light!!

JOBS.part 1.5

2009-01-16T10:08:00.005+08:00

Alright,remember how a few posts ago i ridiculed students taking up jobs?Guess what?I managed to get myself landed in one just to experience working for meagre pay for a period of ten days so that i can present my ultracool findings to all you imaginary readers.Here are a few predictions of what my job is going to be like.Oh.I start work today btw.Come visit me at the NTUC at Jalan Tiga if you need to buy any F&N drinks for CNY.

1.I'll be stuck with 2 chain-smoking ah bengs with bodies that resemble swiss cheese.(Both because of the piercings and the smell)They'll both hang around and talk really loudly leaving me out of a conversation I do not have the capabilities to understand.And they'll make me do all the work.I haven't even met them and i hate them already...

2.I'll be all alone.Awesome...Then i can play scissors paper stone with myself all day.

3.I'll be stuck with a fellow geeky ugly socially inapt guy.Even more awesome.We can play scissors paper stone with each other all day.And stare at people walking by through our super thick glasses.

4.I'll meet up with a really pretty childhood female friend and then... *ramble ramble ramble H-game scene ramble ramble ramble*Not gonna happen.This is a MANLY job!And girls are icky poo and they're not invited into my secret clubhouse ultra mega super duper base.

BUNCH OF SONGS

2009-01-11T22:54:00.003+08:00

Just some stuff i downloaded by DJ-Satomi,uploaded for direct download from my favorite filehost.Not exceptional,but pretty decent tracks.Oh,and I've updated the playlist with music muffin describes as bullshit.Just enjoy.(Or not)

Castles in the sky
Waves
Superstar
Fantasy
With you

And another one

DJ Steve-Nothing But a Dream

COOLNESS AT THE GYM

2009-01-11T14:19:00.005+08:00

Welcome to the first in a series of coolness at the gym.Yes!A real life one!No pokemon battles here!While you sit scratching your head at why cool dudes like us even need to hit the gym,I shall verse it simply to increase the ease of understanding.

Cool dudes like me,(WaFFLe),have undoubtedly perfect bods.Too perfect i must say.My beer belly is simply TOO SEXY FOR GIRLS TO RESIST!I have more fangirls than the number of amoeba in a 1000ml sample of amoeba concentrate solution.And i must admit,the fangirls are getting absolutely annoying!Imagine spending every waking hour with dazzlingly gorgeous girls!Simply too monotonous if you ask me.Which is why I need to hit the gym and lose some of my natural attractiveness by heaping pounds of unsightly muscle onto my excessively enticing frame.

The first tip I have to alll you gym goers out there is about the time you hit the gym.Late afternoons and weekends are a definate no-no.For some reason,these times are the unofficial dress-like-a-marvel-superhero hours.You will see people with builds like the incredible hulk,thor,or whatever superhero you can perceive with rippling huge muscles.It does not help that they laugh at your underdeveloped (but cool) muscles as you try to lift weights a tenth of what they do.

The solution?Simple.Just go on weekday mornings!When the old grannys and grandpas hit the gym.You can pump 2.5kg weights with aplomb as the grandpas and grannys huff and puff trying to lift the metal bar with no weights on it!Now THAT is true coolness.

Moar Abusal Of Super Expensive Video Editing Software

2009-01-05T13:38:00.003+08:00

Hello!! Peanut here!! This video here is a solo production made by me (thank you thank you). I know all you non-existent followers of coolduderesource like yuri as much as me, though I can't say the same for Waffle.. The song I used for this clip was exclusively selected from the our playlist at the side. Anyway, I hereby present to you, on the behalf of all that is peanutty, Nanoha x Fate - AMV. Thank you thank you.

By the way, this video was also the reason why I haven't been posting for so long. Videos are much harder to create than mere typed entries. As Waffle has personally discovered, and had long since given up on video editing... He's now trying to make some techno song, which I should think he's miserably failing...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2008-12-31T23:57:00.004+08:00

Our dear (imaginary) readers..Too long have we had a lousy relationship,absolutely impersonal and all that.To start the new year,I would like to take the relationship to the next level,by posting pictures of our real life selves!You know how web idols post their pretty pictures all over their blogs and get loads of fanboys/fangirls?Yeah,We're doing the same thing,except unlike them,we have taken the decency to visually enhance our images to make us look even shuaier than we already are.

Starting from the top,Peanut,me and then some random dude who hangs out with us.

Come on fangirls...yeah..it will work.Fangirls are flocking to know the super shuai us in real life

EXCELLENT MOVIE

2008-12-27T10:48:00.003+08:00

After the last post,I wallowed in my sorrow,lamenting how severe the degradation of movies has become,until a super cool dood told me to watch a certain kick-ass movie.

RAMBO!

I have to say that this movie is EPIC AWESOME!For one,there is ABSOLUTELY NO ROMANCE throughout the entire film,which was disappointingly short at under an hour,excluding the parts without violence.However,I was glad to notice that extreme violence is still present,which has over the years,been left out of most movies outside the horror genre to cater to little kiddies and their families,or icky teenage girls swooning over their super shuai idols.Needless to say,i am shuaier,so i don't see what the big deal is about.

Being an absolutely stuck up asshole,I must still find things to gripe about in this awesome movie.

1.Not enough violence.They should totally skip the first part.Screw the plot.Nobody needs a story.Just jump into the fighting and include a bonus 3 hour long footage of mindless extreme blood and gore.

2.There is a female side character.Damn it,from past experiences,female side characters do nothing but create complications,slow the main hero down and lower the violence o meter.Hey,I admit I am a sexist,but I'm not saying all female characters suck.Ada Wong,Jill Valentine etc. etc. from resident evil kick ass.Apart from Ashley.Useless little whiner...And lets not forget the females from tekken,99 nights,dynasty warriors...See?I'm not a total asshole after all!I acknowledge contributions females make!

3.More blood needed.Oh wait...I think that and not enough violence are synonymous...

To sum things up,violence kicks romance's ass ANYTIME!

In the meantime,I shall wait for Red cliff 2.Though it's not very high on gore,it is an extremely manly show.The scene about the old man and the ox made me cry buckets from the sheer manlyness the general displayed.THAT is what real tear jerkers should be made of,not stupid divorces,slapping and family disputes.

TEH COOL MUSIC SITE

2008-12-23T18:34:00.002+08:00

which is our site. duh. anyway peanut here. If you haven't noticed already, I'll put it in bold. THERE IS A NEW MUSIC PLAYLIST AT THE SIDE ABOVE THE CHATBOX. Although I think the playlist itself is so much bigger than mere bold words, if you haven't noticed that thing which plays music once you enter our site, I don't think you'll ever notice it till you die. Anyway why the sudden addition to our already cool site? We've been starting to explore new previously unexplored realms, and we're taking you on this incredible journey: To rid your mind of ultimately trashy pop music from the likes of the Johannes Brudders and the Rigunna. Lemme post one of the lyrics of one of the songs of our special selection.

Express Love (lyrics):
Show me tonite that you're not a venture
That you can love me with another spirit
Give me the life as you were the nature
What is the reason why you keep me waitin'

I don't wanna be losing you
Don't you see that
I can't live another day without you
But you're teasing me
You just give an

Express love
And I cry (die) for you tonite
And I'm dying (crying) but you, you give an
Express love
Stop for a while and think of me
To be part of my life so you can
Express love

Why can't you see
That my heart is breaking
Tonite I gotta make you feel I love you
Want me to try dancing in the bedroom
But I don't wanna be the one night story

Does the music lyrics makes sense? It does if you're cool. But that's a long arduous process. So what's the difference between trashy pop and cool music before you become as cool as us? The music. Well that helps a lot...

Kidding. This shit makes you high. Trashy pop music does not. And it's equally senseless. Why crack your brains over spastic music which is bound to decrease your iq without enjoying it first, while you can go through the process while enjoying it? And the lyrics, if any, is unlike trashy pop music which actually try to make sense, but can't. The lyrics, as shown in the example above, doesn't make sense to the extent that it becomes hilarious! Hehehe...

The only good music nowadays are the unpopular music. It's a pretty obvious fact why this is so. Simply because of the rarity of cool dudes, like us.

Another reason why you need to listen to our music, is because our posts are cool. Uncool music + cool reading material, will cancel each other out, and implode your brain, or whatever's left of it anyway. This is for your own safety. So turn off that 98.7 FM or whatever you have going on, and turn up your speaker volume. DJ Peanut and DJ Waffle will bring you the best selection of cool music. Diu diu diu diu~~~! Turn up the bass!

VAMPIREXHUMAN

2008-12-22T19:30:00.009+08:00

Another one of life's greatest mysteries has left me absolutely befuddled.There seems to be a magnetic attraction that draws silly gushing teenage girls to cinemas in hoards to watch the vampire romance movie tweelai(name edited to bypass copyright nonsense).It does not seem very surprising at first,looking at the magnificently rendered CG scenes from the trailer,though it comes no where near to Transformers,the only movie I have watched and left the cinema feeling willing to have part with my money.

The part that truly confuses me is that they watch the movie over and over again,with some running across the causeway to watch it before it screens in cinemas here!Goodness me.The CG effects aren't even all that top rate!And then i find out something that seeks to make the image of a typical female even more idiotic in my mind.THEY WATCH IT FOR THE ROMANCE!!!

I seriously fail to see how anyone could be such a moron.I mean,haven't we seen this vampire x human thing before?Edison Chen did it with twins effect,which was pretty cool,i must admit.But surely not cool enough for me to watch it more than once.The plot is so absolutely predictable!Without having watched Tweelai myself,i shall come up with a quick plot break down.

Scene 1:
Ancient vampire meets young human chio Bu.
Scene 2:
Romantic nonsense begins.He chats her up,kiss kiss,hug hug...Yuck yuck.

Scene 3:Ultimate vampire evil boss appears.He needs the blood of the specific girl.Who coincidentally *gasp* happens to be the chiobu Mr vampire is going out with.

Scene 4:
Ultimate vampire evil boss kills girl and drinks her blood.Transformation to ultimate godly evil boss mode begins.

Scene 5:
Mr vampire gets really really upset and turns into a super Saiyan,vowing to take revenge on ultimate vampire boss.A fierce battle ensuing 99 nights begins.An entire city is devastated.Both parties die in a dramatic dissolving into ash.

Scene 6:
During the ferocious battle,a secret underground laboratory belonging to Umbrella corporation is destroyed.The latest deadly Z virus is released.Zombie infection begins.

Scene 7:
Unable to contain the outbreak,the chinese military enlists the help of Aliens.However..The aliens betrayed them...
Ok.I got lost after the romantic part.I simply cannot conceive any scenes of romance and have a very low tolerance for romance in films.(Squirmed in my seat watching the kissing scene in spider man)Situations like these are what makes me consider accepting a girl into the editorial panel of CDR...

THIS MUSIC SITE AH!?

2008-12-11T19:44:00.002+08:00

And another one for your aural indulgement...Nature of sauce is the same as the first

http://ifile.it/7an4eq9

Lucky Bear Opening

2008-12-08T20:30:00.001+08:00

unfortunately, this video is not the video which we have been talking about the past few months. but i hope you guys don't mind. Coolduderesource presents:

man youtobe's upload speed is SO fast. all hail bandwidth suckers.

Url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9JKskT2mK0

ANOTHER AWESOME SONG

2008-12-08T19:01:00.000+08:00

Moonlight shadow remix

ZOMBIES

2008-12-08T10:25:00.010+08:00

After watching resident evil degeneration,I gained a sudden burst of inspiration and came to a major realisation that...Singapore's 3D animation really sucks shit.Sing to the dawn cant even compare to this on ANY scale!Apart from the scale of poor animation of course.

But a more important thing we all should know,is that it can happen ANYTIME,ANYWHERE to ANYONE!A zombie invasion that is.With terrorism reaching an unprecedented level of complexity and planning,as proved by the mumbai bombings,it is only a matter of time before they bring in biochemical weapons and start turning people into mindless zombies.

WE MUST BE PREPARED!

And how,you ask,can we protect ourselves from ravenous zombies when we reside in a country which makes owning firearms illegal?That is simple.With my knowledge and expertise in this field,I shall share several techniques to take out zombies in hoards.

1.Water gun flamethrower.Rather obvious huh?

2.Matt shield.Simply tell them that the zombies are a SOCCER team who said that the matts have no SOCCER skills whatsoever.The matts will be infuriated and charge headfirst into the fray with soccer balls,and start playing a mindless game of SOCCER with the equally mindless zombies.Of course,the zombie team will keep increasing in numbers,while the converse happens to the matt team,which isn't really fair for them...But who cares?It gives the Chinese time to carry out their sly plan.Which brings me to point 3.

3.Stock up on all brands of shampoo.Dammit,if heads and shoulders shampoo can kill aliens(Evolution),I think neutrogena should do the same to zombies!Neutrogena smells so much better than heads and shoulders!Stupid commercialisation saves the day again!!!

4.Blanket of darkness.Just stuff the zombies in an MRT train bound for 小印度 station at around 5pm.The zombies will run amok as they are engulfed by darkness.A S.W.A.T. team can now swoop in and fire shampoo at the zombies as well as live rounds at everything that moves,to further the cause of the Ku Ke La Xi clan.Ethnic cleansing....Yeah...

5.Ask dumb teenagers to start blasting trashy trendy pop music from their handphones eg.Rihana,Teh Ting Tings and all that nonsense.The zombies' brains will explode instantly.Of course,mine will sustain major damage too.But what is a loss of 12 IQ points from a pool of 99999999999?Infinitesimal.

Now that we all know how to protect ourselves from zombies,lets all do our part to make Singapore a zombie-free society!

Yes.I know you're very grateful for this article you MDA watchdog looking at this site....

BACK FROM KAZAHKSTAN!!!!

2008-12-06T16:31:00.006+08:00

pardon my spelling... *cough* ok cool dudes! im back! from the great land of Britain. Frankly I was pretty disappointed with the trip.... The music there sucks. The people there are too tall (or I'm too short, most likely the latter). Everything is pretty much VERY expensive (exchange rate ₤1 = SGD$ 2.30, lucky us actually). So in the end, I didn't buy anything home, and my mum had a whale of a good time walking round Oxford Circus shopping for hours (8 and a half hours per day to be exact) and buying nothing home. Oh well I didn't go home empty handed. I brought home myself as a souvenir (narcissistic aren't I?). Anyway enough of my blabbering, a faint hearted attempt to mimic uncool individuals who blog incessantly about their mundane holidays. Time to get to the cool stuff.

Let's address last last week's burning question. Why do big gigantic robots doing battle with other... big gigantic robots seem so interesting?
ahh the beauty of it all. Come to think of it, there are many animes which i can think of which involve big gigantic robots. Gundam, Evangelion, Code Geass, Bleach, Naruto, Hayate no gotoku and many many more. So what's up with all the hype? Let's find out.

Characteristics of big gigantic robots:
They look exactly like the image which comes to mind when you imagine "big gigantic robots". Talk about originality... Ok ok I'll describe them to you.... They usually have a (gigantic) head, 2 (gigantic) arms, 2 (gigantic) legs. Yeah that's about it. Their most popular weapons of mass destruction... Is ironically.... a (gigantic) sword. Other variations include (gigantic) guns, (gigantic) beams of light spilling out of their mouths and the ever classic I-use-my-hand-which-has-just-been-broken-off-by-you-to-whack-you-ironically (insert gigantic where necessary). They're very colorful, purpose unknown. Some say it's to camouflage against the backdrop of blue and purple lasers lacing across the night sky, diu-diu-diu-diu~~~... Ahem sorry a bit too romantic. Others say the color attracts birds and the bees, like how flowers do. Well there's something with a tad of realism and sensibility...

So is this the cause of all the hype? Yes to a certain extent. But definitely not the ultimate reason. Let's delve in a little more....

Fight sequence:
Really.... it's just a gang fight.... magnified. No really...

Maintenance cost:
Very expensive. Costs 10 million gearbwable or whatever funny currency they have in the future...

Freedom fighters:
No that's just a stupid excuse for big gigantic robots to do battle with other big gigantic robots.

Well.... yeah.... that pretty much sums it up.... But the most important reason is!!!!!!!

Fart

Man that was CLASSIC.

Ah well.... robots are cool.... all hail my editing skills

NOTHING IS HAPPENING!?!?!?

2008-12-06T12:10:00.005+08:00

I waited so long for the stinking exams to end,and after they have,I came to the shocking realization that i do not have the financial resources to do ANY of the things i set of to do after the exams!!!I went to my ATM and she told to get a job.GET A JOB?GET A JOB!?!?!?!?ARE YOU F*CKING CRAZY!?!?!

Of course,I didn't say that out loud.Cool people DO NOT take up part time student jobs for the following reasons.

Service Jobs(eg. Attending to customers in a shop)

This field of work exposes an individual to the highly feared creature known as the tai tai with nothing better to do.These heinously horrendous hippos simply live off their rich,pitiful husbands and spend their time playing mahjong,chatting with friends and shopping.I do not have any taichi with the species in general,just a certain type,the nothing better to do,western-educated and I-think-I'm-the-most-important-person-in-the-world-type.They come into a shop and immediately call for assistance by exclaiming a single "OI!","HELLO!" or "HEY!" at the nearest hapless shop assistant and looks at the assistant from head to toe before making demands to try on something along the lines of every single piece of clothing in the shop.

These are some of the things they do that bring about a serious aversion to working.

1.Ask for sizes way too small cause they think they're very young,petite and slim when they're not,and then complain that the shop's clothes are lousy because they do not fit.The pitiful shop assistant does not even dare to suggest a larger size as he/she is afraid to aggravate the creature.

2.Hog the changing room looking at herself like very pretty liddat...

3.Talk in a very loud voice with that annoying pseudo-Ang Moh accent.

4.Continue to use the Ang Moh accent even though the assistant is clearly befuddled by her enunciation.

5.Look irritably at assistant when her grunting commands are not understood.

6.Spend a long time at the shop trying on stuff even though she had no intention of buying anything from the start.(Who needs Giordano and Bossini when your husband pays for Armani and Gucci?)

And the one I simply do not have the heart to witness

6.Drags her docile husband with her to the shop on weekends and commands the husband to carry stuff,wait for her etc...Men are supposed to be superior to women!!!

And I have even see a particular Tai Tai interestingly ask a shop assistant if there would be extra charges for the assistant's help.I tried hard not to laugh as the poor 14/15/16 y/o girl stood there with 'stun' written all over her face.

Next time,I will continue to rant,rave and ridicule student jobs.

BLEWWHHHHH

2008-12-03T19:12:00.003+08:00

I'm out of cool lessons to impart...Nah,blatant lie.I just don't wanna share my divine wisdom with unworthy people.However,to benefit the loyal imaginary regular readers of this blog,I will continue to inject subtle hints and tips into postings of events in my super cool super awesome life to aid you along in your quest of achieving super coolness and attracting all the chio bus you can possibly wish for.Ok...Im really starting too sound too much like a certain someone...

The Lessons for today are....

1.You know that green monster with long arms in yo gabba gabba?His name is spelt b-r-o-b-e-e not g-r-o-b-y.Many thanks to my cool cousin for this bit of information.

2.Shooting air gun pellets at beer cans and your neighbours' retractable cloth roofs(you know the one that goes in and out to expose and cover laundry according to the weather?) is really really fun...

3.Shining a laser pointer into your neighbours windows when they are asleep or preparing to sleep is great fun too.

NEW INTERFACE!

2008-12-02T16:50:00.004+08:00

OKay.Im 100% gonna pretend i did this on purpose.Its not as if the following happened.

I was messing about with the html till the blog couldn't display properly.So i went down to blogskins.com to find some new skins,and all im greeted by is a load of not cool,not fierce,not awesome skins which dripped with enough emo and angst to make my hair stand with so much force they get torn out of my hair follicles...

The decent ones i found of lions,tigers,dragons or phoenixies,all super fierce stuff i wanna have on my car next time,happened to have flawed or shitty html coding.I cant even imagine reading this much coolness in a text box the size of a tenth of my monitor.

So im just gonna use another one of the skins provided by blogger and claim i spent lots of effort giving the site a facelift.So there.

AWESOME SONG

2008-12-02T14:23:00.001+08:00

http://ifile.it/2bskz47

I really like it.Not disclosing the source,although Peanut probably already knows...

ENGRISh

2008-12-02T13:54:00.008+08:00

Poor..Abysmal...Catastrophic...Just some words to describe how my hunt for engrish went.China has seriously taken its standard of english to the next level.There are barely any more signs of engrish anywhere!!!Nevertheless,I did manage to find a few.Though they are both not as hilarious and glaringly wrong as previous engrish discoveries.Seriously speaking,some of them may not even be engrish.Sigh...

Aww man....My booger is really starting to irritate my nasal tract!
So is it okay if I do it in a systematic manner?This empty plastic bottle goes into the sea...And this drink packet goes 10 m diagonally 10 degress clockwise from the lamp post,while the beer can should be parallel 30m to the west of the drink packet...

Haha...Creative

Shit man.Slovenly is actually an English word.And i had no idea what i meant before this.See how good China English has become?

I presume they were talking about the air conditioning,if not I would really hate to get into a race with one of these things...

FAREWELL 2

2008-11-30T00:45:00.003+08:00

well well, looks like I'm off to Great Britain on Monday eh? Actually I was supposed to deal with the anime fest post, but my underling had failed to promptly send me the photos, so the complete post will be done later i guess. For now you'll just have to make do with the commentary.

Sunday, 23rd of November

Anime Fest, Suntec Convention hall

Q: What do you do at Singapore's anime convention?
A: Nothing.

Kidding!

The real answer is...
A: Nothing.

Truthfully, I spent roughly 10 times the amount of the time OUTSIDE the convention hall, than inside of it. Anyway they give you this magic stamp which can only be seen under UV light, so we could come and go as we please.

To give your minuscule brain a little idea why I spent so little time there (30 mins, 10 mins playing Initial D included), I've come up with a schematic plan of the damned place.

Yes that's about it. The only thing which I can comfort myself is that I didn''t die of boredom, which is quite an achievement actually. And damn there weren't any Maria figurines there. And NO winx club!!!! Nor Yo Gabba Gabba. No yuri (sorry Waffle). No doujins (h of course). Nothing cool whatsoever. All that was on sale were useless figurines (gundam mostly, though there was a bible black figurine which was pretty hip but figured my mum wouldn't sit well with it). There were cosplayers, but they all suck. Wanna know why? They didn't patronise Dora the Explorer (dude her bangs are HOT). Yes yes that's the only reason. Oh yeah, their eyes weren't big enough. You'll see what i mean when I post the pictures (not of the cosplayers you dolt, the only thing they achieve is to spoil my underling's camera). The next time I post, though it's a little overdue, will be about the mysteries of big gigantic robots doing battle with.... with... other big gigantic robots, and why 4D cosplayers suck so bad (ironic really).

So I'm off to London for the week, to see those soldiers with big furry hats bigger than their swords (seriously, they should just ditch their guns and go to battle with that thing, great distraction too). And also to see the Eiffel tower. So till then,　さようなら、とこんいちわ、光のロンドン～！じゃね～！

FAREWELL...

2008-11-17T07:49:00.005+08:00

I will leave tomorrow to chase my destiny,reach the next rung of the endless ladder to world domination,make my dreams reality,and enter into the vast boundless China,the nation of...Chinese?

Yes,I am on a hunt where skills and innate ability reign supreme.No you dolt,I'm not referring to playing the flirting game.That comes later.I'm still training.Welcome to the world of...Engrish Hunting!!!The never ending search for horrendously hilarious abuse of the English Language.Armed with my 10 megapixel camera and my slit-like typical cheena man eyes,I will hunt down signs across all of China,capturing the various misappropriations of English.All in the name of...Idiotic fun.

Hail my editing skills.They are divine.

On a relatively unrelated note,I would like to turn your attention to a different topic altogether.

-section censored for fear of government persecution-

And that is why i seriously cant stand some groups of people.I hereby declare the creation of a Yellow Supremacist group,the Ku Ke La Xi Klan.We(No actually I'm the only member) aim to rid the world of all elements non-yellow and achieve YELLOW SUPREMACY!!!!(duh?)
So join me on my quest all yellow people,together we will strive to herald in the dawn of a world where yellowness reigns supreme!For the sake of China!Chairman Mao!!And the continuity of the WaFFLe bloodline!!!

EXPERIMENTS...

2008-11-16T15:25:00.005+08:00

Hey..This is waffle.As if you non-existent readers don't already know...When the O levels are over,the cats come out to play!Wait...that does not rhyme!Hold on a second,it does not even make sense to begin with...

To cut a long story short..
I played computer games
I got my butt kicked
I got pissed off and went all out
Still got my butt kicked
Gave up
Decided to tinker around with stuff
Achieved nothing that will bring about the obliteration of all human life on Earth
Bitch on blog

Today..I proudly present the first officially released pictures of my highly confidential project.The following is a prototype of the WaFFLeGUn,which is essentially just a home made flamethrower.Of course,it hasn't been tested out yet.(I may be reckless,but I'm not stupid)I would appreciate it if someone could swagger up to the nearest petrol station and buy me a litre of petrol for the further development of this socially beneficial project.(We can raze soccer fields with the gun,and everyone knows soccer contributes to 36.298% of the annual decay of our society)

Without further ado, I present...Dun dee dum duu dee dum.....

I hate my slow upload speed...

Welcome back!

2008-11-14T09:04:00.003+08:00

Hello peanut here!
If you had thought that we had to stop blogging about cool stuff to prepare for the "o" levels, well you are wrong. The US financial crisis, starting from the crash in stock market at Wall Street, had spread to Google, forcing them to shut down the operation of some useful blogs such as ours temporarily. With the DOW looking good, and Nasdaq on the rise, cool dudes we're back in business! Wait.... We already mentioned exams the last post... Oh well.

Anyway, frankly speaking, it's all the US government's fault. They could have done many things to have avoided that awful month of October. Like bomb Cambridge. However, no use crying over spilled milk. I here have proposed solutions that would turn the US economy around and place right back on track!

Solution 1: The Statue of Groby
Here's the plan. Sell the Statue of Liberty's head and replace it with a much more durable.... Yes, yes.... GROBY HEAD!

Ah the beauty of it all. Why do that? Firstly, the US can gain revenue from the selling of the head. That should help a bit. The Statue of Groby, also deters Jihadists from attacking the state. Those dumb suicidal maniacs will die from the sight of it before they even get to blow themselves up. Or at least they think they got the wrong target. Also there will be an increase in revenue from tourists! Cool dudes such as myself would want to get a glimpse of one of the 10 Wonders of the World. That's even more reason for celebration.

Also, groby's head is fluffy. When the Jihadists finally realised their mistake and overcome the sheer awesome of it, when they try to ram a plane into it, the plane will be absorbed into it's fluff.

The US government can then use these funds to decorate Wall Street to become Decorated Wall Street. Then more investors will be willing to buy stocks in the companies. Thus pulling the economy up, and making everybody very happy. Partly because of the decorations....

Ah so that's all for the solutions. Wait! There's only one solution! Well this solution is so bound to work out that there isn't any need to have any other solution. And cool dudes don't care much about speaking perfect engrish, and wouldn't pay attention to such seemingly minuscule details.

Ok that's it for now. Bye Bye!

By the way, please join our cs server. We need more noobs. Thank you.

CS SERVER CONNCECTING TUTORIAL

2008-11-14T07:28:00.003+08:00

Step 1.
Download these two files which make up the exe required to install counter strike
http://ifile.it/2kh6omn
http://ifile.it/esd2anh
Yes,i personally uploaded these to a filehost that is fast and kicks rapidshare's faggotry butt.Took me 9 hours.Thanks will be appreciated.

Step 2
Download HJ split
http://hjsplit.en.softonic.com/download

Step 3
Run HJ split
Follow the numbered instructions.Please ensure that you have parts 1 and 2 located in the same directory.

Step 4
Wait....Feel free to corrupt your "sanctified" minds by reading our previous posts.

Step 5
Run the .exe installer formed by joining the 2 files.Should be really easy from here on.

Step 6
Nao that you have counter strike installed,lets connect to the server.
http://ifile.it/5u6apeq
Hamachi client.Download this for playing among ourselves.You may wish to play on (laggy) online servers if you so wish by clicking on the internet servers option ingame.

Step 6
Run hamachi and click on the triangular thing on the bottom right hand corner.Select join existing network.Network name is "Penguin Pahwer" Password is "waffleishandsome".No there are no spelling errors.

Step 7
If you want to play please sms or pm me over msn me and i will hook you up to the server.

Step8
Play as you would at a LAN shop

Excuse any spelling errors or mistakes i made,I'm aurally indulging myself in trance,which inevitably results in my brain matter getting rather foggy...

Just a small prezzie before our re-opening

2008-11-12T15:11:00.003+08:00

Nah..I lied.Its not a prezzie.Just some self exaltation.Another one of Peanut's favorite activities

Intermission ~ between words...

2008-10-27T17:43:00.002+08:00

h game theme song? Hardly. As the dark clouds of apocalypse rolls by the battered lands, the first streams of sunlight begin to penetrate through the still air. There is hope, but it is still distant. Why you may ask? Bcos of social studies. Anyway it's little over 2 weeks before the end of not just the o lvls, but 4 years of both secondary schooling, and the rigor of, well, to put it nicely, singapore's stringent education system. Anyway as some are already moving on to achieve greater things, some are moving on to relive their childhood, and experience things which they had been deprived of since young, ahem, yo gabba gabba, ahem... Not naming anybody here. A thoughtful observation of the o's. One word says it all. Winx club.

And one more thing, on our big reopening, we're gonna specially feature our debut film starring jay chuo, directed by me. All the other shit done by me. Special thx to peech for the technical advice. I'd love to post the movie poster here, but i have no time to draw two stickmans and a car. Later.

Last Words....For Nao

2008-09-03T11:34:00.002+08:00

The heavens are bleached with darkness.Thunder rumbles in the not-so-distant distance and lightning streaks across the sky like numerous distributaries joining the sea,illuminating the barren plains.The birds swirl in a black twisted tornado and the very air crackles and tears itself apart to herald the coming of the horde.The ground splits itself,contorting the edifices mankind built,as jellyfish spread across the land,blanketing it like egg albumin....

Wrath of the lich king?Nah....EOYs/O levels/A levels/PSLE/wadeva shit that comes in a while.

Have fun people,good luck,and be warned.There will be blood...The only thing that can save you now is intense mugging.That and sword chuckery of course,although the latter might prove too complex a technique to master in 38 days...

BEIJING OLYMPICS

2008-08-08T22:47:00.004+08:00

Oh great,just great.A 2 billion 1 hour production and i missed watching it on the same day as the China telecast on my house's 19 inch CRT(the fat type) TV.All thanks to...*drumroll* CHINESE!( chinese(the language) struts down a red carpet and gets shot in the head with a 9mm from my high velocity artic.)

Some thoughts about the Olympics (from what i have seen and heard so far)

1.HAO AH!!!HAO AH!!!ZHONG GUO HAO AH!!!AI GUO YA!!!MAO ZEDONG SHE ZHUI WEI DA DE REN AH!!!!ZHONG GUO QIAN JING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah alright.That should placate the Chinese internet police.Provided they can read hanyupinyin in the first place...

2.Wow..The world has so many little countries.Why don't they just group people up by skin colour or region and introduce them all at once,waste so much time otherwise...Wouldn't it be loads better if things were to go Africa!ASEAN!The rest of ASIA!America!Soviet Union!EU nations! Alright,we're done. instead of kazhakstan!Ubekistan!And 100 of its little known neighbours one by one.Oh yeah.Forgot antartica.Damn,those penguins run faster than lightning...

3.Those China Zhabos clad in white dancing around the sides clapping hands and gyrating all for the sake of the Beijing Olympics,they are seriously patriotic beyond the scope of our selfish little minds.They have to do that till 12 midnight.Good luck girls...May the force of Chairman Mao be with you.

4.I just realised something...THE PENGUINS ARE NOT OUT YET!!!ARGHHH!!!!Where are the penguins and their polar bear buddies!?!?!?This excruciating wait is simply killing me!There'd better come out soon...Hm...Wonder who the flag bearer will be...Probably padington bear.He's cool.Oh wait...He's not even a polar bear...

REFLECTIONS

2008-08-08T15:47:00.005+08:00

Finally,7 hours of following instructions,made absolutely difficult by the idiosyncratic structure of my mind,my maple story private server is fully functional,although it totally stinks in comparison to other servers.

Stuff that works:
Multiplayer
Job advancement
Basic NPCs (some)
World teleporter
PvP
Most skills(including 4th Job)
Bosses

Stuff that doesn't
Rebirth(Not tested yet)
Cash shop
Some NPCs are bugged

Oh well,sigh...if you feel like screwing about in a 100000x exp server just leave a msg in the tagboard.Oh yeah...forgot screenshots...Who cares...

The main point of posting this message will be to open my heart and tell the world how much i love my school,which is why i am affixing the following two pictures of my reflections after 4 years in secondary school.(Yes,i did submit this for publication in a yearbook-like tome)

COOLNESS IN BAGS part 2.5

2008-08-05T15:48:00.011+08:00

What a long post in reply to a simple comment.Just goes to show how sensitive bubblyjelly is...

Whatever the case,i shall now delve into the deep mysteries of...Bags...Yes...Bags....This post will continue to inform you as to which are the cool and not so cool bag models among the ones which are currently all the rage among teenagers.

Bag type number 2:The "ZOMG MY EYES!!!!" Bag.

The creation of these bags is a highly complex and incomprehensible process whose secret used to lie in only the most brilliant of minds.However,due to the proliferation of P2P software,this once well guarded secret is now out,and it has spawned a host of copycats.Below is the original method used to create the ZME (acronym for ZOMG MY EYES) bag.

An amazingly cool work of artistic genius,such as the picture below,is shrunk using an extremely complex chemical process known as electrical tranmorphiguration addition polymerisation condensation assimilative decomposition using dichlorotrichloropenutbutterphenylmethene as a catalyst in the process which involves accelarating particles at a speed of 100000000000km/s to ensure that the waffle bonding becomes smaller.The chemical equation is as follows.

Waffle + Maple Syrup +Bak Chor Mee + Milk =Diarrhoea (HA!I know how to spell diarrhoea!Beat that!)

Following this,an feat of biological molecular engineering is carried out,although i will not go into the details,since the process above,which is elementary in comparison to this process,was obviously not understood.The works of artistic genius are duplicated by using a synthetic enzyme and pasted using electrostatic theories onto a piece of fabric,which gives the product in the picture

And the Final product....

Ahhh yes..How could i have forgotten,the visual nature of the product makes it an absolute threat to homeland security if i were to upload it.

The next time,i will go into the uses of this bag of highly scientific origins,and why,it is so cool.

Reply to comment

2008-08-02T22:35:00.007+08:00

This post is addressed to [blogger] who posted the comment on this previous post.

We would like to assure you that we are definately not racist towards any race and/or racial groups, for it is against our policy. Matts, by defination, are malay gangsters or delinquents and "Matts" hold the same relativistic meaning to Ah bengs. The reason for pointing out matts so often in our posts is not because we're racist, but because Ah bengs are getting less and less common, and just commenting based on our own imagination of what ah bengs would be like would be more of a felony than giving our true opinion of what matts are. By the way, being racist is to stereotype a certain racial group because of their race, and to the extent dislike/hate that race, and openly insult the race AS A WHOLE based usually on an unreasonable basis. For example, chinese are all stupid. That was a plain racist remark. Whereas mentioning the term matts and commenting on that particualr group of people is not necessarily racist. And i would like to further point out that matts are a group of people that hold the same traits, so there would not be matts who aren't, well, matts.

Thank you.

The Management.

Edit:
My apologies for the spelling error. Thank you for pointing that out. Apparently we've both misunderstood the term matt. It's a slang which is not widely understood by many people. So happens that matt does not mean that they hav to be malay. It's a term with alot of grey areas, but as long as it sounds cool such little details can be compromised. The delinquent part is pretty much understood, but the part of the race... Anyway ah bengs, gangsters, matts, they all refer to the same thing in this blog. I know of some chinese who are matts. It's hard to define, but usually they are a group of delinquents who don't appear to study, have awesome sense of dressing, and wear cool shoes. Other traits include, well, lame jokes, talk loudly in public, and do rather incredible stunts. And many many others. Well is hard to explain, but once u see one, it's easy to identify others. Through experience, and public transport. That makes the last part of that previous reply clear. Matts won't be called matts if they aren't matts in the first place. Although most people observe that most matts are malay, but that's incorrect. I admit i had that wrong mentality too. Bet you had the same mentality otherwise you wouldn't be posting that comment in the first place. Bt after some thought, there are some chinese who are matts, that i've seen before. Delinquent, punk, gangster, those terms aren't able to bring out the nature of those people. Hence usage of the name matt. Crude, simplistic, unelegant looking word, yet it looks as if it's full of youth and energy. That's exactly the kind of word which we want. If we were to replace all the matt words with something else, it'll lose it's impact. And of course, coolness.

Some afterthought:
actually even if matts were consisted of malay, and if we're against them, it's not right to jump the gun and say that we're racist. Why? Let me give an example and put it into this context. I'm against Merced*s coupe series. Merced*s coupe series is a subset of coupes, no? but am i against merced*s? nope i am not. why? Maybe bcos i feel that merced*s coupes do not look good enough, they do not have enough power, it's unstable in the corners. not just bcos they come from the company Merced*s. There are certain underlying reasons instead of race that SHOULD be taken note off. Equating "against matts" with "against malays" is definately incorrect. It is a false accusation. And in some instances, if you say something even worse than that, you may in turn be seen as the real racist. I'll give an exaggerated example. Your hair is black. Then you say "RACIST RACIST RACIST! YOU ARE AGAINST [race]!" Racism is definately a bad thing, but Cherrydonut is obviously being sarcastic about his comment to this post, please don't mind him. as for the "underlying reasons" of us aginst matts, well, i wouldn't divulge that kind of information bcos:
1. We aren't against matts in the first place; that was just a hypothetical situation
2. We might have to close down because of complains from matts that we are "insulting them EXPLICITLY.

By the way, i just discovered that "matt" is actually a style, but it's not just skin deep.

REVIVAL

2008-08-01T15:48:00.005+08:00

I'm back...The SPAs are finally over!And no,fortunately,I will spare you from my ranting about how they went.Time to move on to some random thoughts and feelings i need to get off my chest.

7 11 is a giant swindle racket.They charge like 30% more than other places.For example..
Nong Shim korean Kimchi noodle(Love this stuff)
Supermarket:$1.70 SPC:$1.85 7 11:$2.45

QClassic Vodka
SuperMarket:$4.70 SPC:$6.30 7 11:$7.80

WTH!?!?!?

Some schools are really dumb (i'm not saying which ones).They pay for bangla workers to risk their lives and paint the sides of the school building when there is an alternative solution.

1.Set up flimsy harness imported from some substandard china factory
2.Arm students with paint spray guns
3.Send Matts who got in through DSA but now have horrible attitude towards their CCAs and will bring down the school academic ranking by making excessive noise and disrupting studies to do some ehem abseiling and paint shooting down the wall.
4.Tell the teacher to go for a toilet break.
5.Knowing Matts,theyll probably start making noise and spraying one another with paint,jerking the flimsy cable all over the place.
6.When the teacher comes back,the wall will have been painted with extravagant artistic dashes of colour and the human flesh-devouring fish brought in for scientific experiments below will have been fed.
7.Whoops,forgot to mention about the human flesh-devouring fish earlier...

On the bus yesterday..there was this Matt...
Apparently,he was sharing with his friends that he had made an amazing simply incredible (Noted.Thanks) discovery!

He found out how to put mp3s into his phone

Thing was that he still had yet to learn how to download full songs,so all he had was this 10 secondish preview clip easily obtained from an online legit music shop.And what would be the sensible thing to do?Learn to download full clips?Nope,not for this guy.He just kept playing the clip over and over again.I think it was a 50cent song or some other hip hop song.It went something along these lines...

BZeoww(Nigga opening)
Boom dam dam Boom dam dam(pretty funky beat)
Yeah..Awl Ah Reahlli Need Baybehh Gurlll Is Ah Liddle...And the clip got cut off.

His friends seemed rather excited,so...

BZeoww(Nigga opening)
Boom dam dam Boom dam dam(pretty funky beat)
Yeah..Awl Ah Reahlli Need Baybehh Gurlll Is Ah Liddle...

The dude was rather proud of his accomplishments,which were no doubt a major contribution to mankind,but not my ears,so...

BZeoww(Nigga opening)
Boom dam dam Boom dam dam(pretty funky beat)
Yeah..Awl Ah Reahlli Need Baybehh Gurlll Is Ah Liddle...

And so on and so on,until they finally got off at the Parkway busstop.

cool random posts! we aspire to b like them.

2008-07-19T22:44:00.002+08:00

here are some very enlightening threads from wad i've gathered online.
-go http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/55/Epic_thread07.jpg

-http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/1/16/Faces.jpeg

-http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/8/8e/Epic_thread459.jpg

-http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/5f/Fuckingowned.jpg

-http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee221/DisgruntledTable/4chan/epicthreadratata.jpg

-http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/8/8e/Epic_thread459.jpg

bear in mind that all these are real and made by diffrent posters. it took a while for the funny-ness of the "inanimate face" thread to sink in, so look at it for a few times.

COOLNESS IN...SCHOOL BAGS!part 1

2008-07-16T17:42:00.003+08:00

Long time since a proper lesson with pictures has been posted.Oh well,lets delve into the world where school bags are the only way to get individuality in the ubiquitous sea of white.I shall analyse one bag at a time,going by popular bag models,before pushing my own undeniably cool reccomendation

Bag type 1:The Memory game bag.

Many of you should have already seen this type of bag,commonly carried by matts who love to advertise their perception of "cool" fashion by making a big show out of themselves talking in their native tongue.Loudly.Very loudly.Good for them,dead loyal to their mother tongue.

These bags boast a generous dash of flaps on all corners,all looking like dead animal skin.Oh wait,they are supposed to look like dead animal skin.Theyre leather after all,or mock leather,depending on the financial status of the matt.

The good thing about these bags is that they boost one's IQ.Matts have bucketloads of fun passing their bags around asking their friends to pack their books for them,and when the time comes,they try to recall from memory which flap to open to get to the desired book.Although most of the time they just panic after forgetting and start flapping things all over the place,making it look like a hapless creature is being skinned alive.

Verdict:

these bags are real good for playing memory games,although aesthetically,they look like what they are supposed to look like,dead animals skinned by a blind schitzopherenic patient.

Cool factor: 5/10

How to ACE your chinese listening exam

2008-07-15T17:54:00.001+08:00

You CANT.Just give up,those bloody idiots at SEAB are trying to be really funny.Too bad,theyre failing miserable,beacuse i am a cool dude,and i keep my cool.Even if i know ill probably get E8 for my GCSE Chinese.

how to say "NO" to smoking.

2008-07-14T22:42:00.004+08:00

i just realised that u all weak-willed cool dudes out there love to smoke. Probably because u cant cope with secondary school life and miss the good old halcyon days of being a primary school kid and playing too too train in the school field. hence ur brain subconciously yearns for smoking..so that u can spout smoke from ur mouth like a too too train. who noes? maybe u like smoking bcos it makes u look good, what with that cool haggard looks and the yellow nicotine-stained teeth. but smoking is detrimental to ur health, and we at coolduderesource are very much concerned about ur health. (after all, you are our valued readers.if u should die,whose gonna read our posts?) hence, i shall teach you how to say "NO" to smoking. it may be gruelling.it may be tough. but do know that we will stand by you.

okay.this is how you say "NO" to smoking. firstly, clench ur tongue between ur upper and lower teeths.then,make a buzzing sound by letting air escape from ur orifice. slowly unclech ur tongue.CRUCIAL POINT HERE! DO NOT GET A TONGUE CRAMP OKAY? make an "O" shape with ur mouth.and make a great "OH" sound! practise it a few times.

u can now say "NO" to smoking.

the cool experiment

2008-07-10T23:48:00.002+08:00

hi peanut here. Hey we at coolduderesource are a conscientious lot, and we hav gone to great pains to device an experiment to, well, prove that the school rules aren't really being understood even by our school's student leaders. N perhaps prove the absurdness of it all.

During recess i was pondering over the problem of student leaders not really being leaders at all. So after finishing my burger, i had a great thought. Why not put it to the test? So after finishing my burger, i made a disgusting concoction of semi-melted ice and mushroom sauce. Well basically it looked like cold faeces. So armed with my physics workbook n accompanied with coolduderesource affiliates, i made my way boldly to the staircase where the prefects were positioned. I made sure that abit of the plastic was sticking out from the physics workbook which partially concealed my dangerous and disgusting concoction. I did not place it in my pocket as i did not want to appear that i had somehow excreted it. Looking on with great humour, they took no notice of the perpetrator and his loot. So i had to linger around them, short of taking out the bag and waving it in front of them. So the awaited moment arrived. He stopped me. 'What's that?' he asked. Hardly trying to conceal our amusement, i brought out the bag. From here i shall state the thoughts that he could hav been thinking.

1. Is that food? Catch him!
2. Hey it's a bag! Catch him!
3. Ew i hate dog faeces.
4. Lol i eat that stuff everyday! (kiddin)
5. Catch... Don catch... Catch... Don catch... Hey that's my homie!
6. So... Is mushroom sauce mixed with ice food or not?
7. ...... Shh i'm trying to think! Ah forget it... Waste my braincells...
8. I hav a duty to do! Worah worah worah!

Ok so with those possible thoughts, he finally asked me to throw it away. But after i refused to throw it away and offered to him, he gave up.

The complete conclusion that could be drawn from this experiment is highly subjective and i would like to keep it to myself untill i get enough substantial data. Just a note to the prefect, i understand that he was merely doing his duty and faced with such an unforseen situation, it is inevitable that he end up choosing a tough decision. But aren't leaders supposed to think ahead? That's the crux of this lesson. This post is not meant to insult any party, it's merely to point out one of the paradoxes that so many prefects are facing but not realising today. Oh and my identity may be compromised by posting this but who cares?

Peanut signing out. Next time we'll combat the flaw of examinations.

useless thoughts abt useless stuff.

2008-07-08T19:42:00.002+08:00

peanut here. This post is gonna be short, but anyway i want u guys to understand that the main reason why we're not posting as much as often is bcos of the on-going mock exams, tests and admittedly, sheer laziness. Oh well we all aren't that free, n besides we're currently making a cool dude movie which will be posted soon after i get the final few scenes, editing and voice overs done. Of course a trailer would be released soon if i could only remember to film the scenes that i need... Oh well back to topic.

Why is taking the lift up 6/7 stories a crime in school, especially if we hav to carry 5 kg worth of textbooks and notes from ground to class? Well after cracking our brains, we've come up with the most satisfying answers that even prefects fear to give (well actually they don give a reason at all). So what r the answers?!!

List of ans:
1. Bcos the school says so.
2. Bcos i say so
3. Bcos lifts are electronic devices, and the school rules clearly state that there should not be any abuse of electronic devices.
4. Bcos i rather catch ppl taking lifts to class than catch ppl who smoke in toilets and take drugs.
5. Bcos i'm jealous.
6. Bcos i don visit coolduderesource.
7. Bcos my battleon account is lvl 7 only.
8. Bcos taking the lifts contribute to global warming and hence the annihilation of all life on earth.
9. Bcos i'm bored stiff n hav nothing else better to do.
10. Hmm...
11. That's it i guess.

So you dudes who takes the lift up to class satisfied of the reasons why u shouldn't? Of course! After all we at coolduderesource are totally supportive, and hav absolutely blind faith in the student leaders who up to date done absolutely ordinary things which even i can do with one eye closed.

Btw in our school the penalty for getting caught using the lift is 4 hrs of detention.... Imagine if you could do 5 mins of detention a day... Hehe...

Ok peanut signing off.

two girls 1 cup!!

2008-07-01T22:48:00.009+08:00

hey hey hey!! kayapickles here! today,on the first of july, wearing my superbly cool billabong shorts and rip curl t-shirt, i surfed!! i didnt noe surfing was so fun!! however, there were lots of traffic and my movement was slow. yup! i surfed the net!! all in an effort to bring you this: 2 girls 1 cup. its about these two females, performing self-induced vomitting into their partners mouth and eating, licking and mushing defecation about in their mouths. [this is the same flavour(no pun intended) as the 2 girls 1 finger episode.] anyways, the thing that made me rofl was this. an idiot writing a film review about 2 girls 1 cup for class work!! here is the link.

Video of 2 girls 1 cup: WAfflewas too sensitive to allow me to post the URL. go google.com and type 2 girl 1 finger. then click on the fourth/forth.( forgot how to spell) link.

Picture of the kid's film review:http://www.twisted-humor-online.com/index.php/Funny-Photos/2-girls-1-cup-essay.html.

Disclaimer: erm.. if ur an MDA person..i am 21 years of age and am fully aware of the repurcussions of promoting porn in singapore. However, to me, these videos are a form of art and i'm just appreciating the art. anybody who clicks the link above is not my dai ji okayss? thanks.bye.

Narrative Writing

2008-07-01T16:22:00.004+08:00

You should all practice writing more!So says my English teacher.As such,I have decided to endow this site with my wise rantings for the enlightenment of the not-so-cooltelectually gifted.

Time for an analysis of a typical narrative composition.

It was a bright and sunny day,the sun shone high in the azure blue sky,its wide rays gleaming off the rippling surface of the oasis(although i have nfi what an oasis is doing in the middle of Tanjong Katong),casting a picturesque vision of a sea of gleaming gold into my eyes.

I got up,and decided to take a walk outside to enjoy the cool fresh morning air.(Again,I have no idea why so many composition protagonists in super cliche stories simply love going for walks when a contraption called the computer exists.)

At the traffic junction,(Ugh...I can already see where the story is going)I saw a small boy rushing across the road.And to my absolute surprise(The traffic light was red),the traffic light was red!(See?Toldja so)

We all know where things go from here,you chivarously dive into harm's way and rescue that little wriggling,sticky whinny blob of a child and get universal praise.Oh.clap clap clap.The honour.Time for a little Waffle styled remix...

Immediately,I got into my souped up Monster Truck,started the 70000bhp engine,and roared out of my driveway as the little tyke continued to preambulate moronically on the road.To my absolute horror,that little slimeball proved a harder target than i expected!I floored the pedal.

My car surged forward like a car surging forward,its engine roaring like a primal beast.The little boy came closer and closer.THEN I!!!!!!!Got out of the car,stopped pretending my bicycle was a 70000bhp monster truck and said,the pedophilish glint in my eye too apparent to hide.

"Boy,I got sweet.You want?Come follow me."I grinned as the little sucker took the bait.I could already picture the things i would do to him.I would....

(New Page)

Force him to stuff ten jars of peanut butter down his masticatory orfice everyday for the next twenty years or so...

Excellent,no?Such unpredictablilty,such ingenuity.Incredible

Verdict: 30/30

COOLNESS AT THE ICE SKATING ICE PART 2

2008-06-29T12:25:00.003+08:00

Alright!ITs finally time for the long awaited instructions on what to do at the ice skating ice!

Well,at the ice skating ice,you should...

Ice skate

posted by CherryDonut @ 13.09pm

KIDDING!!!

What you should REALLY do at the ice skating ice is to.....

Ice skate.

No.seriously.Don bother scrolling down.This is all the wisdom i have to impart.The simple messages are the best....